‘Not wouldn’t—couldn’t. It isn’t that I don’t want to get married,’ Daniel said hoarsely, ‘I do. But I can’t. I just can’t do it. I would make a lousy husband and a terrible father and I won’t do that to a child.’ Sweat tingled on his brow as he thought of how close he’d come to breaking his promise to himself. Only Stella could have driven him to that. ‘I can’t be what she wants me to be. I did it for her.’
‘Funny. She didn’t appear that grateful last time I looked.’
‘She should be grateful. Better to let her down now than in five years’ time.’ Or at least, that’s what he’d told himself when he’d driven the scalpel through her heart.
Trying to dispel that image, Daniel pressed his fingers into the bridge of his nose and Patrick sighed.
‘Why would you have let her down?’
‘Being a mother is really important to Stella. Sometimes I think it’s the only thing that matters to her.’ Trying to get a grip on his emotions, Daniel clamped his hands over the edge of Patrick’s desk. ‘And I knew I couldn’t be what she wanted me to be. She has this picture in her head—the perfect family. Mum, Dad, lots of kids—probably a dog or two.’ He gritted his teeth. ‘And I’m not the guy in that picture. Fatherhood is the one job I’m not going to try. You mess that up, you take people with you.’
‘I happen to think you wouldn’t mess it up,’ Patrick replied calmly, ‘but I know you believe it. Which is why I didn’t knock your head off two years ago.’
Daniel straightened. ‘So you agree I did the right thing.’
‘No. But I know you think you did. And I didn’t want to watch you self-destruct and take Stella with you. She is a rare, special person. The sort of woman who would be by your side no matter what life throws at you. She wants marriage and a family—and she’ll make someone a fantastic wife and mother.’
‘And is that “someone” going to be you?’ Anger roared through him like fire through a parched forest and Daniel strode around the desk and grabbed his brother by the shoulders. ‘You’re in need of a wife and a mother for your children—is Stella going to fill that slot? Is that why she’s back?’
Patrick didn’t flinch. ‘You’ve just said you’re not interested. Why would you care?’
‘I never said I didn’t care.’ Daniel let his hands drop, stunned by his own reaction. Since when had he picked fights with his twin? ‘I just don’t think you’re the right man for Stella.’
‘I don’t think you’re qualified to judge. Relationships aren’t your speciality, are they?’
Daniel stared at his brother for a long moment and then breathed out slowly. ‘You’re not having a relationship, are you? You’re just winding me up.’
‘Why would that wind you up? You decided you’re not good for Stella. Right or wrong, that means she’s free to be with another man. And with her long legs and her sweet nature, they’re going to be beating her door down. You’d better get used to it.’
Sweat pricking his forehead, Daniel tried to imagine getting used seeing Stella with another man. ‘That’s fine. No problem. I just don’t want her mixed up with someone unsuitable. She’s pretty innocent.’
‘She went out with you for two years,’ Patrick reminded him dryly, ‘so she can’t be that innocent.’
Thinking about the steam and sizzle that had characterised their relationship, Daniel suddenly felt a rush of dangerous heat. The thought of Stella with another man made his stomach churn. ‘I just don’t want some man messing her around.’
‘Like you did? Don’t worry—if she survived you, she’ll survive anyone.’ Patrick strolled back to his desk and sat down. He took a set of notes from a pile and reached for a pencil. ‘I need to do some work.’
‘Why is she back?’
‘Obviously she’s got over you and felt able to come home. She has friends here.’ Patrick scanned some results, scribbled something onto the notes and dropped them in a tray ready to be collected. ‘A life.’
A life that didn’t include him. ‘And you’re one of those friends?’
‘Of course. I’ve known her as long as you have. She was my friend, as well as yours. She made Christmas for us that year you and Carly had your own mini-meltdowns.’ He looked at Daniel, a warning in his gaze. ‘I’ll never forget how she picked herself up and got on with things. Her heart was breaking but she still managed to dance around the house wearing antlers to make my son laugh.’
‘She was always good with children. That was our problem. All Stella ever wanted was children.’ And children were the last thing he wanted. Daniel stared at the row of photographs of his niece and nephew that Patrick had hung on the wall. Alfie and Posy giggling on a sledge. The two of them covered in ice cream at the beach. Posy in a backpack, grabbing Patrick’s hair. ‘Those two human beings are totally reliant on you. If you screw up, they suffer.’
‘Thanks for that vote of confidence.’
‘Doesn’t it terrify you?’
‘No. I love them. And I don’t intend to screw up.’ Patrick toyed with the pencil. ‘It doesn’t have to be the way it was for us, Dan.’
It was something they rarely mentioned and Daniel felt the filthy sludge of the past slide into his brain. ‘Christmas was the worst time, do you remember?’
The pencil in Patrick’s lean fingers snapped in two. ‘Yes.’
‘I counted the days until it was over.’
‘I counted them with you.’ His brother’s casual tone didn’t fool him and suddenly Daniel wanted to know.
‘So how have you managed to put it behind you? With that grim example of parenting shining in your head, how do you do it?’
‘I love my children.’ A faint smile touched his brother’s mouth. ‘And I suppose I treat our childhood as an education in how not to parent. As long as I’m doing everything opposite, then I’m pretty confident that it will turn out all right.’
‘You’re divorced.’
‘Precisely. If Mum and Dad had divorced, they might have been happy.’ Patrick threw the broken bits of pencil into the bin. ‘I don’t subscribe to the school of thought that says a miserably unhappy couple have to stay together for the sake of the children. Why are we talking about this? What does this have to do with Stella?’
‘I’m reminding you why I don’t want marriage.’
‘I don’t need reminding.’
‘I did her a favour.’
‘You truly believe that, don’t you?’ Patrick gave a humourless laugh. ‘Dan, you proposed to her and then broke her heart. What I don’t understand is why you asked her to marry you in the first place, given your serious allergy to that condition.’
Daniel ran his hand over the back of his neck, remembering that night. ‘It was Christmas. I was crazy about her. It was what she wanted.’
‘But not what you wanted.’
‘For a brief moment I thought I did,’ Daniel confessed in a raw tone. ‘I thought maybe, just maybe, I could do it, but when your Carly—’ Breaking off, Daniel threw his brother a glance of apology but Patrick shrugged.
‘Don’t mince your words. When Carly walked out on me, it reminded you that relationships are difficult, fragile things.’
‘And Alfie cried himself to sleep at night for months!’ Daniel’s eyes slid to the photographs on the wall. ‘I never want to do that to