Now she was lying beneath him, on her back. He needed to know what was going on in her head. Did she feel the same way, or was he deluding himself? Maybe it would be easier not to know. But in the end he opened his eyes and looked at her. She was smiling. Inviting. And in her eyes he could see passion. Need. Love. Everything he’d always wanted.
He kissed her again, murmured against her skin. ‘Saskia. You’re so beautiful.’ The most beautiful woman in the world.
And, since this was a dream, he could tell her he loved—
No. This wasn’t a dream. She was really there, in bed with him. Kissing him back, tilting her hips under his, her body inviting him to remove the rest of her pyjamas and sink into the ultimate closeness.
This was such a stupid idea. Once they had sex, it would be over between them. For good.
But he’d had thirteen years of waiting. He just couldn’t wait for her any more. He needed her. Right now. Slowly, he splayed one hand against her midriff. She shivered, so he let his fingers drift under the waistband of her pyjama bottoms. Peeled them off. Rocked back on his haunches and looked at her.
He sucked in a breath. She was beautiful. More beautiful than he’d dreamed even. And his hands were actually shaking as he stroked her inner thighs. He wanted to touch her, taste her. Lose himself inside her.
But he had to be sure. He wasn’t going to force her into anything. ‘Saskia. We can stop now, if you want to,’ he told her softly.
‘No, we damned well can’t.’ Her hands were shaking as she removed his pyjama bottoms, stroked his buttocks, and her voice was husky with need. ‘Touch me, Toby. Love me.’ She offered her mouth to him.
There was something in her expression he couldn’t read—was she crying? Or was it just that she needed him as much as he needed her, felt that same desperate craving that only one special person could satisfy? He bent his head to kiss her mouth, then slowly moved downwards. He took his time, rubbing his face against the softness of her skin, flicking his tongue around her nipples until she gasped and plunged her fingers back into his hair, pulling him closer.
Closer. He slid one hand between her legs and cupped her. Oh, God, he’d wanted this for so long. The heat, the soft silkiness. All he had to do was move. Nudge his thigh between hers. Let those long, long legs wrap around his waist and pull them both into paradise.
‘Oh, Saskia,’ he breathed, slipping one finger inside her. She was warm and wet and so very ready for him.
‘Yes. Yes, Toby, yes,’ she moaned, arching up against him.
He’d just shifted between her thighs, ready to enter her, when he heard a loud bang.
Half a second later, he realised what the sound was. The bedroom door slamming against the wall. Billy. Instantly, Toby dragged the covers over himself and Saskia.
‘Uncle Toby, is it time to get up?’ Billy asked chirpily.
‘Uh, nearly.’ He could barely string the words together, shocked by how close they’d been to getting caught.
‘What are you doing?’ Billy asked.
Uh-oh. This was definitely a question he didn’t want to answer. ‘Tickling each other.’ Please, please, let the little boy accept that. He definitely didn’t want to do a birds-and-bees explanation. Not now. ‘Can you be a really big boy and go and get dressed?’
‘OK,’ Billy agreed happily, and left the room.
Toby flopped back against his pillow and looked at Saskia. ‘Um. So this is what it feels like to be a parent.’
‘It probably—’
‘Shh.’ He put one finger over her lips. ‘We’ll discuss it later.’ Unable to resist, he rubbed his thumb over her lower lip. His vision almost blurred with desire. Hell, so near and yet… ‘Later,’ he croaked. If he stayed next to her for one second longer, he’d forget where he was and continue exactly where they’d left off.
Sometimes life was a bitch.
And sometimes it promised to fulfil all his dreams. He’d waited so long. What difference would a few more hours make? He leaned over to kiss her lightly. ‘Later,’ he said softly, pulled his pyjama bottoms on again and went to check on what Billy was doing.
TWO choices. Saskia had two choices. One: she could get up and pretend this had never happened. Two: she could stay exactly where she was and wait for Toby to come back. Finish what they’d started.
Whichever way she jumped, it was going to be a problem.
If she got up, checked how Helena was and was showered and dressed before Toby came back, she’d spend the whole day on a slow burn. Aroused. Wanting. Wanting Toby, to be exact. The way he’d touched her had felt so good, so right. One finger hadn’t been enough. She needed to feel him inside her. Needed him to take her right to the edge.
But if she stayed put…what then? Billy had broken the spell. Toby was out of the room, had had time to think about what they’d been doing. Time to realise it was all a huge mistake, just a physical reaction to a member of the opposite sex being nearly naked, in close proximity, when he’d woken from a deep sleep. Hadn’t he said last night that he could go to bed with her without having sex with her? Hell. She couldn’t face rejection. Or, if he didn’t reject her, maybe he’d expect their relationship to change after they’d made love, and she couldn’t handle that right now.
With shocking clarity, she realised that it would be making love. Not just having sex. With Toby, deeper feelings would be involved. And then, when it all went wrong, the mess would be spectacular. Hell. She didn’t want to lose her best friend.
Slow burn it would be, then. She swiftly got out of bed and checked on the sleeping baby. Helena’s breathing was regular and not too fast, and her temperature was normal again. Good. So it had just been a virus last night.
Saskia’s own temperature felt very far from normal so she made her shower tepid. Turned the water to cold, even. But it couldn’t quite take away the warmth of Toby’s touch. The way his hands had felt on her breasts, the way his fingers had teased her nipples. The way his mouth had felt on her body.
‘Stop it,’ she told herself through clenched teeth. ‘You’re not going to complicate things with sex and mess up the best friendship you’ve ever had. Got it?’
When Toby returned to the bedroom and found Saskia halfway through getting dressed, his expression was un-readable. And Saskia didn’t dare ask him what he was thinking. Right at that moment, she wasn’t sure she could handle knowing. Deliberately not looking at him and focusing instead on putting her clothes on, she said brightly, ‘Helena’s temperature is normal this morning.’
‘Mmm-hmm.’
‘I, um, wondered if one of us should, um, stay with her today. Just in case.’
‘It’s easier for me to get cover at short notice. I’ll call in.’
‘Thanks. I’ll, um…’ Hell. She was never hesitant. Never. But it was hard to talk sensibly when your brain felt as if it had been turned to mush and your mouth definitely wasn’t working in synch with your thoughts.
How easy it would be to leap on him. Push him back to the bed. Strip off his pyjama bottoms and…
No. It wasn’t fair to Toby. She couldn’t use her best friend to satisfy an urge—even though he’d been the one who’d started it. The relationship would go wrong and she’d lose him. In a few months’ time, she’d need all the friends she could get. When she had to leave the job that was