She sighed. ‘Before Michael decided not to eat his lunch he stood up and loudly told me I was no good and not to go near his father again.’ She gave a wan smile. ‘He said he would kill me if I did.’
‘Damn,’ Zack bit out fiercely. ‘Damn, damn, damn!’
‘I can see now where he gets his temper from,’ she softly mocked.
Green eyes blazed at her. ‘I do not care to discuss the temperament of my son and myself with you,’ he bit out coldly, glancing at the plain gold watch on his wrist. ‘I believe you have another show to do,’ he reminded abruptly before leaving.
It had been worse, so much worse, than she had imagined. She still loved Zack, and there could never be a future for them, never could have been and never would be. She had known that the night they met, had been grateful for Zack’s honesty about any relationship they had. It hadn’t occurred to her that the fact that they had fallen in love would change those plans. When Zack had asked her to marry him she hadn’t known what to do, or say. In the end she had had no choice, Nicholas Buchanan made sure of that.
‘We’re back on,’ Sean appeared in the doorway to tell her. ‘I like the dress,’ he leered teasingly.
It was a low-cut, low-backed black dress that clung everywhere—and for all the notice Zack had taken of it she might have been wearing a sack! Had she secretly hoped he would still find her attractive, that he might even suggest resuming the affair they had once had? She knew she had hurt Zack too much in the past for him to ever forgive her.
She gave a rueful look at the chicken sandwich that had curled up at the edges while she spoke to Zack, following Sean out of the room; she didn’t have the appetite for it now, even if she had had the time to eat it.
The table at the back of the room had been filled with two young couples now, and a quick glance around the rest of the lounge showed her Zack wasn’t seated anywhere else either. He had seen her, made his feelings clear, and now had no reason to bother with her further.
The second show was an improvement on the first. She allowed herself to relax a little now that Zack’s ominous presence was no longer in the room, and knew that the audience appreciated her performance.
But by twelve o’clock, when she had finally cleaned away in her dressing-room, she felt exhausted, just wanted to fall into bed and go to sleep. But she knew she wasn’t going to, going over and over in her mind that last meeting with the triumphant Nicholas Buchanan.
Thinking about it wasn’t going to change anything, she knew that, and yet the images wouldn’t be banished. Zack had invited her down to his family home for the weekend, something he had done plenty of times before. His parents seemed to accept that she had been sharing an apartment with him in London for the last three months, his gentle mother always warm and friendly, his father not openly disclaiming the affair but making it clear he thought his only child could do better than a young singer in a nightclub.
On the Saturday evening she and Zack had gone to the local country club for dinner, and as they had walked outside in the moonlit garden after their meal Zack had asked her to marry him. Her stunned surprise must have shown on her face.
‘Darling, it can’t be such a shock,’ he had laughed indulgently; he had laughed a lot since they had been together, no longer the remote man she had first met. ‘It must be obvious from the way I can’t keep my hands off you, that I have to keep touching you, that I’m in love with you.’
She had blushed at the mention of the amount of time they spent in bed together, Zack liking to touch her and caress her even when they weren’t making love. Physically they had been perfect from the first, and that part of the relationship only got better. In fact, the whole relationship was absolute bliss for Cynara, the fact that Zack was still technically married to Joanne meaning there had been no pressure on her for a more permanent relationship.
But in a matter of seconds Zack had changed all that, and she could feel the panic rising up inside her. ‘We’re happy as we are, Zack,’ she dismissed lightly. ‘Let’s not spoil it.’
‘Spoil it?’ the laughter slowly left his face. ‘How could being married spoil anything?’
‘You told me you didn’t want another permanent relationship,’ she had reminded him, the smile on her lips not concealing the strain in her eyes.
‘Cynara, I love you,’ he had said impatiently. ‘I believed you loved me.’
‘I do—–’
‘Then where’s the problem?’ he had frowned. ‘People that love each other usually get married.’
‘I—I just don’t want to—to upset things between us,’ she had been very pale in the moonlight. ‘You loved Joanne once, and look what happened to that marriage,’ she had added desperately.
‘I still love Joanne,’ he had told her softly. ‘But I don’t know that I was ever in love with her. We met when we were both at university, married because we thought we were in love and Joanne’s parents were urging her to return to Australia. By the time the first heady excitement of what we had done had died down Michael was on the way. We were lovers who, as the years passed, became friends who loved each other. When someone else came along for her about a year ago I didn’t stand in her way of happiness. She’s a wonderful woman, she deserves to be happy. But I think I deserve happiness too,’ he had told her frowningly. ‘Meeting you and falling in love with you was the last thing I had in mind when I walked on to that ship almost four months ago. But I did meet you, and I love you more than life itself. I can’t imagine ever being without you now.’
She had felt the same way, but she had known she couldn’t marry him. And if she were to make him understand that without revealing the true reason then she was going to have to hurt him. ‘Marriage is too confining, Zack,’ she had dismissed brightly. ‘I have to be free, free to do what I want.’
‘And what do you want?’ he had rasped. ‘I thought you wanted me!’
‘I do,’ she had drawled throatily. ‘But I also want a career, to travel where that career takes me.’
‘You can still have those things married to me,’ he had protested.
‘Zack Buchanan’s wife a singer?’ she had mocked. ‘I don’t think so, Zack. What would your friends, your family, have to say about that?’
‘I don’t give a damn what anyone has to say.’ He had scowled. ‘I want you for my wife.’
‘You say that now,’ she had grimaced. ‘But what about in a few years time when you do care what those friends and family have to say? What then, Zack?’
‘It won’t happen,’ he had dismissed impatiently. ‘Besides, I doubt you will want to continue with your career for ever.’
‘Why won’t I?’ she had prompted.
‘Well—I—You can’t sing for the rest of your life,’ he had protested frowningly.
‘Why can’t I?’ she had persisted softly.
He had given an impatient sigh. ‘Surely one day you will just want to take things easy, settle down?’
‘No.’ She had shaken her head firmly. ‘That’s exactly what I don’t want.’
‘You want us to just continue with this living together arrangement?’
‘Yes!’
‘And if I want more than that?’
She had swallowed hard. ‘I can’t give you more than that.’
His mouth had thinned angrily. ‘Maybe you just need time to think this over,’ he had bit out. ‘After all, I’m still married to Joanne; we haven’t even discussed marriage before. You probably haven’t given