“You shall know me when I know you, and not before.”
“Very well; that is fair, at all events, and I am content. But I see the queen beckoning us to come to our seats to listen to Ingomar’s story.”
As soon as the maskers were seated the queen ordered Ingomar to resume.
“The next morning after Lottie had promised to be my wife, I mentioned the subject to Doctor Dodson, as I considered it my duty to do so.
“‘I am going to be married, sir,’ said I, ‘as soon as I get my diploma.’
“‘Ah, ha, indeed! and pray who’s to be the unlucky woman that you have resolved to render miserable for life?’
“‘I don’t intend to make any woman miserable, neither do I expect to marry any woman.’ I said this rather sharply, as I felt a little ruffled.
“‘Ah, ha! and you don’t mean to marry a woman, yet you say you are going to be married. I suppose you expect to marry a wood-nymph or a fairy. I guess you do not aspire to an angel.’
“‘That’s exactly the state of my case; it’s an angel sure enough.’
“‘When did she light on this part of the globe?’
“‘Seven years ago.’
“‘Ah, ha! here we come, you sly old rascal! I see how it is now. I have suspected you of villainous designs against Lottie for some time, and I see I was not mistaken; but look here, my boy, that dear girl is too good for you; she’s worth a thousand such bundles of humanity as you; and right here let me say a few words with the bark on them. If ever you speak a cross word to that dear girl, or give her an unkind look, the fact is, if you ever give her cause to regret her choice, I’ll—I’ll, yes, I’ll, ah, ha! I’ll give you a dose of strychnine, which is considered by the profession the most polite way of getting rid of mean dogs; ah, ha! don’t you see, my boy?’
“He gave me a punch under the arm with his thumb. ‘Yes, ah, ha! I’ll poison you as I would a rat or a dog, if ever you dare to cause my little queen a moment’s pain.’
“‘I promise to swallow all the strychnine in the drug-stores if ever I do an act willingly to give dear Lottie pain.’
“‘There! there! ah, ha! spoken like a man. Here we come; take my hand, and my blessing with it, you rascal! Ah, ha! what a lucky scamp you are! What on earth possessed the girl, to make her fall in love with such an overgrown mushroom. Well, well, well! I can scarcely believe that Lottie is in earnest; she has agreed to marry you out of pure pity, you good-for-nothing scamp. Well, if Lottie is fool enough to marry you, I’ll be fool enough to give her all my property in order to enable her to support you; ah, ha! you see how it is, don’t you, my boy?’
“I was very glad to see that the good old doctor was really delighted with the news of my engagement.
“‘Ah, ha! Eddie, here we come, my boy! go to work, go to work; you are going to be the head of a family, you know, therefore you must have something to support a family with.’
“‘What do you wish me to do, sir?’ I inquired.
“‘Take an inventory of these drugs, of course; ah, ha! my boy, take stock, take stock; find out how the business stands. See how the business stands; see what’s on hand, and mind that you don’t lose too much time thinking about Lottie. Ah, ha! my boy, you see how it is yourself, don’t you? Take stock, find out everything. How can a man support a family without something to do it with? Ah, ha! my boy, tell me how it can be done? Can’t tell? of course you can’t; neither can I—impossible!—family can’t be supported on air, or gas—must have bread—bread, of course. Well, how are you going to buy bread when you have nothing to buy it with? Lottie must have bread—you know; therefore go to work, take stock, take an inventory, then the business is half yours; ah, ha! you see now, don’t you, Eddie, my boy? Full partner signboard: Dodson & Demar, Druggists and physicians, etc., etc., etc. Ah, ha! do you see, Eddie, my boy? Lottie’s a lady, you know; must have nice clothes; must have bread; money buys bread, money buys clothes, money buys nice home; where does the money come from? Drug-store, of course—full partner. Ah, ha! Eddie, my boy, here we come, Dodson & Demar; now go to work, fix things lively, let me see balance sheet with nice figures; have everything done up in apple-pie order; think of Lottie as much as you please, but mind you don’t take a dose of dog poison by mistake. Do you know the reason why I like you, Eddie, my boy? Ah, ha! of course you do; ’tis because you don’t play billiards. You can’t play whist; you can’t play poker; you can’t play chess; you’re a booby, that’s what you are, Eddie, my boy, ah, ha! therefore I like you. I admire boobies, who can’t play billiards nor poker. I’m a booby myself, you see, consequently I like ’em. Lottie likes boobies—that accounts for her foolish love for you; she learned that from me; shows her good sense. I told her that boobies were the best in the long run; billiard players, poker players, chess players, perfumed pretty boys are splendid fellows in a short race, but when it comes to long heats, they are always left behind.’
“Doctor Dodson had the utmost contempt for idle young men, and usually expressed his opinion in language by no means complimentary to that class. I was highly pleased to know that I was to be admitted into the firm as an equal partner—it would enable me to support my Lottie as a lady in that station of life to which her accomplishments and beauty entitled her. It was my duty to make known my engagement to Mr. Rockland, and to ask his consent to our marriage; and this was a task which I dreaded exceedingly; because I was not so sure that he would sanction the union. Mr. Rockland was a first-class lawyer who had accumulated a splendid fortune by his profession, and he was one of those austere, cold-natured kind of men whose ambition had usurped many of his good qualities; yet he loved Lottie with all his heart, and so did his wife; but I had a strong suspicion that they were inclined to encourage Mr. Heartsell in his suit for Lottie’s hand. The more I thought the matter over, the more I dreaded to mention it to Mr. Rockland; I had a high regard for him because he loved Lottie. He had given her a home, a real happy home, where she had been surrounded with all the comforts and luxuries that money could procure; he had given her a first-class education—nay, more than that, he had educated Harry, who was now preparing to enter the legal profession with brilliant prospects. Mr. Rockland was always busy—in fact, he was injuring his health by incessant labor, and I knew he would be annoyed if I should attempt to seek an interview with him during business hours; I therefore watched for an opportunity to speak to him when he should be passing from his office to his residence. One evening, about three days after Lottie had promised to marry me, I saw Mr. Rockland walking toward his residence, with a large bundle of papers under his arm. He was looking very pale and sad, and I felt my knees trembling as I approached him for the purpose of speaking to him about Lottie.
“‘Are you in a great hurry, Mr. Rockland?’ I inquired timidly.
“‘Yes, Edward,’ was the solemn answer, ‘I am always in a hurry; but why do you ask the question?’
“‘I was wanting to speak to you about a matter of great moment; but if you are busy, I can wait.’
“‘Will it occupy much time, Edward?’
“‘No, sir.’
“‘Then walk with me to my residence, and I’ll hear what you have to say.’
“I walked in silence by his side as he led the way to his home. Lottie met us at the gate, and greeted Mr. Rockland with a kiss, then took my arm.
“‘What is the matter with you, Eddie? you look as if you had been ill.’
“‘You must be mistaken, Lottie, for I never was in better health in my life.’
“‘Come then with me into the garden; I wish to show you my new pet—it is the prettiest one of all.’
“‘I beg you will excuse me just now; I have come to see Mr. Rockland on a matter of importance; and he has kindly granted me an interview; when