‘Jess?’ I said again, having realised she hadn’t even replied. ‘Are you listening to me? You’ve gone very quiet tonight.’
‘Mmm,’ she mumbled, while keeping her eyes glued on the television. ‘What did you say?’
‘Oh, never mind,’ I laughed. ‘I’m sure those celebrities eating kangaroo’s balls are much more interesting. You’ll talk to me, won’t you, Mr Elliott? Do you like the rain?’ I blew a raspberry on his cheek, the noise reverberating around the room. He shrieked with laughter as my lips vibrated against his skin, a laugh I hadn’t heard before.
‘Hey, look, Jess, he’s properly giggling!’
‘I know, yeah,’ she replied, her eyes still fixed on the television.
‘Oh, right.’ The dejection in my voice was obvious. ‘He’s done it before then? I thought it was a new thing. I thought, you know, he might be getting better.’
Jessica prised her eyes away from the television as she turned to look at me, a flicker of anger skimming her face. ‘He’s brain-dead, Liam. He’s not getting better.’ She practically spat out the words.
‘No,’ I shot back, the confusion advertising itself on my face. ‘He’s brain-damaged, not brain-dead. There is a difference.’ I suddenly felt a stirring of anger inside my gut as I held her gaze, an irritation that I couldn’t seem to scratch. The first stirrings of panic clung to me as I realised we were heading for an argument. I’d never argued with Jessica before, not even once. I wasn’t an arguer; I hated any type of confrontation. But there was something else. I suddenly felt a niggling of doubt within me. Did she blame me for what had happened to Elliott? After everything she had said to the contrary, did she actually blame me?
‘Jess?’ I let her name hang there, not sure what I really wanted to say. She looked away from me, her eyes quickly filling with tears. Swallowing loudly, her face became redder as she clearly grappled with something she wanted to say.
‘Jess, what is it?’ I asked, slightly louder than a few seconds previously. My voice shook as I spoke. I was suddenly afraid of the conversation I knew we were about to have, even though I had no clue what the conversation would actually be about. Elliott appeared to feel my tension; he began to thrash around on my knee, arching his back and whinging. I kissed the top of his head and whispered shushing noises into his ear, while all the time keeping my eyes fixed on Jessica.
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