Eventually she’d concluded that it wasn’t Hollywood she wanted, but the chance to live in a fantasy world once in a while. She considered it a failing, though, and had worked very hard to project levelheadedness. She’d succeeded for years. Shane might be the only person in the world who knew something about her reckless side, although Suz and Courtney were beginning to suspect, what with the white-water rafting and the skydiving gig.
Sorting through the jumble of things in her dresser drawer, she decided on a black lace garter belt and black patterned nylons. When Shane had said to skip the underwear, she didn’t think he meant the seductive stuff. Soon she was standing in front of the full-length mirror in her bedroom wearing only the garter belt and stockings, and getting turned on by the idea of Shane seeing her this way on the rooftop.
Phoenix in September felt like late summer anywhere else, so she chose a lightweight black suit that didn’t need a blouse underneath. Once she’d buttoned the jacket, she studied herself again in the mirror, trying to determine whether anyone could tell she had no bra on. They couldn’t, she decided, unless they were extremely nosy and looked at her for a long time. The people in her office were too busy to be nosy. She’d be fine.
She believed that until she got behind the wheel of her five-speed Toyota and discovered how it felt to zip down the 101 wearing no panties. The word risky didn’t even begin to describe it. Stimulating was a more apt word. As she adjusted to the sensation of working the clutch and the brake pedals while the breeze from the vents swirled up her skirt, she became giddy with the naughtiness of it all.
Good thing nobody was at the office yet, and she’d have a couple of hours to get used to sitting at her desk without underwear. Or maybe there would be no getting used to anything. As soon as she unlocked the door to the suite of offices and turned on the lights in the reception area, her attention went straight to the spot where she’d found Shane kneeling the night before, almost as if she expected to find him there again.
The wheeled dolly with its load of boxes was gone, but she couldn’t look at the new phone on the receptionist’s desk without remembering…everything. Taking a deep breath, she marched to her office. If she didn’t get the information into her computer and printed out by nine, she’d be toast. She had to block Shane out of her mind and get cracking.
Unfortunately, that required pulling out the notes that had become crumpled and smeared during all that wild sex. With a groan she plopped into her soft leather desk chair, which immediately reminded her of her panty-free state. Maybe this was why Benjamin didn’t indulge in fantasies. Fantasies played hell with productivity.
She had a new phone, too, courtesy of the man who could give her multiple orgasms. She picked up the receiver, telling herself she was checking for a dial tone when all she really wanted was to curl her fingers around something he had recently touched.
As she breathed in the smell of fresh plastic, which shouldn’t have been an aphrodisiac, a small scrap of paper fluttered to the desk. Still holding the receiver, she picked up the paper and turned it over to read the scrawled message. See you tonight.
Okay, so he had terrible handwriting. So did she. But he’d left a little note for her. She’d always longed for a guy who would leave her little notes. A man with a ton of obligations, like Benjamin, for example, wouldn’t have the time. At least that’s what she’d told herself. Maybe a phone installer did have the time.
See you tonight. Oh, yes, he would. She squirmed in her chair and replaced the receiver.
The buzz of the phone made her jump. It was definitely her line ringing, so it had to be somebody she knew, somebody who might be making use of the equipment he’d installed the night before to drive her crazy first thing this morning. Lust eddied through her as she picked up the receiver again.
She deliberately pitched her voice low, wanting to sound like a woman who was not wearing panties. “Hello?”
“Hi, sweetie!” her mother sang out. “Do you have a cold?”
Eileen sat up straight and tugged at her skirt, as if her mother had walked into the room and Eileen had to hide the evidence. “Absolutely not, Mom! Just need some more coffee, that’s all!” She swivelled her chair to her computer stand and switched on the monitor. There, now she felt more normal, with the program loading. A computer worked whether you were wearing underwear or not.
“Well, now you sound better,” her mother said. “I worry that you don’t get enough sleep, and I’m sure you’re not eating right. That’s how you deplete your resources and cripple your immune system, you know.”
“I had breakfast this morning.” As usual, seconds into the conversation with her mother, she felt like a seven-year-old again. She brought up the screen she needed and started typing in her notes in an effort to feel more like an adult. She wondered how many adults still ate Cocoa Puffs. Probably lots.
“Glad to hear you had breakfast. Most important meal of the day. Listen, I’m calling there because I tried your apartment and got your machine. I figured you’d gone in early to catch up on work.”
“You called my apartment at six-thirty in the morning?”
“I had something to say that couldn’t be said over dinner.”
“Mom, about dinner… I—”
“Never mind that now. Your father’s out on the patio doing his Tai Chi, so you and I have a little privacy, which was my plan.”
Alarm shot through her. “Is anything wrong?” Maybe she’d never get over that feeling of panic whenever her mother wanted to speak to her privately.
“No, goodness, no. Sorry if I scared you. I just wanted to talk to you about moving in with someone, living with each other, cohabiting, as they say. I wanted to tell you to go ahead.”
Eileen’s eyes crossed. “Are we by any chance talking about Benjamin?”
“Of course we are! And I finally figured out why you haven’t moved in with him. I mean, Courtney lived with that musician for six months last year, although heaven knows what she saw in him, and Suz is—”
“It’s not like I do whatever they do, you know.”
“Well, no, but by this age, I’m sure you’ve considered it, and I know why you’re holding off.”
Because I have to have some fantasy sex first. “Why?”
“You’re afraid we’ll disapprove.” Her mother sounded very proud of her conclusion.
“Mom, that’s not why.”
“Don’t be silly. Of course it is.”
Eileen thought about contradicting her again, but then she realized that she could end up having to explain what the real reason was. Not a good idea.
“See there,” her mother said. “Your silence speaks volumes. So here’s the deal. I’m fine with it, and I’m going to smooth the way with your father.”
“Oh, you don’t have to do that.”
“I think I do, just to make sure he’s ready to accept it. We don’t want any nasty surprises, like him suddenly turning into a traditionalist who demands a wedding first. Once your father’s on board, you can invite us over for dinner.”
“Th-thanks.” In reality, her dad had influenced her decision not to move in with Benjamin, but not in the way her mother thought. Eileen suspected she was more like her dad than her mom, which meant she needed to sow her wild oats before committing to a man. Otherwise she could end up ten years down the road having an affair and driving a red sports car.
“And there’s