A big black cloud loomed, interrupting our moment.
‘Oh no,’ I said, as I felt a drop of rain land on my nose. It seemed to have come from nowhere. Just a minute ago we had been enjoying the sun on our fur.
‘We might have to make a run for it,’ Snowball shouted, as rain started to patter all around us; neither of us liked getting wet. As Snowball bounded off I followed her, not thinking about where she was going. After a bit of a run we came across a building and hurried inside. There was straw on the floor; it was a bit scratchy, but at least we were dry.
‘Thank goodness, Alfie,’ Snowball said. ‘It’s a proper rain shower out there.’
‘But what is this place?’ I asked.
‘Some kind of barn.’
‘Oink.’ We both looked up to see a group of fat, pink pigs moving towards us. They shuffled and snorted and didn’t look very friendly. Five of them descended, all pink skin and rounded bellies. Although they didn’t move quickly, as they banded together I could see we were in trouble.
‘Oh dear,’ I said, as Snowball and I backed away, until we were huddled in the corner of the barn.
‘Pigs seem very mean,’ Snowball said, not reassuringly at all. ‘I’ve never been this close to any but I’ve heard all sorts about them. Apparently they eat anything and everything.’
‘Which could include us …’ We were literally backed into a corner. They were coming closer, heads shaking a little, feet stomping beneath their immense weight. They looked at us with hungry eyes. Snowball cowered behind me. We were going to be pigswill at this rate. I had to get us out of this mess. After all, I was the tom here. I took some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down even though the animals were almost upon us.
‘OK, they aren’t as big as cows. How about we run through their legs?’ I suggested. Although I was terrified, I couldn’t see another way out.
‘We could try, but look at those feet, the weight they carry. I wouldn’t want to get trampled under them.’ Snowball shivered. We were both cold and scared. This romantic day wasn’t turning out quite how I had expected.
‘I know,’ I said, ‘but look, we have no option – they look like they want to eat us!’ I tried to be the man of the relationship – the pigs were only inches away from us. I had to act, so I sort of pushed Snowball a bit and then darted between the legs of the nearest pig, looking behind to check she was following.‘Come on, Snowy, it’ll be fine,’ I encouraged, as one of the pigs gave an angry snort.
Snowball didn’t hang around; she ran for it and joined me. The pigs looked a bit confused but luckily their bulk slowed them down as they tried to come after us. We were far quicker and after a couple more pig-dodges we emerged triumphant, relieved, and thankful to be safe. The rain had eased off and was now more of a drizzle.
‘Shall we risk going back home in this?’ I asked.
‘Best do, I don’t fancy my chances with those pigs.’
‘You’ve been so calm around the farm animals so far,’ I pointed out. Snowball looked even more terrified than I felt.
‘I know, but pigs … As I said, I don’t have much experience of them, but I’ve heard things.’ Her eyes shone with fear.
‘They did look as if they’d be happy to eat us both.’ I looked around so we could start our journey home and my heart sank yet again.‘Snowball?’
‘Yes, Alfie?’ She was trying to clean some straw from her fur.
‘Which way is home?’ I asked. She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. I stared glumly back at her. I had no idea where we were.
‘Oh no, we were in such a rush to get out of the rain, I didn’t even notice which direction we were going,’ she cried.
Could this day get any worse? I looked around again but all I could see were fields. Fields in all directions – and they all looked the same. We were well and truly lost.
As we discussed what to do next, I led us to a nearby hedge so at least we could shelter from the rain while we argued.
‘I think we just head off and hope for the best,’ I said.
‘Great, Alfie, you always have a smart plan and now you’re saying that we just head off with no idea where we’re going,’ Snowball snapped. I knew she was cross but I felt that was unfair. It wasn’t just my fault we were lost after all. I was nestling further into the hedge when something – or rather someone – stopped me, and I found myself nose to nose with a rather large, shabby tabby.
‘Hiss,’ he said.
‘Hello.’ I kept it friendly. He was much bigger than me after all. That said, I liked to pride myself on staying trim and taking care of my appearance, and the same certainly couldn’t be said for this cat.
‘Who are you?’ he asked.
‘I’m Alfie and this is Snowball. We’re on holiday with our families.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, cats don’t go on holiday.’ He grimaced, showing quite sharp teeth, and for a moment I wasn’t sure if he was going to attack. I tried to keep calm, my ears moving sideways with nerves and my tail swaying. I wasn’t an aggressive cat but I did have my girlfriend to protect.
‘I know it’s quite strange, but honestly we are,’ Snowball replied, stepping forwards. The tabby took one look at her blue eyes and white fur and immediately preened himself, sitting up straighter and waving his tail in a friendly gesture. A bit too friendly, if you ask me.
‘How are you doing?’ he asked, grinning. ‘Let me introduce myself. I’m Roddy and I’m a local resident. I’m sorry if you think me rude but, well, I’m not used to visiting cats.’ He blinked at Snowball, which is our equivalent of blowing kisses. Just who did this Roddy think he was?
‘We live in London,’ I replied haughtily. Anyone who thinks that cats don’t flirt should have seen him as he stretched out his paws and wrapped his tail neatly round his body. I decided he was too big and scruffy to be considered good-looking, which was a relief. I, with my blue-grey fur and svelte figure, was often complimented on my handsomeness. In any case, I was pretty secure in my looks and I knew Snowball was loyal, so I tried to relax a bit.
‘London, you say? Well I don’t know anything about that.’ He was looking directly at Snowball.
‘The thing is,’ Snowball said, a little bit too flirtatiously, ‘we’re a little lost. We tried to shelter from the rain and ended up trapped in a barn with some rather unfriendly pigs and now we don’t know how to get back to the holiday house.’ She tilted her head, and I saw that already Roddy was smitten.
‘Where are you staying?’ he asked, puffing his chest out. ‘I’m a bit of an expert on these parts.’
‘A big house,’ I replied, not exactly enjoying this exchange, though I acknowledged he was probably our best hope.
‘That narrows it down,’ he said sarcastically.
‘Well Roddy,’ purred Snowball, stretching out her paws, ‘it’s near the farm, we have hens on the edge of the garden and there’s a field of cows directly in front of us.’
‘Ah, I know where you mean. Right, city cats, follow me and I’ll have you home in no time.’
Despite us getting a bit wet and being a little bit stressed from our adventure, Roddy got us home safely, and although I was still a bit annoyed at his flirting with my girlfriend, I thanked him graciously. I was relieved. As we left him at the door, he was still marvelling at how odd it was for cats to go on holiday.
The fire wasn’t lit as the house was empty, but it was warm as we lay down in front of it to dry off. I decided