«To whom, by whom, what for and why?»
Afraid to even seem indifferent
Or when the others seem detached…
And shyly wait at the reception,
Although no chances seem to match…
Afraid of an invented fear
Though one day it will fade away…
Afraid that my last shirt I give you
Would never fit you anyway…
Afraid to lose and not recall
The memory of your sweetest arms
And that I give this huge whole world
To the possession of your charms!
Afraid that I might leave unnamed
Or be unable to find out
The names of all the feelings tamed
To know what they are all about…
I'm not afraid of reassurance
But I'm afraid I cannot take
The things I leave without regretting
And leave it for my enemy's sake…
Afraid to miss the very meaning,
Afraid of taking the wrong turn;
That there will be no more pages
Behind the page that has been torn…
Afraid to suffer and dissemble
Afraid to be afraid of heights;
Afraid to part with dreams and tremble
That I will never see them bright…
Afraid to insult by not listening,
Afraid to be afraid to die…
Of the desire close to hatred!
Of seeing when I close my eyes…
Afraid to leave without returning
Afraid to stumble and to blame…
Afraid to fall asleep forever…
Afraid to be completely tame!..
I finally agreed with the publisher!!!
I think that the collection will be ready for our 33rd anniversary!
Taska will be surprised!)))
Chapter 5
Numerology… Or Number Twenty Three
April 23, 2018.
Monday.
At first I had a dream…
In this dream, the smell of coffee drove me mad!
The smell of coffee and flowers…
I opened my eyes. My God!
On the floor, in a vase, I saw the most delicate cream roses.
Nearby there was a huge polar bear and Igor, pleased:
«Coffee is in the kitchen, my girl. Happy Birthday, goldfish!!!» He kissed me on the forehead as if I was a little girl and stroked my right cheek. It was so nice. I even closed my eyes and answered:
«You're adorable! Really…»
I involuntarily reached out, and he grabbed me, picked me up and carried to the kitchen in his arms…
Stepan and Daniel with their painted cards were waiting for me there! They wrapped their arms around my legs and pressed themselves against me.
Lord, how touching it is!
Today I took a day off.
We decided to postpone the birthday, or rather its celebration, for Saturday.
After all, it's such a date!
33…)))
Hooray!
Or not hooray!..
We will definitely not arrange it at home. Igor and I will go to a restaurant. No! We'll take the boys with us.
We'll dress up like it's a red carpet!
I want this day to be remembered…
Today, at about eleven, my father called.
He was worried as he spoke. He said he was very sorry that he could not be near. It seemed to me that he was already ready to burst into tears when Taska grabbed the phone and said that dad asked her to come… He didn't feel well lately…
I took a promise from her to tell me about everything she would notice. Maybe I would need to fly to my father myself. Although he promised me that if he was okay, he would definitely come to see his grandchildren and simply get away.
My father did not take vacations for many years, and now he said he was very tired.
Then I even burst into tears.
Daddy, what kind of fools you and mom were!
Igor took the boys to school and went to work, saying he would be late, since he had classes with third-year students and an autopsy…
Again I stumbled upon Taska's book. She gave it to me when she went by to St. Petersburg for a couple of days on her way to Amsterdam and Hanover.
The book was written by some great Australian numerologist.
Yeah!
David Phillips…
For three hours I was dealing with our numbers and arrows.
That's interesting!
I tried to calculate my control number:
04/23/1985 = 4 + 2 + 3 + 1+9 + 8 + 5 = 32!
It turned out to be the opposite of 23[7]…
Then: 3 + 2 = 5.
The control number is 5.
And if you add the numbers of our year of birth:
1 + 9 + 8 + 5 = 23!!!
(Again!)
Then I wrote out a description of people whose control number was 5:
«Most of these people have a hard time working on a fixed schedule. If they are still forced to do this, they always see this as the fault of their boss and, as a result, suffer from illnesses caused by stress. They should find work that would allow… becoming a freelance writer or artist…»
And this one is exactly about Taska:
«…Many of them have a strong craving for adventure and willingly go on trips…
Impressions from travels and past experiences, acquired with wisdom and awareness, may turn out to be the most valuable ways to achieve freedom and enlightenment…»
«…The main driving force in everything they do is love for people…»
How is that?
I don't know how, but this author knows exactly what he is writing about!
I tried to draw personality arrows…
Looks like a tic-tac-toe!)))
Phew!
Everything's all right here!
We've got at least two arrows:
ARROWS OF EMOTIONAL EQUILIBRIUM: 2-5-8
«… The balanced sensitivity of people with this Arrow helps them understand the needs and attitudes of others. This ability can be perfectly used in work related to counseling and treatment…»
ARROWS OF DECISION: 9-5-1
«…Decisiveness underlies all the actions of these people…
One