Dear Mum and Dad,
I got a postcard from Normus today saying wish you were hairy (joke). He says he is having a nice time only a bit 2 much trout maybe, also no luck with caves.
You say you have got new naybores, nayboors, people next door called Fang and Mauler Snarl-Wolfington – they sound posh, but are they nice noisy wuns?
Yours interestedly,
L Wolf
The Law
Dear Mum and Dad,
Yeller says Arrrrrroooo by a short note to let me know he has made himself cosy in a nice smelly hole, not 2 sunny in the morningtime. It is a good place for having new ideas about funny tricks ect.
Here is a good 1 he sent me for tricking your mum. Go into the lav, get some toilet paper, go round and round with it till you are covered up, then shout, “Mummy Mummy.”
If your mummy comes along wurrid, saying, “Yes?”, then you say (hollow voice) “So am I, har har!”
Here is my Cheesy Toothpaste trick I sent him back. Get sum Skweezy Cheesy in a tube, cross out the words on it saying Skweezy Cheesy and put Toothpaste. Then if your dad says, “Hoy pack in cleaning your teeth all the time!” you say, “Har Har, I am eating cheese really.”
Yours chucklingly,
Little
PS For this toothpaste trick you can use any old tube of food like condensation milk, but not glue, Ok? (Bit harsh).
Dear Mum and Dad,
Thank you for your gruff letter saying pack in tricking and start hunting for a nowrushing newrishing murishing joosy snack for your poor little sweetypaws, Smells. You do not menshun my tummy what has gone small as a small ant. Never mind, off I go suddenly to fetch Smells a nice fat moosy or a buffalo, maybe. So do not blame me if he gets the windy bumps like normal for not chewing proply.
Yours,
A Noid
Dear Mum and Dad,
Thank you for the nice pic of the posh new people next door that Dad took with his new spy-camera strapped to his knee.
Shame he did not tuck the camera up higher in his hearole, I like pics with faces on. Never mind.
You say their lair has 5 sleepholes and 2 lickrooms, plus they have a really really really clever cub called Spoiler who knows THE LOT. Plus you say he is a proper brute beast, not a small weaky like me that only likes reading and writing.
Now I am all upset.
Yours jealously,
Littly
PS Do not tell Spoiler any of our tricks, case he steals tham, Ok?
PPS Smells has just come in all wet but still no gold.
PPPS Yes I am going to give him some grub NOW. It is my hedgehog. I was saving as a treat 4 me, but never mind.
The Housy Thing,1 Can’t Remember Lane,Forgetshire
Dear errr umm, is that Mud and Dam or are you my Mim and Dood?
Yesterday I played cleaning out my earwax with gunpowder, so my brane went off bang, shame, eh?
Now I bet you will say, “Oh shock, our best eldest cub, no more fine letters from him, he has gone and got hamknees armniece amsneezia lost his memory! Now he will forget we are fierce wolves and think we are just fat peabugs with fur coats on, oo-er, sob sob ect.”
True, plus I cannot remember the name of my baby bruv even, so no chance I can look after him for you any more, sorry. Now he will have to come back to the Lair and chew your videos for a change.
Yours trickingly,
Thingy
PS Good I, yes? Did you get it? It was me really.
PPS Dad’s spy pics are getting better, yes? Spoiler is very hansum, eh? (fib fib).
My real address (not a trick wun, honest)
Dear Mum and Dad,
Not fair you sending Smellybreff that parcel with the spanking machine in, just because of 1 small trick letter from me. Also the machine was batteries not included. So Smells has pinched all my wuns out of my torch, my Walkwolf, and my swimmy bathfrog ect. Just so the machine would chase me round going
Also, thanks for your crool postcard that you sent saying serve you right plus instruckshuns. All right I will look after Smells for ages more, but tell him to pack in being a fusspot, saying he only likes eating Krispy Ducklets with Moosepops, also skweezing brown sauce in the keyholes, not funny.
I did not mean to say you were fat peabugs. That was a short joke, only I forgot about Dad being a lergic to fun.
Yours warmbottly,
L Wolf
PS I hope those batteries pack up soon,