Hunter was talking in his sleep, just like he’d said he would.
“No, I don’t think so,” he said. It was hard to make out what he was saying because his back was to me and he was mumbling. Figuring I probably wasn’t going to get back to sleep, I turned so I could see him.
“Don’t. Stop it. Put it down.” His voice was calm, but his words were not. He seemed to be having a nightmare. Guess I wasn’t the only one.
“Please don’t.” His voice had a hint of tears in it. I wondered if I should wake him up. He tossed in his sleep, throwing his covers about. I didn’t have time to shut my eyes, but luckily his blanket covered strategic places. It was also still pretty dark. Even still, it showed enough. His back was to me, and I saw yet another tattoo in the middle of his back.
“Stop!” he said louder.
I got out of bed and stumbled over. Maybe I could poke him and get back into bed quick enough so he wouldn’t notice. I shoved his shoulder, but he moved so fast that I stumbled and nearly fell on top of him. A hand lashed out at me, and I had to duck to avoid it.
“Hunter! Wake up!” It was déjà vu. I hoped this wouldn’t become a pattern.
A strong, warm hand grabbed my shoulder, and his eyes flew open. He gasped, as if he didn’t know where he was. His grip relaxed.
“Hey, it’s okay. You just seemed upset.”
He glanced at his hand on my shoulder as if it didn’t belong to him. He let go and pushed away from me.
“Go back to bed,” he said.
“Are you okay?”
“Go. Back. To. Bed.” His teeth were gritted, and he looked like he was angry that I’d woken him. My bad.
“Sorry,” I said before stepping away and crawling back into bed.
He breathed heavily and rolled back over. I didn’t go back to sleep, and I could tell he didn’t either. A half hour later I heard him get up and put his boxers and a T-shirt on. I pretended I was asleep. A little while later I heard low voices in the kitchen. Deciding it was about time, I got up and went to find some breakfast.
Hunter was hunched over a plate of eggs and toast when I came out of our room. Renee was on the couch with the television on and a bowl of cereal. I heard the noise of the shower and made the deduction that Darah was in there.
“Good morning,” I said to whoever would answer.
Hunter grunted and Renee made a similar noise. It was only the second day of classes, but everyone was still on summer time.
I grabbed a bowl of cereal and went to sit with Renee. I was getting bad vibes from Hunter. That boy and I were going to have to have a chat, sooner or later. I had the feeling he was going to avoid it as long as he possibly could. I’d have to be the one pushing.
One by one, my roommates went to their various morning classes until it was just me and Hunter. Surprise, surprise.
“We need to talk,” I said, “and you can’t do that thing where you shut down or don’t answer or make some sort of innuendo so I’ll get distracted or off topic. If we’re going to live together, we’ve got to be able to talk to one another. Got it?”
He put his plate in the sink and turned around, bracing his back against it. His eyes told me I was in for a battle.
“Don’t make me punch you again, because I swear to God, I will.” That elicited a smirk. His face still had a slight shadow where I’d gotten him. “I also have no qualms about going for your man bits again.”
“I don’t doubt you for a second, Missy.”
“I’ve talked with housing about you. I have a meeting on Friday with the head of housing.”
“Still trying to get rid of me?”
“I just don’t see how this can work out. You’re…you.” I couldn’t come up with a better way of saying it.
“Yes, I am.” He seemed to get it. “But I fail to see that as a reason for kicking me out. If I came home drunk or had sex with strange girls or made you uncomfortable, that would be a reason.”
“You do make me uncomfortable.”
“But not in that way. I make you uncomfortable because I shake up what you thought about people. I make you nervous. You want me, but you don’t know why and you can’t stop fighting it.”
I sputtered for a second, shocked. “You are so…” My hands shook with anger. I really, really wanted to punch him again.
“I’ve hit a nerve, I see. Means I’m right.”
“You are the cockiest, douchebaggy asshat I’ve ever met, and I can’t wait to get rid of you.”
He laughed for the first time. On anyone else, it would have been sexy as hell. On him, it just made me more enraged.
“Fuck you, Hunter. Fuck. You.”
“You want to, that’s part of your problem.”
Before I could react, he crossed the room and stood right in front of me.
“Tell me you don’t want me. Look me in the eye and tell me if I kissed you right now, you wouldn’t kiss me back. Tell me.”
“I don’t want you,” I said, grinding my teeth around every word. Breathing became difficult. He was so close. I couldn’t see anything beyond him. My eye level was at his chest, where the ink from his tattoos showed through the thin cotton. His smell surrounded me, and I caught a tiny whiff of sweat. My mouth went dry, and I kept my eyes on his chest because I knew I couldn’t look up.
Two days ago, I hadn’t known Hunter Zaccadelli existed. Today, I couldn’t look him in the eyes for fear I’d lose myself. No, I had to shut this down.
I closed my eyes and stepped away.
“I don’t want you,” I said, looking at his eyes and not blinking. “Now get away from me.” He didn’t move, so I walked away.
One thing was sure: I had to get Hunter out of my life.
I wanted him. I wanted him to kiss me and touch my face and put his fingers in my hair. I wanted him to pick me up and hold me and be with me. I was losing it. Absolutely losing it. I had to get out of this space. He took up too much of it. He made my brain do funny things and not think clearly.
I had to get away.
I got dressed as quickly as I could and threw my books for the day into my bag. I dashed to the bathroom, hoping I wouldn’t run into Hunter. I could hear his guitar in the living room. I didn’t look at him as I rushed out the door. As soon as I was in the hallway, I was able to breathe.
What was it about him? Was it the tattoos? The way he called me Missy? The way he was so open about his sexuality? Maybe it was a combination.
It was a combination I couldn’t say no to, but I would have to. I was never going to fall in love. I was never going to be with someone like that. People only hurt you when you loved them that way. They took what they wanted and used you up. My mother still missed my dad, even though it had been so many years. She still looked at their wedding pictures and smiled, thinking about times when they were happy. But it hadn’t lasted. Nothing like that lasted.
Boys like Hunter burned everything they touched. Boys like that were dangerous. I knew that without a doubt. If I let him, Hunter would drag me down. I would not let it happen.
I spent the rest of the day looking for Hunter around every corner. I turned my phone