He’d known then that one day he’d have it all. A home. A gorgeous wife he loved. And children laughing and playing to chase away the lonely memories of his own childhood. To give him the family he’d craved, yet had been denied for the most part.
But their wait had stretched from three years into four without Leila and him having a real home. Without Leila being part of his life for one entire year.
No more! They’d both waited too long to see their dreams realized.
He slipped the memory card in Leila’s new device and tested it.
“I’ve taken the liberty to add a few pertinent applications but you’ll have to personalize it yourself,” he said, and handed her the mobile.
Her fingers brushed his and she jolted, an external reaction to the same bolt of desire that had shot through him earlier, that still simmered deep inside him.
“It looks complicated,” she said. “You’ll have to show me how to use it.”
“We have time to do that later.”
Once he’d doused his need to be with her. Once he’d wrestled his control back in place and he could simply enjoy this reunion with her.
He crossed to the tray that had been delivered to their suite and poured an iced coffee laced with cachaça. “Would you like a drink?”
“Water with a twist of lime,” she said. “I had orange juice at the airport.”
He grimaced at the near apology in that confession. She rarely drank anything other than enhanced water which added zero calories. He could count on one hand the times he’d seen her eat a full meal and he’d certainly never seen her binge on anything.
But then he was careful too, moderate. He didn’t wish to follow in his own father’s alcoholic footsteps.
He turned to offer her the drink and just caught sight of her rushing into the master bedroom. The closing of the en suite bathroom door echoed softly in the suite.
Not so for the sound of her becoming violently ill. If it were anyone else, he’d pass it off as a malady.
But Leila’s troubled past gave him pause.
The unsettling possibility she’d suffered a relapse plagued him as he carried his garment bag and suitcase into the bedroom.
An economy of quick strides carried him into the facility moments after the toilet flushed. She was at the sink rinsing out her mouth, her face paler than before.
“Leila, what’s wrong?” he asked.
She shook her head, her eyes bleak. “I’ve been ill. Some stomach virus that refuses to leave.”
“Have you seen a doctor for this?”
“Yes, one who was on staff at the shoot gave me an antibiotic, but he did warn me that if this were a viral infection it would do no good,” she said. “I’ll be fine.”
He gave her a more critical look, wanting to believe her. Yet they’d been apart too much this year, and she’d clearly lost weight.
And though he didn’t want to admit it, there was a nervousness about her that hadn’t been there before. A withdrawal, almost as if she were hiding something from him.
“Have you tried to lose weight quickly?”
Leila swung around to face Rafael. “No! I’m not a victim of bulimia or anorexia anymore. I simply have a stomach bug. But if you think I’m lying, Rafael, you are more than welcome to ask my agent or my doctor about my health!”
Inferno! He had not expected her to react with such anger, but then he supposed he deserved it for doubting her.
“Forgive me for insinuating you had suffered a relapse,” he said, reaching for her, but she turned from him and left the bathroom. Left him standing there feeling like a fool for thinking the worst of her. “I worry, Leila.”
She stopped short, shoulders slumping. “I know you do.” She brushed a hand through her hair in a show of impatience. “I worry about you as well, but this year—”
Her hand fluttered in the air, and he reached out and snagged it this time. Pulled her close to his heart where she belonged and was glad she didn’t resist.
“Things will change now,” he said, and gained a shaky nod from her in answer.
This past year had been difficult. Their brief weekend in Aruba sandwiched between her last shoot and his trip to L.A. to consult on the film. This time when they had parted, he’d resented her career more than ever, for it had pulled her from him. Her stellar status had taken precedence over their marriage. Over their plans to start a family.
He’d come close to demanding she take a hiatus from her work. That she embrace her role as his wife again with the same passion as she did her career.
But just realizing that was exactly how his tyrannical father would have acted stopped him.
His marriage to Leila was secure. She loved him and he loved her. They’d just let the outside world infringe too much on their dream.
No more.
Soon he’d plant his seed in her. They’d have their marriage back on track. They’d have a child born of love.
“Dare I ask what brought on your arrogant smile,” she said.
His gaze made a slow glide over her face, her breasts, her hips, before returning to her expressive eyes. “I was thinking of how beautiful you’d look pregnant.”
Chapter Two
THE thought of being with child pelted Leila like a cold icy rain. She couldn’t go through that again, shouldn’t attempt it blithely.
Yet like Rafael she longed for a child. A baby to love, to cradle to her bosom. Her and Rafael’s child, born of love.
But she’d tried and failed.
Last year Leila had discovered she had been pregnant. But in September, when she had been just twelve weeks along, nature had taken a horribly wrong turn.
Leila had lost her baby. She’d lost a lot of blood. Lost weight. Lost heart over the tragedy.
Her mind ached from the doctor’s warning following her miscarriage. Though she was well now, there would always be that chance that due to her anorexia, and the damage it may have wreaked on her body, she could fail to carry a child to term again.
The very last thing Leila wanted was to go through the pain of losing a baby again. She was afraid to try and fail, even though she still wanted to give Rafael the family he craved. Her own arms and heart ached to hold the child she’d lost. Rafael’s baby.
But despite her deep yearning for a family, her fear of suffering another miscarriage had grown into paralyzing terror. More so her fear had been given strength when a fellow model, who’d also struggled with anorexia early in her career, had died in childbirth. A woman Leila had admired.
Yet as her friend’s body had changed during her pregnancy, the young woman had relapsed into her old destructive habits. Leila had watched as her friend had struggled to regain control of her anorexia, but in the end the disease won, taking her friend’s and the baby’s lives.
That’s when Leila’s nightmares had really begun. Now, she wasn’t able to think beyond the tragedy her friend had suffered. She had lost confidence that she’d be stronger than the disease.
Her inner turmoil turned into a living breathing hell, for though she still longed to have Rafael’s child grow inside her, she couldn’t – wouldn’t – commit to having a child only to lose it. She suffered this devastation already and it had changed her. But how would Rafael, who wanted a family so desperately, bear it?
Guilt over keeping her terror and her past pregnancy from Rafael roiled in her until her fear became a dragon she didn’t know how to slay.
How would he react when he learned she’d kept so much from him?
Not