She closed her eyes momentarily to stop the sensation.
This was not what she wanted. No. She had set her heart on being a teacher like Miss Price—helping many children, devoting herself to a worthy cause.
She gathered her thoughts and hung her hat on the nearby hook. Next to Conor’s coat. His scent filled her senses—masculine, and hinting of his work with animals, reminiscent of her days helping Miles. She rested her head against the wall and fought for control. This was Conor and Rachael’s home. Her home was a tiny room in the home of Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell. Miss Price had taught her to enjoy the privacy of her own room and to realize the rest of the house belonged to others. It was the way things were for teachers. Virnie knew it well and not only accepted it, she enjoyed it.
So why this sudden, overwhelming reaction to a house she had cleaned and polished, this blur of tears at the bouquet of scents from Conor’s coat—reminding her both of Miles and Conor?
Rachael ran out to gather eggs then returned for the milk pail.
“Pa says I’m the best little milker. I can milk the cow faster than he can. I think it’s ’cause she likes me.”
She was gone again, leaving Virnie struggling with her war of emotions. She touched Conor’s coat, fingering the woolen texture, freeing another waft of scents. Why did he treat Virnie like she couldn’t be counted on? Why did he try and make Rachael so tough? What had happened to his wife?
She jerked her fingers from the fabric and pushed herself from the wall, away from her silly meanderings. It was the weekend and she intended to tackle Rachael’s room today. Tomorrow she would wash clothes.
As soon as Rachael returned and the milk was tended to, Virnie led the way to the bedroom. “Rachael, remember what I say in school? A neat desk is an efficient desk. Same with your bedroom. Keep it clean and you’ll waste far less time looking for things.”
Before they could put anything away, it was necessary to clean out the drawers of the chiffonier. In the bottom one, under a collection of rocks and feathers and other little treasures, Virnie found a picture.
“This must be your mother. You look very much like her.” A beautiful woman with lovely hair.
Rachael grabbed the picture from Virnie’s hands. “Don’t tell Pa I got this. I’m supposed to forget her.”
Virnie struggled to hide her shock. It hurt to forget one’s mother. “Why is that?”
“Because she was weak. She was supposed to help him but Pa says she just lay down and quit living all because she missed the easy life of the city. Pa says we have to work hard to have a home no one can take from us.”
That explained so much. His insistence that Rachael be tough, his neglect of the house—no doubt the poor man had lost his dreams along with his wife. Or did men have dreams?
Rachael put the picture back in the drawer and covered it with an old shirt. “I don’t want to disobey Pa but I want to have a ma, too, even if it’s only her picture.”
“I understand. I won’t tell your pa.”
They worked together sorting out the room, but Virnie’s thoughts tended to stray. She identified with Rachael’s need for a mother. In Virnie’s case, Miss Price had proved an adequate substitute. But a person needed a pa, too. Hers hadn’t wanted her so she’d struggled to forget that need. But in spite of her sincerest attempts, she could not shake the desire for recognition from her father. Somehow, she had to make Rachael realize how fortunate she was to have that even if it carried a requirement to be tough.
“At least you have your pa and you know he cares about you.”
Rachael giggled. “He loves me but says it might make me soft if he tells me. So he saves it for special occasions.”
Virnie couldn’t help wondering what occasions constituted as special enough for the words so she asked.
“Christmas morning, the first thing he says is, ‘I love you, Rae.’ And my birthday.” Rachael giggled again. “He makes up special occasions, too—the first robin of spring, the first snowfall. Stuff like that.”
Virnie’s throat tightened and her teeth felt brittle. Tears threatened. As Miss Price often said, her eyes had a tendency to leak. But thinking of Conor’s tenderness hidden under the cloak of his toughness touched her in secret places that ached for something she didn’t dare identify. It so filled her with longing and wanting that she struggled to contain her emotions. If only she could have the same tenderness extended to her. Her imagination raced out of control. She saw herself standing in the living area she had recently cleaned, a savory meal simmering on the stove as she awaited Conor’s return and a taste of that tenderness.
Chastising herself for her inability to rein in her thoughts, she grabbed an armload of dirty clothes off the bed. “Tomorrow you can help me do the laundry.” Hooks on one wall burgeoned with more clothes. “Let’s sort these out.” She quickly determined many of the items were too small or needed serious repair. The last item on one hook was a pretty blue calico dress. Virnie held it out. “This looks new.”
“It is. My grandma from Philadelphia sent it.”
“Why don’t you wear it?”
“I’d only get it dirty.”
“It will wash.”
“Overalls make more sense.”
Virnie didn’t pursue the topic knowing Rachael quoted her father but she had an idea.
Sunday morning, she approached her plan. “I attend church Sunday. I’d like you to come with me.”
Rachael brightened at the idea. “Can I?”
“Of course. Let’s get prettied up.” She’d worn a simple cotton dress in demure gray with a lace-trimmed collar. She’d fashioned her hair into a loose chignon. “Why don’t you wear that dress?”
Rachael shook her head. “Pa says I don’t need to dress up to impress God. Says God’s seen me before I was born and every day since and lots of times naked.”
Virnie laughed. “That’s true but I think putting on our best clothes for church shows God we respect Him. After all, we wouldn’t go visit the president in anything but our best, would we?”
“I guess not.”
“Then run and put on your dress.”
Rachael headed toward her room with obvious reluctance. She emerged a few minutes later in the dress. The blue brought out her natural coloring.
“You look very nice.” Virnie had one more challenge. “I have some pretty hair ribbons that match that dress perfectly.”
“Pa said we got no need for useless pretty things.”
“I only thought they might keep your hair in place. Keep you tidy. But if you don’t want to…” Virnie made as if to put the ribbons away.
Rachael’s eyes followed Virnie’s hands with obvious regret. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to be tidy. Seeing we’re going to church.”
Virnie hesitated. “You’re sure?”
Rachael nodded. “I think Pa would agree they serve a useful purpose.”
“Of course they do. Now sit on a chair while I tend to your hair.” The child had thick wavy hair that required patience to brush. But Virnie didn’t mind. She loved caring for this child, doing for her all the things Virnie had never had done. As she brushed