For a long time one executive we worked with did not know that he overdid the forceful side of leadership: “I don’t see myself as being tough or powerful.” After working his way through the extensive assessment report we gave him, he opened his eyes to how powerful he was and to the underlying assumption that drove it: “I didn’t see until now how brute force was adversely affecting my relationships with my people. I probably thought the opposite: brute force, being on top of things, giving people insights, would lead them to hold me up [in high esteem], lead them to follow me. But I see now they also want me to ease up and let them in.”
In another case, one executive’s assiduous efforts to prepare for presentations actually undercuts his effectiveness. Not trusting himself to think on his feet, he uses numerous overhead transparencies as well as detailed notes. Tied to his props and notes, he restricts his freedom to think and to connect to the people to whom he is presenting. His overpreparation and the anxiety that spurs it make him less smart than he is. Feeling inadequate, he overprepares. Overprepared, he hampers his intellectual ability: “I have to prepare. I’m not fast on my feet so I have to know the material down pat. I work hard to make up for not being intelligent enough.” It is not the lack of intelligence that is the problem. It is the anxiety about not being intelligent enough. If he could stop worrying so much about not being smart, he would be smarter.
In cases like these, executives come by their anxiety honestly. Early on in life they had bad experiences that burned these lessons into their consciousness.
They Underdo What They Underestimate
The flip side of the behavior discussed in the previous section is that many executives, not recognizing a strength, doubt themselves in that area and therefore shy away from managerial functions that include activities related to it. They hold back. One instance of this that we have seen repeatedly is the executive who is skilled with people but, not seeing the extent of his or her interpersonal assets, inhibits himself or herself interpersonally.
One executive was completely taken aback that others described him as attractive as a person. Not knowing that he had this going for him, he hung back in relationships, even at work. Another executive at pains to treat people well trod lightly, to the point of hampering his effectiveness. His matrixed role required him at times to push his function’s initiatives hard, but wanting, as he said, “peace in the valley,” he was reluctant to be aggressive.
An executive who had great relationships and was effective in many ways hurt his performance and hurt himself by failing to take sufficient control. What kept him from being more forceful? “Fear and wanting to please,” he said. His manner, if you paid attention, gave away his uneasiness. His voice quavered ever so slightly, and there was a smooth niceness to his manner of speaking that seemed to suggest a nonthreatening individual. Although pleasant, his way of presenting himself lacked an edge to it. He was almost compulsively modest, almost afraid to take credit even when it was manifestly due him, as was evident in this exchange with his direct reports: “My team said, after the good year we just had, ‘You should feel good about the results.’ I told them, ‘No, it’s really you guys who do the work.’ And they said, ‘No, you focused us. We needed you to lead us.’” He explained to us what lay behind the stance he took. “They feel like peers to me. I used to be in awe of these guys.” When we pointed out that he had once held the same job, he said, “Sometimes I forget. ‘Forget’ may be the wrong word. ‘Underappreciate’ is [the word]. It’s hard to remember how far you’ve come.”
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