But he was still lucky she was here for Maddie and Evan. They loved her, as much as she would allow.
Trouble was, he could foresee her getting harder and harder on Evan. Opening the refrigerator again to look for something to drink, John scowled. He’d been old enough when his father died to have some inner defenses. His brothers, especially Hugh, hadn’t been. His mother had messed with Hugh’s psyche but good, and he couldn’t let her do the same to Evan. He didn’t want to hurt her by cutting her off from the kids, but the day was coming when he’d have to find alternative baby-sitting—and either a tactful explanation of why he had made the change, or the guts to be blunt.
“Is something spoiling in there?”
He jerked and dropped the milk carton. Milk sloshed at his feet. Swearing, he bent to pick it up.
Natalie stayed in the doorway, eyes huge, dark curly hair tousled over her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“No, no.” He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured the milk before it could all leak out the bottom.
“Do you have a pitcher you could put that in?” She came shyly into the kitchen.
“Uh, yeah. Somewhere.” He left the milk carton in the sink and banged cupboard doors until he found a plastic pitcher. He salvaged a pint or so, enough for breakfast cereal, anyway.
Natalie had taken paper towels and was mopping up the mess on the floor.
“I can do that,” he said, frowning again as he looked down at the top of her head and realized she wore a robe. She had probably been in bed when she heard him come in.
“It was my fault.” She didn’t even glance up.
“Besides, the microwave beeped. I think your dinner must be ready.”
John hesitated for a moment, then opted for the casserole. What was he going to do, hand-wrestle Natalie for a soggy paper towel?
“Come sit with me?” he asked.
Now she did look up, that same unexpected shyness in her dark eyes. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be alone?”
“Positive.” He hooked a stool at the tiled breakfast bar with one foot and pulled it out. “Are you hungry?”
“Heavens, no! Your mother made me eat every bite at dinner.”
He gave the same rueful chuckle. “That’s my mom.”
Natalie wiped the floor again with a damp, soapy towel and then tossed it into the garbage under the sink. Straightening, she hesitated, pulled her robe more snugly around herself and then came to the bar.
John pushed a second stool out. “Join me.”
“I couldn’t sleep.” She scooted her rump onto the stool, keeping both hands on her robe so that it didn’t gape above or below the belt.
Of course, nothing was so calculated to make him wonder what she wore under it. He hastily turned his attention to his dinner. Damn it, he did not want to have sexual fantasies, however fleeting, about Natalie Reed.
“Did you nap this afternoon?” Maybe not a smart question, as it made him picture that curly hair spread on her pillow, her cheeks flushed like Maddie’s on the rare occasions when she would still lie down during the daytime.
Natalie shook her head. “I never do, you see. Going so against habit would have just made me think.”
He chewed and swallowed, washing the bite down with a slug of milk. “What did you do, then?”
“Rode.” The hand possessively clutching the robe at her bosom began to relax, as if she forgot she had to. “Then, believe it or not, I went shopping at the mall. A woman’s refuge.”
“Ah.” Debbie had shopped, too, whether the credit cards were maxed out or not.
“I wasn’t sure you could let me into my house. I bought some clothes for the next day or so.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” he said roughly. “I could have gotten what you needed.”
“No, that’s okay.” She bent her head and fingered the shawl collar of the robe, which he realized belatedly was his mother’s. “I hardly ever take the time to shop, and I can use some new jeans and…things.”
Panties? Bras? Another irritating, unsettling image of her lush body in dainty, lacy lingerie flitted through his mind. His brows drew together and he shoved another bite in, although the damn casserole seemed tasteless tonight.
She said quietly, “You looked angry earlier. And now you do again. Did something happen today?”
“What?” He realized he was glowering at her and wiped the expression from his face. “Sorry. No. Nothing happened. In fact, too little happened.”
She didn’t say anything. She never did probe. What he didn’t offer, she didn’t ask. Because she didn’t care enough? Because she didn’t think she had the right?
Had she been the same with Stuart? Or was Stuart the one who had taught her that what he didn’t choose to tell her was none of her damned business?
The speculation felt disloyal. Stuart Reed and he had been partners. Friends. Yeah, there had been moments when John hadn’t much liked him, but that was water under the bridge. Stuart was dead and buried. This was no time to question his character.
“I was thinking about my mother,” John said abruptly, as much because he wasn’t yet ready to admit he hadn’t made an arrest today, that Natalie couldn’t go home, that he didn’t have a damned clue.
“Like I said, she’s too hard on Evan especially. I’m just not sure what to do about it.”
“Have you talked to her?”
“I said something this morning.”
“Did you?” Her voice was soft, uncritical, but he got the point.
Okay. So what he’d really done was snap at his mother.
“Talking to her isn’t going to do any good.”
“I don’t understand.” Tiny crinkles formed in her brow. “I always thought you were close to her.”
John shoved his plate away on a sigh. “Yes and no. I stayed in town, I see her often. I appreciate what she did, somehow keeping us all together when she had no job skills and Dad hadn’t left any life insurance.” He didn’t usually talk like this. What he felt toward Stuart’s memory was nothing when compared to his fierce loyalty to family. But Natalie listened with those wide, compassionate eyes and no hint of judgment. He could use a sounding board.
“What did your mom do?”
“Worked two jobs. Apparently she’d learned to type in high school, and she managed to get a secretarial job even though she had no experience. Nights she cleaned office buildings.”
“But when did she sleep?”
The question took him by surprise. “I don’t know.” He grimaced. “No, that’s not true, of course. Whenever she got home in the middle of the night, maybe three o’clock to seven in the morning. A couple of hours after work in the afternoon.” Somehow he hadn’t thought about how sleep deprived his mother must have been all those years.
“What about you and your brothers? Did somebody take care of you when she was working?”
He