Shane tugged his wife closer. “I could try. Couldn’t do much worse than Josh.”
“Very funny,” Josh said, yet his expression didn’t register amusement. He seemed distracted by something and Taylor wondered what. Was he afraid to fly again? She sure would be.
Shane punched his shoulder. “Come on. Lighten up. Since when did you take yourself so seriously?”
Josh stared at his legs and Shane looked as though he’d been stabbed in the gut. He shuffled his feet and then continued. “That Cessna dealer called last night. Said your new plane will be ready soon.”
Taylor studied Josh’s reaction, but she couldn’t be sure how he felt about the news, and he didn’t comment.
Jenny tugged at Shane’s arm. “We’re going to be late for my appointment if we don’t get going.” She bussed Josh’s cheek again and stepped back, taking Shane’s hand. She hesitated at the foot of the bed, and Taylor met her questioning look. In that brief instant she thought she saw a challenge in Jenny’s eyes that seemed to be saying, Will you be there for him when he needs you most? How much do you really care?
“See you later,” Jenny said, talking to Josh, but still sizing up Taylor.
Taylor picked up Josh’s chart and pretended not to notice.
Though later that night, on the slow walk home, she asked herself the imagined question, How much did she really care?
Just before leaving the hospital she’d told Max she would move out to the ranch—temporarily, of course—and he’d seemed glad. Too much time alone at her apartment had left her indulging her grief far more than she thought she would at the ranch, surrounded by others.
With a heavy heart, she entered her building and trudged up the stairs, knowing there was something else on her mind.
It was time to begin reading her mother’s journals.
Today was my first day back to work since Taylor was born and what a day of emotion it was! Dropping my precious little toddler off at the sitter’s was like ripping my heart from my chest. Those sad blue eyes when I said goodbye filled me with such guilt. I was tempted to scoop her up in my arms and take her home with me, but I didn’t, which made me feel so very selfish.
Why can’t I be like other women who are happy being full-time moms? I love my time with Taylor, but I missed nursing and the company of adults who talked in complete sentences.
When I got to the hospital everyone seemed pleased to see me. There was even a “Welcome Back” banner hanging in the nurses’ lounge. I called the sitter twice to be certain Taylor was doing well and was grateful to hear she was making new friends and adjusting quickly.
I was a little worried about getting back into the routine at the hospital, but it was as though I had never left. Max was busier than I ever remembered him. Students rushed after him from one postop patient to the next, hanging on his every word. It was good to see him again and something of a surprise. When he returned home to Montana the last time, I didn’t expect to see him again. I missed him like crazy, but it was for the best that he left when he did. His three sons are still young, the youngest only a few years older than Taylor. How he manages to live with weekend visits, I’ll never understand. He occasionally talks of the boys with a faraway look of tenderness on his face, but then it always turns sad and he changes the subject.
Poor Max. I can’t imagine days away from my family. Even though today passed quickly—and I must confess I loved being back—ten hours away from Taylor was long enough. And oh, the joy in my heart when she flung her chubby little arms around my neck and said, “Mommy, Mommy!”
John was rather cool with me over dinner and didn’t want to hear about my day. I wish he could understand why I needed to go back. I wish he could trust that I won’t let my other job hurt our little girl. In time I hope he’ll see I made the right decision.
Taylor closed the journal and returned it to the drawer, then brushed the tears from her cheeks. As much as it hurt to know she would never feel her arms around her mother’s neck again, she drew comfort from Mom’s words of love and knew she would treasure every page. Theirs had been a special relationship that would remain in her heart forever.
She closed her eyes and let the exhaustion of the day begin to claim her, making one last mental note. Someday she would have to assure Dad that Mom’s working had never hurt anything.
As she fell asleep, she wondered why he ever thought it would.
Ryder and Shane loaded the last box into the back of Shane’s Explorer, and Taylor squeezed into a space behind Ryder’s seat that had been left for her. Josh had gone home with Max earlier in the afternoon, a fact that had excited him and unnerved Taylor.
The men in the front talked shop and tried to include her from time to time, but Taylor was glad for some time to gather her wits. Now that the move was actually taking place, she had second thoughts. She reminded herself that she would have private quarters, that she would still have other patients at the clinic, that many others would be around. Yet in the end, all her thoughts were on Josh and the many hours they would spend alone. And the same old questions haunted her.
How much did she care?
How much did she dare?
When Taylor entered the side door of the ranch, Savannah and Jenny stopped talking with Hannah, and they all stared at her in a way women look when they’ve been caught gossiping about the person who just walked in. Savannah was the first to step forward, but not before a quick wink at Jenny.
“Here, let me take one of those bags,” she said, lightening Taylor’s load. “Come on, Jen, let’s show her the lucky room.” Savannah started up the back stairs that led from the kitchen and Taylor followed, hearing Jenny right behind her.
“Lucky room?” Taylor asked.
“Did I say that?” Savannah kept moving and didn’t look back. “I meant pretty room. Actually it’s more than a room.” She stopped at the threshold and let Taylor precede her.
Stunned at what she saw, Taylor stopped and took in her new surroundings. An old four-poster bed fit snugly between a pair of cross-paned windows, covered in Priscilla-style curtains. A large archway led to a cozy sitting room, complete with a fireplace. Next to her was a private bath, the aroma of scented soaps and potpourri drawing her into the room. She set her load on the floor and pivoted toward the girls.
“It’s beautiful.” She glanced around, taking in the many antiques and oak-framed watercolors that graced the walls. “I might never want to go home.” She chuckled and looked back to the women, whom she caught smiling at each other before they walked in.
Jenny waddled to a window and gazed out. “Brings back many memories...this room.”
Savannah deposited Taylor’s bag near the closet. “We both stayed in this room when we first visited the ranch. I’m sure you’ll be quite comfortable here.”
Jenny’s gaze turned from the window to Taylor and hung there, in that disconcerting way of hers. “Well, I have to get dinner ready. The men are probably in saying hello to Josh, but they should be up soon with the rest of your things.” She left the room and Savannah moved closer, finally pulling Taylor into a quick embrace.
“Welcome to Joeville, Taylor.” She stepped back and cupped Taylor’s shoulders. “I’m so glad you’re here for Josh. I’m sure he’ll test your patience, but we’re all so grateful you can help.”
She couldn’t promise anything, she wanted to say. Suddenly she felt as though the pressure of making Josh walk fell squarely on her shoulders, that the entire family expected nothing short of his full recovery.
Ryder and Shane burst through the doorway with the rest