Later.
Forcing thoughts of the disturbing conversation from her mind, Bonnie focused on the lithe male body slowly approaching.
As always, a rush of delicious anticipation leaped in Bonnie’s abdomen. This man had the power to change her in some elemental way. And if, tonight, there was a bit of desperation in her eagerness for him, it wasn’t something she was going to dwell on.
She unbuttoned her blouse, as well, exposing the teddy she’d slipped on when he’d gone to get Grandma.
“Oh, God, Bon, you’re so beautiful it hurts.”
She ran her fingers up his chest, his throat and into his hair, every nerve in her hands heightened so that she felt each silky strand slide between her knuckles and fall across her skin.
“Kiss me,” she begged, standing on tiptoe to reach for his mouth as she pulled his head down to hers.
He did. Again and again. His hunger was insatiable. His taste excitingly familiar. Hers. Bonnie groaned. There were so many feelings pulsating between them, so much to say.
Love into eternity. Trust and an honest desire—stronger than self—to provide happiness. Forever.
Keith had always aroused her. But tonight, as he loved her urgently, his body was perfect, in tune with every physical sensation she had. And his spirit was there, too, communicating without using the words she was so afraid to speak.
Words were too messy. Left too many things un-said, or said wrong. But this—this all-consuming absorption in each other—was more vital than any conscious thought.
By the third time they made love, they were stretched out on the family-room carpet on a quilt pulled from the back of the couch. Keith had turned on the gas fire and flames danced lazily in the fireplace in front of them. This time their loving was traditional, slow, soothing raw places deep inside Bonnie’s heart.
Bonnie savored the love she knew she was so lucky to have.
“You’ve brought me to my knees, woman,” he grumbled beside her on the carpet. “I love you so damn much.”
“I love you, too.”
He rolled to his side, head propped on one hand.
“Thank you.”
His words startled her. She was the one who should be expressing gratitude.
“For what?”
“Tonight.”
She kissed Keith gently, wishing she wasn’t too exhausted to make love again. She didn’t want this feeling to end.
And knew that it would.
Her stomach tightened. She’d be kidding herself if she thought her dissatisfaction with life would just disappear when she woke up in the morning.
Settling down onto the quilt, she pushed herself up against Keith so that his hips were cradling her bottom, his arms around her.
“You know, that first time in the kitchen tonight, while I wasn’t thinking about anything but getting inside you, it still hit me hard that you didn’t insist on using protection. I had this huge urge to laugh out loud.”
He paused and Bonnie lay frozen, willing him not to think what she knew he was thinking. “Of course, other urges were much stronger than laughter….”
She chuckled with him and felt no laughter at all.
“I know it took a while for us to get pregnant with Katie,” Keith continued, his voice sleepy, content, happier than she’d heard him in far too long. “I’m not expecting anything to come of tonight. I’m just glad we’re getting started.”
Bonnie moved her head. It could have been a nod. Or a protest. She wanted so badly to want what Keith wanted, what they’d always wanted together.
A family. This house. This life.
Tied up in knots, she lay there beside him. Did she tell him she hadn’t stopped an incredibly spontaneous moment because she hadn’t had to? That it was a safe time for her?
The admission would hurt him, ruin the best evening they’d had in months. And for what?
She wasn’t sure she wasn’t going to have another child. And didn’t want him to think she didn’t want one. Because maybe she did. She loved being a mother. And a wife. She just had to figure out what she needed to do for Bonnie, the woman, before she committed herself any further.
Or figure out how to convince that woman to feel completely fulfilled with the life she had.
But how did she tell her husband that? How could she look into those gorgeous blue eyes and tell this man that the life he loved, the one they’d built together, wasn’t enough for her?
They could lose everything. And for what?
So maybe they wouldn’t use protection the next time they made love. Or the time after that.
Rolling over, she studied Keith’s familiar features. Those eyes, half-closed, slumbrous and sexy, the jaw with the familiar dark shadow, a mouth that wasn’t quite grinning but somehow expressing complete satisfaction. She loved him so much.
And couldn’t hurt him anymore.
“I SAW THIS FILM in the studio today.”
Keith and Bonnie were sitting up, wrapped in the quilt. Reflection from the flames swayed across Bonnie’s skin, clothing her in a mysterious beauty. It was after midnight and they both had to work early, but Keith had absolutely no desire to go to bed.
“Previewing?” she asked, glancing sideways at him.
He nodded. It wasn’t often a film stayed with him, coming to mind again and again, as this one had.
Keith wasn’t sure if it was the film itself or Martha’s reaction to it that was nagging at him. While he appreciated what the dancers and the filmmaker were saying, he still didn’t think it fit their programming mission.
“It’s bothering you?” Bonnie asked, understanding, even though he’d said nothing.
He nodded a second time, his gaze moving from her face to the fire.
He told her about the suffering he’d seen. The death and hopelessness that pervaded the film. “It was too much.”
“The movie showed them dying?” Bonnie asked.
“No.” And then, “They were dancing.”
“Dancing.” He could feel her looking at him. “Even at the end? They were dancing?”
“Yeah, but you had to see it, Bon. These guys were like shells of men, their bodies so thin you wondered how they had the strength to move.”
“But obviously they did have the strength, or they wouldn’t have been able to dance.”
She’d know about that, having been a dancer for years before she’d stopped to study early-childhood education.
“Yeah.” Elbows on his knees, Keith stared down a particular feisty flame.
“I think that’s inspiring. Like they weren’t going to quit until it was over.”
“So you think it would be okay to broadcast?”
“Of course!”
Keith turned his head to see Bonnie frowning at him. “Don’t you?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” More so now.
“What did Martha have to say about it?”
“Pretty much the same thing you did.”
“I’m not surprised.