Bayan ya gudu daga farfajiyar, aboki, yana jujjuyawa cikin zigzag, ya fara shawo kan tsabtace lambun, ya fasa gidan katako da hotbeds, da aladun, Mamma, Borusya, ta yi birgima a diddige, kawai rike mini-takobi na karni na goma sha takwas wanda ya toshe bakin naki mai lakabi. riko riko. Nisa ta yi nisa kuma abokin aikinta tuni ya yi kururuwa don neman taimako sai kawai ya doru a kai, ya taimaka masa yaga kuma ya tsere, wanda taron Asiatic-Gypsies da mutanen da ke lura da shi-da makwabta suka hango waje da shingen. Tajik da iyaye mata masu motsa jiki sun kori yaran daga shingen, amma ba su kame ba, suna son kallon babban mai fafutukar da ake kira: «ɗaukar fansa da kisan ɗan alade Borusi kan mayaƙan sojojin Rasha.» Kuma zai zama abin ban damuwa idan ba don tarin tsirar da taki a ƙarshen gonar ba, amma a ciki akwai ɓarnar ɓoye ɓoye waɗanda mazauna ƙauyukan Rasha ke ɓoye hay a cikin loka. Sun kama su, ba da dabara ba, wani abokin fada, kuma nan take duk abin da ya faru daban ya kasance ko akasin haka: ƙungiyar mammoth Fighting tana gudu, kuma wani ɗan ighteran uwan nan ya yaɗa maƙogwaron ta, bisa ga sandar, kuma don haka da sauri cikin dabara da dabara, kamar dai yana kan gwajin dabara ne., ba ya rike cokali mai yatsu, sai dai bindigar Kalashnikov, tare da wuka bayoneti. Kuma har ma da masu sauraro sun goyi bayan mai faɗa tare da tafi, suna yabon da yaba da nasarar nasarar homo sapiens, sojojin Rasha na yau da kullun – a kan yanayi, dalili kan hankali, kuma a sakamakon haka alade ba zai iya tsayar da harin ba kuma ya ruguje har lahira, a ƙofar ƙofar zuwa gidan, a bakin kofofin wanda ya kasance an shaggy rike da wuya a hannu daya kuma ya jefa na biyu a bayan ta na baya, mahaifiyar tsohuwar Yad-Vig ce. Abokin ya sanya jirgi na ƙarshe a cikin gawa na naman alade da dansandan, ya soki jikin dabbar, yana jujjuyawa kamar zaren dunƙulen dabbobin biyu, mai kama da wuta.
– Lafiya, kaka, aboki Spartak ya fara jaruntaka. – yi, zuba da saita tebur!!!
Labari Kaka ta jawo wani mirgine mai gurnani daga bayanta, wanda ke mirgine kullu don burushi da pizza, kuma tare da tabarma sun matse shi a saman kwanyar. Wata muryar mara sauti ce, kuma mu biyun muka gudu daga gare ta. Ta kuma fasa kwauri, kilogram goma zuwa biyar, ta jefa mana. Kuma duk wadanda ke lura da lamarin sun haye ta wurinta kuma sun tashi don bin mu, amma ba su fyauce ba, amma komarin daga duwatsun sun ji rauni. Labari Kaka Yad-Vig, sannan ya rubuta karar zuwa kwamandan sojan, wanda suka ba ni kwanaki goma, da Comrade – sun yi wa wani soja horo, na tsawon shekaru biyu, inda ya hau daga kararrawa zuwa kararrawa, tsaftace shit da ke cikin garin pigsty, da hannu…
bayanin kula 3
Mai rufe bakin snoring
Ya kasance kamar haka: a bayan tashar metro na babban kwamandan, Saint da kawai Sasha, a cikin dinari din na cutarwa na alimony, akwai gidan bayan gida na bukkoki guda uku da aka haɗa ta hanyar sarkar, wanda aka tilasta ta da manufa guda, biyu daga cikinsu sun yi aiki a matsayin gidan bayan gida, inda mazaunan St. Petersburg, kuma na uku shine ofishin mai aiki da mai ba da kuɗi, a cikin mutum ɗaya wanda ya tara kuɗi don sabis na samar da tarin shit.
