The Greatest Mysteries of Arthur Cheney Train – 50+ Titles in One Volume (Illustrated Edition). Arthur Cheney Train. Читать онлайн. Newlib. NEWLIB.NET

Автор: Arthur Cheney Train
Издательство: Bookwire
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Жанр произведения: Языкознание
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isbn: 9788027226207
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day to lie on one's back in the grass and watch the clouds or throw one's weight against the tugging helm of a racing sloop and bite the spindrift blown across her bows—not a day for lawyers but for lovers!

      "Here's '76 Fed.'," said Tutt.

      "What's become of Sorg?"

      "Gone. Mad. Says the whole point of the Fat and Skinny Club is in the name."

      "I fancy—from looking at Mr. Sorg—that that is quite true," remarked Mr. Tutt. He paused and reaching down into a lower compartment of his desk, lifted out a tumbler and his bottle of malt extract, which he placed carefully at his elbow and leaned back again contemplatively. "Look here, Tutt," he said. "I want to ask you something. Is there anything the matter with you?"

      Tutt regarded him with the air of a small boy caught peeking through a knot hole.

      "Why,—no!" he protested lamely. "That is—nothing in particular. I do feel a bit restless—sort of vaguely dissatisfied."

      Mr. Tutt nodded sympathetically.

      "How old are you, Tutt?"

      "Forty-eight."

      "And you feel just at present as if life were 'flat, stale and unprofitable?'"

      "Why—yes; you might put it that way. The fact is every day seems just like every other day. I don't even get any pleasure out of eating. The very sight of a boiled egg beside my plate at breakfast gives me the willies. I can't eat boiled eggs any more. They sicken me!"

      "Exactly!" Mr. Tutt poured out a glass of the malt extract.

      "I feel the same way about a lot of things," Tutt hurried on. "Special demurrers, for instance. They bore me horribly. And supplementary proceedings get most frightfully upon my nerves."

      "Exactly!" repeated Mr. Tutt.

      "What do you mean by 'exactly?'" snapped Tutt.

      "You're bored," explained his partner.

      "Rather!" agreed Tutt. "Bored to death. Not with anything special, you understand; just everything. I feel as if I'd like to do something devilish."

      "When a man feels like that he better go to a doctor," declared Mr. Tutt.

      "A doctor!" exclaimed Tutt derisively. "What good would a doctor do me?"

      "He might keep you from getting into trouble."

      "Oh, you needn't be alarmed. I won't get into any trouble."

      "It's the dangerous age," said Mr. Tutt. "I've known a lot of respectable married men to do the most surprising things round fifty."

      Tutt looked interested.

      "Have you now?" he inquired. "Well, I've no doubt it did some of 'em a world of good. Tell you frankly sometimes I feel as if I'd rather like to take a bit of a fling myself!"

      "Your professional experience ought to be enough to warn you of the dangers of that sort of experiment," answered Mr. Tutt gravely. "It's bad enough when it occurs inadvertently, so to speak, but when a man in your condition of life deliberately goes out to invite trouble it's a sad, sad spectacle."

      "Do you mean to imply that I'm not able to take care of myself?" demanded Tutt.

      "I mean to imply that no man is too wise to be made a fool of by some woman."

      "That every Samson has his Delilah?"

      "If you want to put it that way—yes."

      "And that in the end he'll get his hair cut?"

      Mr. Tutt took a sip from the tumbler of malt and relit his stogy.

      "What do you know about Samson and Delilah, Tutt?" he challenged.

      "Oh, about as much as you do, I guess, Mr. Tutt," answered his partner modestly.

      "Well, who cut Samson's hair?" demanded the senior member.

      He emptied the dregs of the malt-extract bottle into his glass and holding it to the light examined it critically.

      "Delilah, of course!" ejaculated Tutt.

      Mr. Tutt shook his head.

      "There you go off at half-cock again, Tutt!" he retorted whimsically. "You wrong her. She did no such thing."

      "Why, I'll bet you a hundred dollars on it!" cried Tutt excitedly.

      "Make it a simple dinner at the Claridge Grill and I'll go you."

      "Done!"

      There were four books on the desk near Mr. Tutt's right hand—the New York Code of Civil Procedure, an almanac, a Shakesperean concordance and a Bible.

      "Look it up for yourself," said Mr. Tutt, waving his arm with a gesture of the utmost impartiality. "That is, if you happen to know in what part of Holy Writ said Delilah is to be found."

      Tutt followed the gesture and sat down at the opposite side of the desk.

      "There!" he exclaimed, after fumbling over the leaves for several minutes. "What did I tell you? Listen, Mr. Tutt! It's in the sixteenth chapter of Judges: 'And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death; That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head.' Um—um."

      "Read on, Tutt!" ordered Mr. Tutt.

      "Um. 'And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the lords of the Philistines, saying, Come up this once.' Um-um."

      "Yes, go on!"

      "'And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head.' Well, I'll be hanged!" exclaimed Tutt. "Now, I would have staked a thousand dollars on it. But look here, you don't win! Delilah did cut Samson's hair—through her agent. 'Qui facit per alium facit per se!'"

      "Your point is overruled," said Mr. Tutt. "A barber cut Samson's hair. Let it be a lesson to you never to take anything on hearsay. Always look up your authorities yourself. Moreover"—and he looked severely at Tutt—"the cerebral fluid—like malt extract—tends to become cloudy with age."

      "Well, anyhow, I'm no Samson," protested Tutt. "And I haven't met anyone that looked like a Delilah. I guess after the procession of adventuresses that have trailed through this office in the last twenty years I'm reasonably safe."

      "No man is safe," meditated Mr. Tutt. "For the reason that no man knows the power of expansion of his heart. He thinks it's reached its limit—and then he finds to his horror or his delight that it hasn't. To put it another way, a man's capacity to love may be likened to a thermometer. At twenty-five or thirty he meets some young person, falls in love with her, thinks his amatory thermometer has reached the boiling-point and accordingly marries her. In point of fact it hasn't—it's only marking summer heat—hasn't even registered the temperature of the blood. Well, he goes merrily on life's way and some fine day another lady breezes by, and this safe and sane citizen, who supposes his capacity for affection was reached in early youth, suddenly discovers to his amazement that his mercury is on the jump and presently that his old thermometer has blown its top off."

      "Very interesting, Mr. Tutt," observed Tutt after a moment's silence. "You seem to have made something of a study of these things."

      "Only in a business way—only in a business way!" Mr. Tutt assured him. "Now, if you're feeling stale—and we all are apt to get that way this time of year—why don't you take a run down to Atlantic City?"

      Now Tutt would have liked to go to Atlantic City could he have gone by himself, but the idea of taking Abigail along robbed the idea of its attraction. She had got more than ever on his nerves of late. But his reply, whatever it might have been, was interrupted by the announcement of Miss Wiggin, who entered at that moment, that a lady wished to see him.

      "She asked for Mr. Tutt," explained Minerva.

      "But I think her case is more in your line," and she