Sex & Intimacy 101. K. A. Bareki

why companies are fighting in the market to produce better looking and functioning products. Look at yourself? Are you attractive to your spouse? Already some of you readers are getting Ideas. Perhaps you think we are going to talk about the need for you to have big breasts, big dicks and wide hips. Well, that might make a good product but I am not trying to give God correctional lessons on how He could have made you. You see, how your lover is shaped is your choice and hers. Nobody ever decided to be tall or short, but we do decide whether to date a tall or short person. I don’t think I want to address things, which you can do nothing about such as looking as ugly as a frog. But there are things that I will be glad to mention. One of them is weight. Many of us were able to lift their brides on that blessed wedding day, but today, it has to be a testimony that you can lift your own wife. Over the years, she had kids, moved from honey to mommy and is now heavier than two bags of cement put together. Women, if you think the vows your husband made bars him from being attracted to women who are half your size you are damn wrong, and it’s a good thing this book is not going to spare your feelings. When you are extremely fat, chances are you will be unattractive. Yes, African men, love fat women but not when that fatness makes it difficult to have sexual fun.

      A man will prefer a woman whose body size can accommodate various sexual movements. Besides, fat people suffer breathing difficulties and tiredness. Just how are such things sexy? Woman, do something about your weight, or else most sex positions are just not going to work for him because of your shape. You can do better than saying ‘‘God made me that way.’’ But you should know that your man is not going to pressurize you . He will say you are fine the way you are but half the time such confessions are lies coming through his teeth. Ain’t no man, that get’s permanently happy with elephant sizes and that’s a fact. Especially if he didn’t marry you when you were that size. You will not always be petite into your old age, but you can agree with me that certain kilos you gained over the years are not to be condoned and unless you are willing to tempt your man into considering plan B, which we all know is a ‘‘small house’’... Fat can fur up the arteries, reducing blood flow to the clitoris and lessening sensitivity. Fat women most likely feel unattractive and will rush to hide between the sheets to dodge standing positions under bright light.

      And for men, who care about the product, don’t forget that the duty to stay attractive is not for women only. Many of us men eat the way we want and we develop chubby bodies with pot belies almost covering our genitals. This type of thing affects our women but they don’t want to wound our egos. Worst of all, men love to be on top of women during sex. Which woman enjoys a weight of 120-140 kgs on top of her belly for at least one-hour everyday? You are simply heavy and by the way being that fat also shortens the penis. Ask any frank woman what she likes and she is not going to tell you she’s happy with a pot belly on her man. Start exercising like me and lose weight. I had to lose 25 kgs of weight early in the year 2015.We have to wonder why God made Adam with a good body which probably had a six-pac. He must have found it necessary for the woman. Your woman longs for that Adamic architecture, and even if you are not able to look like Jean-Claude Van Damme in blood sport, at least have a considerable chest for her to rest on. Women like that. Growing some lawn on it would be an added advantage to some. Which lady doesn’t like strong arms, abs, strong legs, lutes, and chest? Even Christian women like that. Just avoid the love-me-as-I-am syndrome. You are not to be like that, you have just allowed yourself to wear a fat body suit over the years. Nobody was born having weight that rivals a rhino. Exercising is like archaeology, it will dig out the real you from that bolt of fat and you will be glad to see how creative God has been about your body. Unveil that masterpiece.

      Flexibility, and strength is another thing under product. The less you exercise the less active you can be in bed because sex is just gymnastics coiled around the idea of making love. Of course there is intimacy in sex, otherwise it would not be sex but consensual rape, but there is also physic. It’s a mind, body and soul thing. I used to be so fat that just going up a bridge in the city was like a sports challenge to me. I remember breathing heavily like a dying horse one day as I got up that bridge. Not only was I fat, my stamina was no better than the strength of a rat. You could almost tell my sex life by the way I got tired over nothing. One day I grew sick and tired of my fat body. I grew sick and tired of being sick and tired... and joined the group that routinely takes walks around the city every evening. I have met men who were so fat in workplaces and fumed every time the elevator in their offices broke down. They enjoyed sedentary lifestyles and yet expected sex from their wives despite their pumpkin bodies. That on its own is sin against marriage.

      Women settle for teddy bears because they are good at earning pay and supporting the family. But if they could, they would opt for a strong guy with a well-built body and an ability to care for them. The thing is that guys at the gym who are obsessed with keeping a sexy body are often womanizers. This makes our women settle for teddy bears without necessarily being satisfied. Men, wake up and smell the coffee, your women are greatly tempted to get some muscular, strong pounding but they are held by their Christian faith, tradition, tight security and above all, the love they have for their chubby men. This is simply loyalty at its best. There is no greater loyalty I know, than when a woman sticks to her deliberately shapeless man despite temptations to look outside the matrimonial window.

      The other day I went into a bookstore, here was this beautiful woman starring at a picture of a man with a proper male shape. He looked well built. I am brave you know. So I went to the woman and asked her ‘‘do you like what you see?’’ I didn’t even know her, am that social. I can speak to total strangers with ease. Then I further asked if she would love her man to look like that man and the answer was ‘‘yes’’. She told me that a man with a proper body is an added advantage. That very evening, as I was watching the Steve Harvey show, there was this girl on the show who had been looking for a boyfriend in the gym. She says she just loves good bodies but men with well-toned bodies normally play her and aren’t willing to do some serious family thing. Men I hope you are listening. Do your thing, hit the gym. In Christendom, we have this problem, wherein young men hurry to look as old as the pastor. They strictly wear formal clothes. No wonder other young people resent Christianity. This book seeks to save young people from being old too soon. Dress like a youth. What is a young person like you doing wearing grey jackets and brown ties? Where is that t-shirt that makes young ladies wish you were theirs? Please get it. It’s your time to shine and be handsome and noticed. Girls, don’t throw that makeup in exchange for a King James Bible coz you need both. You are soon to be a bride, and the bible says when God spoke to Jeremiah, He rhetorically asked, ‘‘does a maiden forget her jewellery, a bride her wedding ornaments? Yet my people have forgotten me.’’ (Jeremiah 2:32). ‘‘Does a maiden forget her wedding ornaments?’’ So why have you forgotten to look like a million bucks sister? Where are your ornaments darling?

      Talk about flexibility. It’s not going to come by prayer. Do some squads and a bit of belly exercises. Do some cardio exercises, at least 30 minutes a day. Sex is sometimes about sweating and that’s why lazy Sam can hardly do one good round. Research has proven that people who exercise enjoy sex a lot better than those who don’t and are more sexually aroused. Why? They have better blood-flow. Remember that men need blood-flow to have an erect penis, and women too need blood flow to the clitoris to experience increased sensitivity.

      At least start jogging around the neighborhood every now and then. I have got another book coming soon, known as nutrition 101(maybe it will be out by the time you get a hold of sex and intimacy 101), it will guide you on exercises and dieting. But for now, jog...But still under product appeal, I think for you to sex well you have to eat well. But that’s for later...we will talk...neh.

      For now let’s talk hygiene. Just how do you passionately kiss a man whose breath smells like unkept buttocks or a dead rat? How do you have proper sex when his armpits smell enough to rival a skunk? What about giving a blow-job to someone who has water phobia enough to rival that of the late Steve Jobs?When it comes to sex, men get angry and egocentric and sometimes this makes it hard for ladies to be honest about what they just love to hate when it comes to dirty bodies. And prostitutes will stand whatever comes coz they are charging