When the hole inside him threatened to gobble him up, he went back to the journal.
Anyway, what do I want from this place? How about pizza and beer for snacks? How about somebody to believe me? How about other kids who don’t look at me like I’m a weirdo?
He felt his eyes well with the dreaded moisture. Damn it, why had he let his aunt convince him to come here?
Because he was afraid she’d turn on him if he didn’t. Because he couldn’t stand how much he hurt inside and couldn’t handle the anger that never seemed to go away. These people might not be able to help, but they couldn’t make his life worse.
It couldn’t get any worse.
MADELYN FINISHED her journal entry about what she wanted to happen in this group. It wasn’t much different from what Nick had proposed, though she would have preferred the kids refer to her by her formal title. And she wouldn’t have thought to meet with them at a coffee shop.
“Time’s up.” Nick’s voice was clear and strong and confident. It even made her feel safe, and she knew better than to buy into his coaxing ways. “Let’s share some of our thoughts. Anybody want to start?”
No takers.
Madelyn jumped in. “I will.” She read from her first page. “I’d like to decorate the journal covers next time with something that reflects our personalities. Who we are. And I think we should do some ice-breakers then, too, to get us warmed up to talking about our feelings. I hope everybody will participate because that’s the only way to help each other. However, my vote is for a pass system, where we don’t have to share if we don’t want to.”
“That’s chunk,” Nato said. Madelyn had recently learned that chunk indicated approval.
Hector added, “Sí, Señora.”
Madelyn smiled at them. “But, guys, I don’t think we should be able to pass all the time.”
“I agree with that.” She looked over to see Nick had gone to the whiteboard again and had written down what she’d suggested.
Madelyn held up her journal. “The rest is for my eyes only.” She’d written about how difficult it was to be here with Nick.
“Did you do that?” Kara asked. “Write private stuff?”
“Yes.” She angled her head at the girl. “Kara, you know, adults don’t have it all together. We have issues.”
Nick stared at Madelyn. “We mess things up. We make bad decisions.”
“I guess I know that,” Kara said.
“Let’s go on.” Nick scanned the kids. “One of you want to start?”
Again, Anne Nguyen raised her hand.
“You can just speak out, Anne,” Nick told her.
“I want this all to be private from our parents.”
Nick wrote privacy on the board, then set down the marker. Sticking his hands in the pockets of his jeans, he leaned back on his heels. “I think your request is a key here. But I have to tell you some parameters. You can share feelings that you don’t want your parents to know about. But if either Madelyn or I sense you’re going to harm yourself or someone else, we can’t and won’t keep that private.”
“Will you tell Dr. Walsh what we talk about in private sessions?” Tommy asked.
“I’m going to ask for your permission for that,” Madelyn answered before Nick could. “I can help you better in these group sessions if I know what you and Nick talked about.”
Tommy’s expression was challenging. “You promise it won’t go further?”
“I do.” She looked at Nick.
He said, “You have my word.”
Madelyn struggled with that….
Maddie, please, I need to touch you, hold you. You have my word, I won’t hurt you, emotionally or physically….
“Madelyn, Carla asked you a question.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“You’re head of this place?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Can you keep that promise?”
“I haven’t broken one yet.” She shot a pointed look at Nick.
He cleared his throat. “It’s settled then, if no one else has an opinion on the privacy.”
Most of them nodded.
“Nato? You go next.”
The boy shrugged as if he didn’t care about any of this. “I want pretzels and Dr Pepper.”
The corners of Nick’s mouth turned up. “I’ll go grocery shopping. What else?”
The kid held his gaze unflinchingly. “I pass.”
“Hector?” Nick asked.
“Burritos and fried rice.”
“That might have to wait until a dinner gathering.”
As Maddie listened to everybody else, she wondered how Nick was going to go about reaching the boys who were showing signs of resistance. He was a skilled counselor, but some kids did fall through the cracks.
Like he had. When she began to think about his difficult adolescence, she stopped short. Damn it, she wasn’t going to feel sorry for him.
KARA GLANCED around the room. After they’d introduced themselves, Nick had given them one last assignment. Write about how they were feeling at the end of the session.
On the wall was a poster of common reactions to victimization. He said they could write those feelings down if they applied and go from there.
So she wrote, “Isolated, helpless, powerless.” She bit her lip. “Shy. Don’t like the boys in the group. Glad Dr. Walsh is here. Wonder if I’m ever going to get better.”
Someone touched her arm. “Kara, are you all right?”
She looked up at Dr. Walsh. “Huh?”
“You’re crying.”
Her hands went to her face. “Oh, God.”
Dr. Walsh stood. “Come on, let’s go outside for a minute.”
She couldn’t get her breath.
“It’s okay, Kara. It’s okay.”
She managed to stand. Nick nodded to Dr. Walsh, who led her out and down to the ladies’ room. Inside, she wet some paper towels and gave them to Kara. When Kara just held on to them, Dr. Walsh took them back and pressed them to Kara’s face, which felt like it was burning up. “Better?”
“Uh-huh. I’m sorry. I hate being such a tweaker.”
“Never apologize for your reactions in there, Kara. You’re going to see a lot of the kids breaking down.”
“Yeah, I’ll bet Nato and Hector are real criers.”
Dr. Walsh chuckled, then got serious. “They’ll show it in other ways.”
“By giving Nick a hard time.”
“He can hold his own.”
“I’m