Mutane suka yi layi-layi, suna gudu suna jiran dukkan wuraren farawa. Kuma a tsakanin tsakanin baƙi, na yi amfani da kuɗaɗen kuɗaɗe, na siyar da kuɗaɗe don kuɗaɗen kuɗaɗe, ta mallaki matsayin mai aiki da mai kuɗin gidajen nan na gidan wakafi, Claudia Filippovna Undershram, gado na Leningrad na ƙarni na biyar. Ba ta kashe kai tsaye ga wannan mummunar rantsuwa na lallashewa ba, Ina so in lura cewa ban faɗi kaina a wancan lokacin ba, kuma na yi magana da shi. Amma sakamakon ya kasance akan fuska. Fuskar ta ninka biyu. Ya kasance, a cikin alheri, maraice. Mutane sun yi yawa. Ni, banyi tunanin yanayin jikin mahaifiyar mahaifiyata ba, na yanke shawarar jefawa cikin karamar hanya. Haka kuma, ina da damar yin amfani da ’yanci. Kuma yayin da na shiga cikin biosort kyauta, na ji daidai da Aunt. Gashi abinci ya saka ni a bayan gida. Bayan wannan, na zama mai tsananin magana, sannan tattaunawar tare da baki suka biyo baya, da kuma ci gaba, fashewar ragowar maƙarƙashiyar jijiyoyi a jikin bango, ta bakin bakina da barci, mafarki mai daɗi ba tare da mafarki ba. A wannan lokacin, Claudia Filippovna Undershram ta farka daga maye, wanda aka bayyana a cikin bushe bushe da jin makogwaro, shine, ƙishirwa, saka ruwa wani abu kuma, cikin sauri da tsoron faɗuwar rana, a matsayin dalilin yin latti a gida. Da sauri ta tashi ta rufe, a jikin mayafin, duk matatunan bushewa da ni, muna bacci a ciki, gami da guduwa…
Sannan akwai wani dare cike da cike da mutane na ciyayi da jigo daban-daban na rayuwa wadanda basu kai matsayin jirgin karkashin kasa ba, suna bacci akan benci. Ganin yadda ake sanya ido, jami’an tsaro uku na suttura, a cikin motar kamfani, na tambarin Zhiguli dauke da lambobin shudi da rubutu a jikin MILIYAN, har yanzu ba a kirkiri ’yan sanda a cikin Rasha ba, sun hau motar don duba yanayin duhu. Bayan sun tabbata cewa komai yana daidai da doka kuma babu wanda zai iya karɓar kuɗi na hagu, sun kafa motocinsu a layi ɗaya da juna, a kusa da ƙasa, wanda ya haɗa da biosorti… Biyu tare da bindigogin inji, batons, gas mai wuta, takalma da caps suka fito suka nufi zuwa ga wuraren shakatawa na ’yan kasuwar Asiya da ke «shawarma», wanda citizensan ƙasa na Federationasar Rasha ke gudanarwa, tare da kasancewa Moroan ƙasar Moroccan, waɗanda ba su ma fahimci yawancin Rashanci ba ne, amma’ yan ƙasa ne, kuma hakan ya kasance tare da rubutun «GAY SHAURMA GA PUTIN DA TRUMP». Me yasa irin wannan sunan yake, wataƙila, masu fassara suna cikin walwala. Direban da bindiga, ya tsaya a cikin motar a helkwata kuma ba zato ba tsammani?!
Ni, ba mai bin doka ba ne na Federationasar Rashanci, ni ɗan Rashanci ne ta ɗan ƙasa. Ya iso daga USSR, Jamhuriyar Kazakhstan, inda suka doke ni tun ina ƙarami saboda kawai ɗan Rasha ne. Koyaya, lokacin da na girma, na riga na doke su. Amma wannan labarin daban ne, kuma yanzu ga makirci: Ni, ba mai bin doka ba ne na Federationasar Rasha, ta ƙasa – Rashanci, fursuna mai daraja, FSB babba, mai fensho, mai nakasa da duk wannan a hade, musamman tunda na san duk wannan a ɓoye, ba Inda bai taho ba, kwatsam ya farka daga zafin kunar bakin wake daga makabartar makwabta kuma, don ya zama daidai, Ina iya jin rufewar, dare, dakin murabba’ai a kusa da ni, da rufin da ke sama. Na ji komai kuma ban iya tunawa ko ban fahimci inda nake ba?! Ganuwar ta runtse tunanina. Na yanke shawara in hau «karamin mataki», inda nake zaune a gabana, ƙafafuna ya faɗi a cikin rami, kuma akwai komai kamar ba. Na yi kururuwa na farka, tare da rhythmic snoring, mafarki na janar ’yar, comrade sandan, da direba-lokaci direba. Ya firgita har ma ya fado kamar mahaukaci, yana murza kirjinsa, amma nan take ya yaba da lamarin, amma bai yi imani da fatalwar ba. Ni, ba tare da gwanin zagi ba, an la’ane ni da neman taimako, ƙoƙarin barin aƙalla wani rami a cikin ɗayan bangon, amma ayyukana ba su da amfani, kuma satarwar ba ta daina ba.
A wancan lokacin, a wani gefen bayan gida, wani abokin aikin karusar, sajan ya riga ya yi kira don ƙarfafa, kuma biyu, ba su tsammanin abincin Arab daga kullu da kaza, kuliyoyi da karnuka da aka saya da komai, sun riga sun gudu zuwa taimakon abokin aiki da abokin aiki.
Na ji sautuna a gefe guda na rumfa, amma hakan bai taimaka wajen rage ciwon kai ba.
– Wanene a nan? – ɗayansu ya tambaya.
– Ga ni nan, kai kuma wanene kai? Na tambaya.
– Ni? yanzu kun san…
– Ka rushe ginin!! – Na tambayi ɗayan kuma ba wuya a yi wannan tare da ganga ta bindiga hari. Doorofar ta buɗe. A gabana ya tsaya ƙanana uku masu mamaki, ɗaya, a hanya, ɗayan ido, a cikin suttura mai kama da ɗayan. Daga nan sai suka kai ni ofishin ’yan sanda mafi kusa, kuma bangon bayan gida bai taba yin barna ba.
Mai tsaron ya yi dogon tunanin yadda zai bayyana dalilin tsare shi bisa aiki a cikin rahoton. Kuma ya bayyana kamar haka:
«… Aka tsare, yayin ƙoƙarin kwace abin da ke cikin gidan bayan gida daga ciki, yana ɓoyewa daga adalci tare da maƙulli, daga waje.»
Kowa ya ji daɗi, musamman ma saboda wanda ya gabata, wanda aka tilasta masa tsabtace wasu ofis, ya yi ƙoƙarin tserewa kuma ya makale a saman rufin katako na taga da haƙarƙarin haƙarƙarin na ƙarni na goma sha takwas. An kira masu kashe gobara, a kan daidai, masu fada a ji, kuma masu kashe gobara sune wadanda suka kunna wuta. Abin baƙin ciki, ba a ƙirƙira ma’aikatar gaggawa ba tukuna. Wadanda suka tambaye shi:
– Me kuka makale?
– Bugawa