Neither the author nor the publisher has any connection with either Jordan Peterson, the author of 12 Rules for Life, or the publisher of that book, and readers must not interpret anything in this book as giving rise to any such connection.
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First published in Australia by Allen & Unwin 2019
This edition HarperCollinsPublishers 2019
FIRST EDITION
© Kitty Flanagan 2019
Cover design by Tohby Riddle © HarperCollinsPublishers 2019
Cover illustration © Tohby Riddle
Internal illustrations by Tohby Riddle
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Kitty Flanagan asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
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Source ISBN: 9780008391836
Ebook Edition © November 2019 ISBN: 9780008391843
Version 2019-11-12
For Marmee
Contents
Copyright
Dedication
A word from the author
How to use this book
THE FUNDAMENTAL RULE
AROUND THE HOME
HEALTH & LIFESTYLE
AT THE OFFICE
LANGUAGE
PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES
FOOD
RELATIONSHIPS & DATING
PARENTING
FASHION
AT THE MOVIES
AT THE SHOPS
TECHNOLOGY
SPORT
PARTIES & CELEBRATIONS
HOLIDAYS & TRAVEL
ART & ENTERTAINMENT
THE FINAL RULE
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Other Books By
About the Publisher
This book started out as a five-minute segment on ABC TV’s The Weekly program, it was inspired by the bestselling book 12 Rules for Life and it was a joke. I took issue with the fact that author, Jordan Peterson, only had twelve rules. Twelve? For life? That’s madness, I have more than twelve rules just for the bathroom.
After the segment aired, I kept being stopped by people wanting to know where they could buy this book (that didn’t actually exist) called 488 Rules for Life. It was suddenly apparent that I wasn’t the only crackpot out there who loves rules. So I decided to do the book for real. But it’s still a joke. Even I admit that 488 is a lot of rules and obviously no one will like all of the rules, but I’m pretty sure everyone will like some of the rules. And when you do hit a particular rule that resonates, it will make you feel really good—you’ll enjoy the fact that someone else gets as annoyed or outraged or exhausted by the same things you do.
If, by some chance, you manage to read the entire book and don’t find a single rule you agree with and instead keep thinking, I don’t get why she’s so irritated by people? Why can’t she just live and let live? that’s okay, that’s your prerogative … as long as you understand you are probably really annoying a lot of people around you with your unbearable positivity and your ‘I love everything’ attitude.
I think, deep down, people are crying out for rules. Once it was commonplace to look to published guides for advice on behaviour, protocol and etiquette. Guides produced by recognised authorities, such as Debrett’s in the United Kingdom and Emily Post in the United States. Even in Australia we had our very own Miss Manners, the formidable June Dally-Watkins—I met her once, she didn’t say hello, she just looked me up and down and told me in no uncertain terms I should never wear a white bra under a white shirt. ‘Always nude, dear, always nude.’
But these days there is no such guide in circulation, and I believe the rise in rude behaviour and the lack of basic courtesy we are witnessing in the modern world is quite possibly due to ignorance. If you don’t know the rules, how are you supposed to abide by them?
Which is