The porter opened the door and the couple entered the room. Hannah nodded her approval of Harrison’s choice of suites. The porter secured the packages and left the room after receiving a generous tip from Harrison. He brought his fiancée’s packages and suitcases into the bedroom and placed them on the king size bed. Hannah began sorting her belongings and purchases, placing them in their proper place.
Hannah turned to Harrison and asked, “What time tomorrow morning are we scheduled to see the Pontiff?” “Well, if nothing out of the ordinary occurs, at eleven o’clock,” was his tempered reply. Harrison continued, “We have about an hour to freshen up before dinner.” Hannah walked over to Harrison and kissed him passionately as she embraced him. She said seductively, “We may need more than an hour…” The two lovers floated onto the bed as Harrison muttered, “Indeed.”
Harrison and Hannah arrived at the Commedia Bastona about an hour late for their reservation. They had sufficient time for a light meal before the comedian, Monk Melloni, was scheduled to come on stage. Hannah and Harrison finished their wine and meal just as the lights lowered. They ordered espresso as Joseph walked on stage.
“Buona sera e benvenuto a bella Roma!” Harrison translated for Hannah, as needed: “Good evening and welcome to beautiful Rome. My name is Monk Melloni. I’m a native of Perguia, but spent many of my early years growing up in America. I’m also single. In fact, I’ve been single for quite awhile. I know this because I use to dream about women. Then I began dreaming about women eating food. Now, I just dream about food!” Monk paused as the crowd laughed and applauded.
“For those of you who haven’t guessed, I’m Italian. We Italian men tend to be excessive in what we do. When we’re dating, we send lots of flowers; we hug and kiss a lot; we pinch a lot; we pinch a lot; we pinch a lot…” repeated Monk as he made a pinching motion with his fingers on his right hand. The comedian continued, “And we’re excessive when we end a relationship too ‘cause you’re likely to wake up with a horse’s head in your bed…or even worse, my cousin Guido!” The audience laughed as Monk paused.
“We don’t even treat our dead with respect. Italians bury their dead with their butts sticking up out of the ground. That way when we visit the grave, we have some place to park our bikes!” The audience laughed again and applauded.
“As an Italian growing-up in America, we pretty much lived by the same rules and sayings that guided other families—we just said them a little bit differently. When the American parents tried to teach their children to always be prepared, they said, ‘Don’t get caught with your pants down.’ My parents taught me the same thing except they said, ‘No canna live in Venice with no gondola!” Monk continued after some laughter from the crowd, “And when American parents told their children to ‘always wear clean underwear in case of an accident and you have to go to the hospital,’ my parents taught us the same thing except they said, ‘No canna live in Venice with no gondola!” More laughter was heard from the audience. “And when American parents told their children to ‘always look before they leap,’ my parents said, ‘everybody,’ (Monk peered into the crowd and held out his hands) ‘No canna live in Venice with no gondola!” The audience laughed and applauded.
“Like most Italians, I grew up in a Catholic family. We have many beliefs and one of them is that our guardian angel is always with us. In fact, in elementary school, the good nuns always reminded us to sit far to the left and leave room for our guardian angel that always sat on our right side. You knew this was true each time you looked in any classroom. What you saw was one or more Catholic students tumbling to the floor because they moved too far and fell out of their chairs!” Some light laughter rose from the audience.
Monk continued, “I love my parents, but talk about neurosis on parade! Stress around them is quite relative. Over the years, I’ve developed this three-night visiting rule. I can’t visit for more than three consecutive nights. If I do, I run out of patience; I run out of energy; and I run out of Imodium—I just run out all over the place!” Harrison, Hannah and the crowd erupted in laughter.
“You know, I’ve been single for so long that I decided to join a singles group here in Rome. I often think back about the time I spent in a Catholic seminary. Now, I find myself in a singles group!” Laughter rose from the audience. “Had I known I was going to live a celibate life anyway, I think I would have stayed in the priesthood!” The audience laughed and applauded.
“Seminarians or not, we were typical teenagers. I remember once we were attending a Good Friday service at the local convent. Within this cloister of nuns, the good sisters took the vow of silence. Imagine any woman taking the vow of silence!” The comment drew cheers from the male audience and jeers from the women. Monk continued, “The nuns did not interact with the outside world. They were not on line; there was no Internet. The convent used this rotating wooden tube as a conveyance for material. A simple pull of the rope rang a bell signaling that the material was ready. This was quite efficient unless the hearing-impaired nun was on duty that day. You could ring that terrible bell ‘til hell froze over’ and it wouldn’t matter.” The crowd laughed. “My friend and I argued whether or not he could fit inside the tube. After much serious debate between the two of us, he decided to take the direct approach and jumped right into the cylindrical transporter. As my friend crouched in the tube to prove he could fit, I impulsively pulled the rope. I don’t know why I did it. It just seemed like the natural thing to do.” Laughter erupted from the crowd. Monk continued, “The bell rang and the cylinder began rotating. My friend, who was about to pick up some bad habits, disappeared into the swallowing jowls of the convent. And he was gone in an instant. I imagined, like in a bad science fiction episode where the transporters went amuck, he would return as a melted molten mess of massive mucous membranes! I began firing off ‘Our Fathers’ and ‘Hail Mary’s’ like it was my last anointing and Satan was right on my tail. Then, in desperation, the only thing I could think of saying was, ‘Beam him back, Scotty!” The audience laughed.
Monk paused and then said, “After several long minutes, the tube rotated back slowly. My friend gradually appeared, his atoms arranged seemingly in all the right places, and nothing looked obviously wrong. I asked him, “What happened? What did you see?” Even though he was in a trance-like state, he managed to mutter, “No canna live in Venice with no Gondola!”
Monk paused briefly and said, “Thank you all for coming tonight. Thank you very much.” The audience applauded loudly to show their appreciation. Hannah and Harrison applauded with them and followed the crowd out into the romantic Roma evening.
Harrison and Hannah returned to their hotel. They barely walked inside their room when Hannah kissed Harrison in a long embrace. The moment was very intense as they quickly undressed each other. They fell into bed and continued their embrace. Love with Harrison has always been satisfying both physically and emotionally…and tonight was no exception. Their high state of arousal minimized the need for much foreplay. Hannah and Harrison reach their orgasmic peaks and were entwined in a lover’s embrace.
It was nearly three o’clock in the morning when a barely audible buzz was heard from the phone. The lovers were still intertwined in their embrace. Harrison freed himself as gently as he could so as not to awaken Hannah. He reached for the phone and half-jokingly hoped it was a wrong number. Harrison was as alert as anybody could be when awakened abruptly during the early morning hours.
Harrison