‘Yes, thank you. Please don’t let us keep you back,’ Ellen said quickly. She wanted time to recover after seeing him. Time to transform herself back into the cool, calm and collected woman she wanted to be. At the very least, she still had her pride.
‘Come in for a cup of tea before you go back to the gatehouse,’ Maggie said, with a frown at Ellen.
Sean sniffed the air and grinned. ‘Is that scones I can smell? In that case, I’ll be back as soon as I’ve finished the last pile of logs. It shouldn’t take me long.’
As the door closed behind him, Maggie ushered Ellen into the kitchen and the well-worn chair in front of the stove. Sean had guessed correctly and there was a tray of scones cooling on the rack on the kitchen table. The large farmhouse kitchen with the solid-fuel range was the same one that had always been there. The scrubbed pine table was the same one Ellen had sat at to have her meals during the long summer holidays. The over-stuffed sofa that she had bounced on as a child was there too, though showing signs of age, and this woman was the same one who had bandaged her knees and wiped away her tears whenever she had hurt herself. If only what had happened to her this time could be so easily sorted. Ellen felt the never-far-away tears prick behind her lids. Being here, in this house, with the only woman, apart from Sean’s mother, who had ever shown her real affection was almost too much.
Ellen took a deep breath, suddenly thankful that Sean was just outside. Otherwise she had no doubt that in her tired and overwrought condition she would have given in and told her grandmother everything.
‘So remind me, Ellen,’ her grandmother was saying as she poured a cup of strong tea for her granddaughter, ‘where is your mother now?’
Ellen wrapped icy hands around her mug. ‘In the US. Lecturing. Before that she was in Australia for four months. I’m not sure when she’ll be back. You know how she is.’
Maggie tutted disapprovingly. ‘Leaving you on your own for Christmas! Again. I wish you had come to me. Maybe you wouldn’t have got sick. You young women just don’t look after yourselves properly.’
Nothing would have stopped her getting sick. It hadn’t been that kind of illness.
‘I didn’t mind,’ Ellen protested. ‘I was working over Christmas. It’s kind of wonderful being around to deliver babies at that time.’
It had been wonderful. There was something extra-special and magical about Christmas babies. Everyone looked forward to the first baby to be born on Christmas Day. Ellen smiled. Four babies had made their entrance on her shift. Four perfect babies, four delighted sets of parents. A stab of pain lanced through her. Last Christmas she had been sure that babies were part of her future. And then two short weeks ago that dream had come crashing down. When the consultant had given her the diagnosis, he’d told her that there was a serious risk should she fall pregnant.
‘I have to tell you, Ellen, that a pregnancy could kill you,’ he’d warned. ‘The extra demands on your heart and circulatory system will make the condition much worse. I have to recommend that you think about being sterilised. The Pill is contraindicated in women with your condition, so it’s the only sure way of preventing a pregnancy.’
The words on top of her diagnosis had crushed her. All her life she’d longed for a family. A real family where there was love and approval and laughter. Could she bear to work as a midwife again, knowing that she would never hold her own baby in her arms? She didn’t know. All she could think of at the moment was the need to be with her grandmother. Like a wounded animal, she’d come looking to find shelter and comfort while she found a way to deal with the terror that filled her life.
Ellen forced herself back to the present. ‘Mum will never change, Gran. We both know that.’
‘Aye, but I can’t help hoping that one day she’ll realise what a wonderful daughter she has in you and how much she’s missing out on.’ Maggie sighed and touched Ellen on the shoulder. ‘Maybe I’m hoping for a miracle.’
Ellen took Maggie’s hand and squeezed it. ‘It’s okay, Gran. I accepted Mum’s career would always come first a long time ago. But she’s still my mother and I love her, whatever her faults. And anyway, I’ve got you. You’ve always been around for me.’
The two women shared a smile.
Ellen changed the subject. ‘But tell me about you. How’s the hip?’ Her grandmother’s joints had been giving her trouble, but so far she had refused point blank to go to the doctor. She had told Ellen that a few aches and pains were only to be expected, given her age.
Maggie dismissed her question with a shake of her head. ‘With Sean here to do the heavy stuff, I manage fine.’
Ellen suppressed a smile. Good old Gran. Never one to complain. Being with her was exactly what she needed right now.
‘When did he come back? Why didn’t you tell me he was here? All you said was that he was renovating his family home. You might have told me he was living in the gatehouse, and planning to stay.’
Maggie buttered a scone and placed it in front of Ellen. ‘And if I’d told you, would you have come?’
The soft words stopped Ellen in mid-bite.
‘What do you mean?’ Ellen concentrated on her tea, avoiding her grandmother’s searching look.
‘Because over the last eight years, if I mentioned Sean was here on holiday, you’d suddenly change your mind about coming to stay. You may have thought you were subtle about it but, well, you weren’t. I know how you felt about him when you were younger, Ellen. You were never very good at hiding your feelings. At least not from me.’
Ellen’s cheeks were burning. Had her feelings really been so obvious?
‘I did have a crush on him but that was a long time ago,’ Ellen retorted. ‘I’m a different person now and so, I imagine, is he.’
‘Well, that’s a shame. I think you two would make a lovely couple. That man needs someone to settle him down.’
‘He must have a girlfriend, surely?’ Ellen tried to ignore the surge of pleasure she felt at the realisation that Sean wasn’t married.
‘Oh, he’s had women. Plenty of them as far as I can tell. But none that seem to last.’
Gran looked at Ellen, a small smile playing on her lips. ‘And your crush on Sean has nothing to do with the fact you’ve never had a serious relationship?’
‘I’ve never had a serious relationship, Gran, because I’ve not met the right person yet. Besides, my work keeps me busy. I have friends, my hobbies, a whole life that I love …’ She tailed off as it hit her again that she didn’t know for how much longer she would have any of it. Whether Sean was in a relationship or not was immaterial, she wasn’t exactly in the market for a long-term relationship. A lump was forming in her throat and she swallowed hard. ‘So how long has Sean been here?’
‘For someone who’s not very interested, you sure ask a lot of questions!’ Maggie said with a smile of satisfaction. ‘Sean came back a few months ago. Took a post at the Royal Highland in the city. Said he wants to make his home here so he can be close to his beloved mountains. He’s the doctor with the Mountain Rescue Team, you know.’ Maggie sounded as proud as she would have been had Sean been her grandchild too.
Ellen hadn’t known that Sean was working here. Although she had thought about Sean a lot since that summer eight years ago when he had kissed her, she’d never expected to see him again. In fact, as her Gran had guessed, she’d done her best to avoid him. It all seemed so silly now.
Just then the door opened with a gust of wind and Sean strode in to the kitchen. He indicated to Maggie to stay sitting and walked over to the range and helped himself to a cup of tea before grabbing a scone from the table and wolfing it down in two bites. He was clearly at home