‘Ed. James here. Can you talk?’ James pulls his mobile back from his ear and leans into me so I can hear too.
‘Briefly. Maxine, or “Cruella De V-i-l-e”, as I’ve renamed her, is in the kitchenette … purring to a phone sex client, no doubt,’ Eddie hisses, and I giggle.
‘Well, how would you like to get your own back on her?’ James glances at me, a grin forming on his face. My heart pounds; it’s fantastic that he doesn’t think badly of me any more.
‘I’m listening …’ Eddie says slowly, his voice perking up.
‘I’ve got Georgie here with me.’ James smiles at me, and I instantly feel happier, glad I made the effort to make things right between us.
‘Hello,’ I say, into the phone.
‘Hi girlfrieeend.’ I laugh.
‘We’re in the café,’ James tells him.
‘I’m there.’ And before James can say any more, the line goes dead.
A few minutes later, Eddie appears. He throws himself into the booth next to me.
‘Got here as fast as my little trotters could carry me,’ he pants. James and I laugh at the state of him. Eddie looks as though he’s practically launched himself down from upstairs. His face is flushed and he can hardly breathe, he’s that eager to get one over Maxine. We quickly bring him up to speed, telling him about the mind games she’s been playing with each of us.
‘And she’s having an affair with Tom,’ I end. Eddie throws me a confused look, but I know my secret is safe. Then he flings his hand up theatrically and quickly gasps in horror.
‘Weell. Calm now, children. I can raise you on that one.’ A cheeky smile unfolds across Eddie’s lips. He flings one leg over the other and, after leaning forward, he rubs his hands together, savouring the anticipation. James and I stare at him. ‘Oh yes, Madam Fifi is having an affair all right.’ He pauses to look at each of us in turn. I can feel my cheeks burning – so Tom was just playing with me after all. This confirms it. I allow the last little drop of hope, that our moment of intimacy was something more, to trickle away. ‘… But it’s not with Tom.’
Whaat! My heart feels as though it’s going to burst right out of my chest.
‘But you saw them snogging,’ I gasp, ‘and I saw them with my own eyes, in the corridor. And he phoned her. On a Sunday. Why would he do that?’
‘Who with, then?’ It’s James who asks.
After a furtive look around the café, Eddie whispers, ‘Only …’ His eyes dart from side to side. ‘… The Heff.’
‘Walter?’ James and I say together in disbelief. There’s a stunned silence. I can’t believe it.
‘Hush now, we don’t want all and sundry to know … at this stage,’ Eddie sniggers, with an evil glint in his eye.
‘So that’s how she wangled the job here then,’ I say, mulling it all over.
‘Of course. Oh, and that’s not all. We’re talking the Audi, the stratospheric salary. I mean, I know she’s a retail consultant, but come on,’ Eddie sniffs, before pulling a haughty face. ‘Anyway, she’s working me like some Vaudeville circus act and coming and going as she pleases, and wearing that slutty perfume and flinging her fur coat around and practically running her phone sex line out of her office,’ Eddie continues, counting out the misdemeanours on his hand as he reels them off one by one. ‘Yes, she’s so smug she’s practically licking her own arse.’ He crosses his arms with indignation. I stifle a snigger and James shakes his head at Eddie. ‘Oh, and not forgetting the pied-à-terre secret mews house in London.’ Eddie’s eyes dart around the café. ‘They spend practically every weekend there, you know,’ he mouths, with a look of disgust on his face.
‘Really,’ I snort.
‘You know, I even overheard Walter lying to Camille, telling her he was attending the team-building event just so he could stay at the house last weekend.’
My brain instantly goes into overdrive. So Tom must be in on the secret then. I wonder whether Walter knows about her and Tom – maybe it’s a love triangle. My head is spinning. And, come to think of it, I wonder if Walter knows about her trying it on with James as well.
‘How do you know she isn’t sleeping with Tom too?’ I ask, trying not to sound too bothered about it. Eddie flashes me another look.
‘Well, she may well be … but if she is, then Walter won’t be happy. No, he likes his affairs to be exclusive,’ Eddie says, nonchalantly, before inspecting his nails.
‘Maybe we should tell him,’ I offer, eager for the pair of them to get their comeuppance.
‘Tell Camille, more like. She’s the one with the money, after all. Serve the old bastard right for shafting me into a life of slavery,’ Eddie snorts.
James shakes his head.
‘No, we need to come up with something more concrete. We don’t even know for sure she’s sleeping with them both,’ James says, distractedly. His forehead creases as he tries to formulate a plan.
‘Leave it to me,’ Eddie says, leaning back and spreading his arms along the back of the train seat like some Mafia mogul planning a hit. ‘Madam deserves everything she gets. You know, she told me to go and find a job in Poundland if I didn’t like it, when I dared to voice an opinion about my disgusting workload the other day. No, by the time I’ve finished with her she’ll be spending the next ten years to her retirement date examining her own backside and wondering where her career went. I’d love to see her face when I tell her to go and get a job in Poundland.’
I laugh out loud, imagining Maxine stacking the shelves and scaring the customers away.
‘Whaat?’ Eddie says, trying to look all innocent.
‘You are so outrageous,’ I say.
‘Weell … she must be pushing fifty-odd at least,’ he snorts. James and I laugh as Eddie frivolously adds at least fifteen years on to her.
‘But what are you going to do?’ I ask, desperate to know what Eddie has in mind.
‘I’m not sure yet, but I’ll think of something. I’ve already been fantasising over a few options during the darker moments of the last few weeks, and now I know that I’ll be shoving her comeuppance down her throat for all three of us … well, it’ll be all the sweeter.’
‘Just be careful,’ I reply, getting up to give Eddie a hug, and James shakes his hand.
‘Oh I will. And believe me, the pleasure is going to be all mine,’ he says slowly, winking at us both.
28
Sam glances over in my direction and, catching my eye, we share a knowing look. The hen party has only been going for an hour or so and already I just want it to be over. Tina hasn’t stopped telling us how much Ciaran loves her and how he’s proved it by spending so much money on the wedding and how romantic it’s going to be blah-blah-blah. And she must have already reminded us, a trillion times at least, that she’s getting married on Valentine’s Day. It’s not even ten o’clock. This is going to be a long day. I just hope she doesn’t ask if I’ve found a date yet, which I haven’t, of course, so I’m trying not to think about it.
We’re all in the chill-out room and Tina is sitting on a big taupe-coloured leather beanbag in the middle, surrounded by the girls from Lingerie. Lauren is here, Tina’s carbon-copy-looking friend Karen, and a couple of girls from the hairdresser’s next door are milling around the heaving buffet table looking uncomfortable and muttering about why they’ve been invited.
‘So, Georgie, tell us all