The difference was, she was still connected to Timothy and always would be. Some nights her heart ached unbearably because of the decision she’d made. But she’d known it was best for Timothy then, and she believed it was best for him now.
What did this note mean, anyway? Was it a precursor to blackmail? Did someone think that, since she was connected to Brian and Carrie, she had money, too?
Folding the note, she slipped it into her purse. She’d have to think about it some more before she told anyone. Besides, what was there to tell? She was certainly not going to worry Brian and Carrie unnecessarily, not after everything they’d done for her. She was making a life on her own now and she wouldn’t depend on anyone else.
The locket around her neck swung free as she bent to remove her boots and then her jeans. In only her panties and bra, she opened the heart necklace and looked at the little face of the baby she’d given away, touched the silky lock of his hair.
“You’re happy where you are,” she said, her voice catching. “That’s all that matters. Carrie and Brian love you as if you were their very own.”
Standing up straight and squaring her shoulders, she quickly dressed in her suit and high heels, ran a comb through her hair, reapplied lipstick and gazed at the professional woman she was trying to become.
Alan Barrett’s tanned face with its firm jaw and crooked lines around his eyes seemed to gaze back at her. She blinked. Alan was years older than she was. He was Brian’s colleague. He was too handsome and he knew it. He was a little bit arrogant, determined and even authoritarian.
So why couldn’t she stop thinking about him?
Because he’d looked at her with such concern after she’d opened the note? Or because when their eyes met, she felt rattled down to her spike heels?
She doubted very much if Alan Barrett would like a woman with tattoos.
She doubted if Alan Barrett would even consider getting involved with a woman who had given up her child.
Chapter Two
During a game of hide-and-seek that evening, Lisa spotted Timothy by the leg of the dining room table. “I see you!”
Giggling, he dashed under the table, where the white cloth partially hid him. After she crouched down, Lisa got to her hands and knees and went after him. As she caught him, he laughed.
“You can’t hide from me,” she warned him, tickling his tummy.
When Carrie spoke, Lisa could hardly hear her above their laughter. Releasing Timothy, she peered out from under the tablecloth.
Carrie was smiling, and she wasn’t alone. “Brian brought a friend home for dinner.”
As Lisa’s gaze traveled from boots, up expensive slacks to the Western-cut jacket, she practically groaned. The friend that Brian had brought home was Alan Barrett.
Minus his Stetson, he looked amused as he said, “I used to do that with my daughter. In some ways, it seems as if it were yesterday.”
Carrie explained, “Alan’s daughter will be leaving for college in the fall.”
He had a daughter. He was married. Lisa almost breathed a sigh of relief at that news.
Timothy chose that moment to scramble away from her and run to his mom, snagging Carrie by one leg. “Can I have a cookie, please?”
A beautiful woman and a former model, Carrie stooped and lifted Timothy into her arms. Her auburn hair hid her face until she absently brushed it away. “It’s almost bedtime. I suppose you can have a cookie if you have a glass of milk with it.”
One of those little pangs stabbed Lisa’s heart. Carrie had final say in everything Timothy did. She was a wonderful mom and Lisa couldn’t have found anyone better to be a mother to her son.
Crawling out from under the table, Lisa felt foolish. When she’d arrived at Carrie and Brian’s, she’d changed from her suit into the clothes she had worn to have lunch with Craig. Now she was rumpled after roughhousing with Timothy. She knew her hair was probably a mess and her lipstick nonexistent. Some professional image she was projecting to a man she’d be working with!
Ruffling Timothy’s hair, Brian said, “I’m going to check messages in my office.” After loosening his tie, he motioned to the top of the buffet and suggested to Alan, “Make yourself at home. Drinks are there. Lisa can tell you where anything is if you can’t find it.”
“Dinner will be ready as soon as I get this little rascal a snack and put him to bed,” Carrie added. “I’m so glad you could join us, Alan. Please do make yourself at home.”
A few moments later, the dining room seemed small and quiet with just the two of them in it. Alan seemed to tower over Lisa. Awkward tension vibrated between them until he stepped toward the buffet.
Searching for some topic of conversation, Lisa asked, “Where will your daughter be going to school?”
Alan picked up an old-fashioned glass and tipped the lid from the ice bucket. “She has to make up her mind soon. I’ll find out when I get back to the ranch next week.”
“I imagine it’s hard to be away from your family when you travel for work.”
Although Lisa had told herself from the moment of Timothy’s birth that he was no longer hers, although she’d given him to Brian and Carrie so he’d have a secure future where hers had been uncertain, she’d still missed him terribly when she’d gone off to college. She’d thought once she’d started her own life she could put her past behind her and move on. That had included reconciling herself to the fact that although she’d given birth to a son, he was no longer hers and she was not a mother. But even her heavy load of course work hadn’t been able to make her forget about Timothy, though her resolve had always been strong and sure. She had done what was best for him. Thankful that Brian and Carrie were letting her stay involved in his life, she knew that the dull ache in her heart might never go away. But she’d always be a backup to Brian and Carrie. She just hoped as Timothy matured and learned the truth, he’d understand. Most of all, she hoped that he’d forgive her.
“I have been away a lot the past six months,” Alan replied. “Most of the time I’ve been working up here in Portland with Brian. I bought a condo in the fall to cut back on hotel bills.” He flashed the crooked grin that made Lisa’s toes curl in her boots.
He’s married, she scolded herself. No toe-curling allowed.
“Did I hear you say you got a new apartment?” he asked, glancing at her.
Alan had apparently been in and out of Brian’s life for the past six months, but she didn’t know what Brian might have told him. So she treaded carefully.
“Yes, I’m furnishing it, little by little. I dropped over tonight because Carrie had some extra things in the attic she thought I could use.”
“Brian and Carrie are a great couple. Truth be told, I never thought I’d want a partner, but Brian’s got great instincts and something else that’s hard to find these days—integrity.” He poured Scotch into his glass and then soda. “Can I fix you something?” he asked when he was done.
That surprised her, and he must have seen it in her expression.
“What? You think a man can’t fix a drink for a lady? Believe me, whenever Christina stays with me, I hear about the changing roles of men and women. I think she even did a paper on it.”
“Stays with you?” That sounded as if—
“Yes. I’ve had joint custody with my ex-wife since Christina was ten.”
“You’re…divorced?”
“Yes, I am.”
The toe-curling was back double-time now. “Maybe I will have a club soda,” she murmured.