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Orthodox weekdays
In this wretched bomberman, a home for the homeless, on Sinopskaya embankment 26, under the name RBOO “Nochlezhka”, there were not only criminals, tokens, Chukchi and three Ukrainians, that is, residents from Donetsk region. The rest of the Ukrainians are Bandera fascists, but there also lived two monks of the Orthodox Church who were already tired of believing in God, and they decided to take the summer break from their lunch of obedience and the ban of some worldly temptations, observing, of course, the main dinner of celibacy, given with tonsure. Of course, they, secretly from others at night, were picking their fingers in each other’s asshole, and, apparently, they did not need to cancel this dinner, due to the non-standing of some standing parts of the body, in the groin area. Having escaped from the monastery of the Alexander Nevsky Lavra, the city of St. Petersburg, they deliberately forgot all the statutory laws and obeyed worldly lawlessness: they smoked, thumped, swore, and, finally, after going to bed, repented to their Lord. Of course, they could be understood, because Father Seraphim had already been a monk for twenty years, from time immemorial of Soviet times and even sat in the zone, for criminals, for religious beliefs. And Fion’s father, served in the holy field for less than twelve years, but only recently received this tonsure from this extravagant monk Seraphim, from the Kiev Pechersk Lavra, from where he was planted back in the council, and he began wandering around monasteries and churches. As Seraphim has repeatedly said that his soul has long been in heaven, but the flesh still can’t calm down and die. And he waited for this hour every evening, praying before going to bed. Their God apparently also understood that they were not iron, because they worshiped the main dinner of celibacy, did not start it, and generally did not pay attention to women as to intimacy. And their money was spent without labor and disappeared just as they came.
In Nochlezhka, they immediately made many false friends, drinking companions, and the monks, through captivity, became a kind of breadwinner for some parasitic parasites who enslaved the disabled and old people of their floor, as well as helpless poor fellows being equated with them, their daily bribe. But the monks gradually overlooked this freebie on their part and decided to change the circle of contacts and the place of spending the night, resorting to contacting me and spending the night in the basement of the dormitory of the Seminary of the Alexander Nevsky Lavra, where Aleksashka Nevzorov once studied. I had not yet lost the skills and experience of street fighting and enjoyed special authority among the thieves. They called me without a tower and sometimes did not dare to argue. In short, I was not contacted, and I, after listening to Seraphim and Fiona, who knew about my authority really, and not by rumors, about communication and earnings, prudently agreed. The bottom line was that I was a kind of security wallet.
They, dressed in a cassock, went into any store and offered to pray for the health of their relatives, the day before, supposedly, leaving for some Pskov caves. One name was worth again in the amount of twenty rubles. The money was transferred to me, and the receipts taken in the Kazan Cathedral were burned under their prayer service. I, unlike them, was dressed in civilian clothes, but with a beard. This was done in case the cops grabbed at us, then I am of the left type, and they have not a penny in their presence. And everything went perfectly. On the day we “chopped”, that is, we received just like that, not one thousand rubles each and after work we wandered around the taverns, where we poured one hundred grams, getting drunk to a pig’s appearance. And they wandered to their cells, the seminary hostel, at the Alexander Nevsky Lavra, well-fed and drunk, happy and tired, from the day passed, but the road home was both dangerous and difficult. Woke up in different ways, it happened in the detoxification center. And here again we are being taken already pretty drunk to the police station. Fiona is completely numb. He was thin, very kind, well-read and naive. The expression on his face, especially the drunk, was like the face of a blunt-eyed ram with slanting eyes. The seraph, on the contrary, was slanting and fat, like a pig, greedy and cunning. He constantly had to be searched, right up to the anus, where heroin, cocaine and weed are usually hidden. True, Fiona’s father climbed into the anus, he was also the initiator of the search of everyone in turn, of course, except for me, because I had the money, and I could cut it on the slope or on the liver, for trust and faith in my words, so they always believed in my specificity. And after the discovery of banknotes, Father Seraphim repented and asked for forgiveness, kneeling on his knees, wondering wondering how they rolled in there, muttering:
– — But how did they get there?
Having taken us to the next police station, the officer on duty ordered us to close our gang in a monkey house, where two Turkmens and a lousy, smelly, homeless schmuck dressed in winter were already clowning, although the heat was overboard plus thirty, and he was also wearing a winter hat. And he says without demand that it’s cold in the morning from fishing, and he scratches either the shoulder blades, then the buttock, then the neck, then the armpit, or the sole, without taking off his shoes, then the groin and other places. And it is true.
We brought Fiona into an armpit in a cage and put him on a waiting bench. He retired to his back and snored, opening his mouth for the most I do not want, from which saliva flowed out slowly and got confused, swaddled by the hair of a beard and mustache. Crouching on the mucus, the flies were sticky, like a poisonous flypaper from mosquitoes. Seraphim was rattling while sitting. And I tried to hide the remnants of money in the sole, where I had a built-in wallet-cache. Suddenly, the grate opened and the most healthy, probably from the entire Central Internal Affairs Directorate, went into the inside, an android with a gun on his shoulder. He slowly, eating his eyes, examined the chmyr, then, as the eagle glanced at the Asian twins of different ages, they already stuck from the eyes of the guardian to the wall, opening narrow eye slits to five ruble coins, called our pupils and looked at the sleeping Fiona, which by then a swarm of flies was circling in his mouth, resembling the funnel of a tornado. Seraphim opened his left eye and said:
– — Commander, finish him off! – and those on duty at the bar, splashing not brought up saliva in a circle, laughing. The redneck in body armor calmly, creaking with the bones of the cervical vertebra, turned his head, without moving and falsetto, that is, in a voice like a little girl, he blew up:
– — You, wise guy, with things to go.. Fast!!
Seraphim slowly shook his head to catch the eyes of the guardian with his pupils, slowly got up and left the drive.
– -FULL NAME. – asked the duty officer.
– -I AM?! Father Seraphim! – the old monk answered proudly and stroked his beard.
– — I said, full name!! – the duty officer arrived. – or go to the camera for three days.
– — Cattle Sergey Baituleuovich. – insultingly called his name secular Seraphim. – I’ll curse it. he hissed.
– -What?? – Asked the cop.
– — I say that I wore this name for a long time, before tonsure and the adoption of a celibacy dinner. he declared and hissed again. – I’ll curse it.
– — Right now I’ll drive you between the legs with a club. – snarled the second, standing on the back of the saint’s father. – That’s right, it’s already night now?!
– — In the morning – Cattle, and in the evening.. – sitting next to him added. – — This is not so; I have already been faithful for twenty years. – I started to ache like a child whose candy was taken away.
– — Hey, Seraphim, he’s a Redneck..
– — He is Chikatilo. – Having interrupted, he added a healthy cop.
– — Have you seen the relics of your tesos?
– —