She took another mouthful of noodles and nodded, but he sensed the change in her, as if she was suddenly viewing him as a stranger when before she’d treated him like an ally. Money attracted a lot of women—the wrong women—but he doubted Jessica fell into that category, even if she was desperate for an injection of cash to save her assets. If she did, her eyes would have lit up, her smile would have become wider—he knew all the signs—and yet she’d looked more alarmed than anything else. She could just be good at hiding her emotions, but she’d been so honest about her grief that he doubted it.
“So you said you’re a banker, when you’re not traveling?”
“I was, back in London,” he said, taking the lid off another dish. “I managed a private hedge fund.”
“Ahh, I see,” she said, like finding out what he did told her everything she needed to know.
It felt like a lifetime ago to him, and in some ways it was. The guy he was here was nothing like the man he’d been for most of his adult life.
“So will you go back? To being a banker?”
It was something he’d thought about a lot lately, and he still wasn’t sure. “That life took everything from me,” he said, pushing the memories away that were trying to claw their way back in, the memories that so often took hold of him and refused to give him any relief. “I need to go back at some point, but right now I’m happy pretending to be someone else.”
The smile she gave him this time lit her eyes again, as if she was happy with his answer. “So does the person you are here have time to help me figure out what the hell happened to my inheritance?”
Nathan grinned. It had been a long time since he’d hung out and chatted to a beautiful woman—he couldn’t even recall the last time he’d chilled out and eaten take-out food with his wife. This was the type of evening he’d missed out on over the past decade, what he’d thought was overrated. Now he knew otherwise. And it had also been a while since he’d been able to really use his brain, and if he was honest with himself he kind of missed that part of his old life.
“It just so happens that I’m great with numbers, so if you need me to look at any transactions, bank accounts, anything, I’m your guy.”
At times like this, he knew his old lifestyle hadn’t been worth what he’d lost, the memories he’d have to live with for the rest of his life. He’d tried so hard to have everything, and all he’d done was lose what he’d spent years striving for. Jessica was like a breath of fresh air, even if she was in need of his help. So long as he kept reminding himself that she could be only a friend, he’d be just fine. Because not only was she Jock’s granddaughter, she was also an attractive woman, and part of being away from home was about keeping his life complication free.
Jessica was vulnerable right now, and he wasn’t going to take advantage of that. Although if there was something he could do to help her, he would. “So tell me what the lawyer said.”
She rolled her eyes and took another mouthful before leaning back in her chair, anger taking over her face again.
“You know, when I met you earlier, I told myself to be nice to you because you were a paying guest.”
He chuckled, curious. “And now?”
Her dark eyes locked on his. “Now?” she shrugged. “Now I think that I was a little harsh. I can’t be an island forever.”
“An island?” He had no idea what she was talking about, but she had a great knack of taking his mind from his thoughts.
“Let’s just say that I usually keep to myself. I’ve always been a loner.”
Nathan didn’t know if she was just being friendly or if she was flirting with him. He’d been married for half of his twenties and part of his thirties, and even if he hadn’t been he’d worked almost every waking hour since he’d graduated, which meant he’d been out of the game for way too long. So darn long that he couldn’t even figure out if Jessica was interested or just being friendly.
“For the record, I’m pleased you’ve given up the whole island thing.”
She laughed. “Yeah?”
So much for not flirting. He’d even managed to throw a dumb joke in there, or at least his pitiful attempt at a joke.
“So tell me what it’s like being a banker,” she asked between mouthfuls.
Nathan refused to be drawn back into the past, to let himself think too much about what she’d just asked him. But Jessica knew nothing about what had happened; she was just asking an innocent question. It wasn’t her fault that just the mention of his past brought back memories so vivid, a gut-wrenching pain so deep, that it seemed like he could choke just trying to breath.
“In my first year one of the other interns died from staying awake almost 24/7 and working insane hours,” he told her, watching as her jaw physically dropped, mouth gaping open. “The poor guy was so fatigued, had worked a few days straight, and he had a heart attack.”
“You’re kidding me. Please tell me you’re kidding.”
“I wish I was,” he said with a grimace. “The kind of industry I was in, it took a lot from plenty of us, but the game of what we do is so addictive that sometimes it takes something pretty major to jolt us out.”
Her eyebrows bunched together as she stared at him. “And a young guy dying didn’t alert you to the kind of job you were getting yourself into before you’d committed?”
Nathan shrugged. It was something he’d asked himself so many times after he’d lost his wife, but he knew the answer. The truth was that nothing could have made him give up his job back then—the money had been too good and he’d loved what he did each day—until he’d found his wife. He blinked a few times in fast succession, as if it would make the memories magically disappear. And the way his family were, their expectations; they had almost made his career decision for him. But he wasn’t about to talk to her about his family, because that would be going back in time to something else he was only too happy to forget.
“That’s why I’m here,” he told her. “It took me a while, years, but I finally realized that there was a life for me away from Mayfair. I just had to leave London to figure that out.” If only it hadn’t taken him so long. “I lost someone I loved, and it made me rethink—” he paused “—everything. But I know that if I was twenty-one all over again, nothing anyone could have said to me would have made a difference.”
Jessica’s face was soft, her expression kind as she watched him. “Sometimes it takes losing what we love to show us how much that person or thing meant to us in the first place,” she said, her voice low, almost husky. “I’ve spent my entire life looking up to the world’s best riders, and then when I finally achieved my dreams I lost everything.”
He didn’t know what to tell her, because nothing he could say would change how she felt. He still hadn’t come to terms with what had happened to him, which meant there was no way in hell she would in the near future, either.
“I bet every second person tells you that it’ll get better. That you’ll learn to deal with what’s happened.”
Jessica slowly nodded, running her fingertips across the wooden surface of the table. “The only way I’ll come to terms with what happened to me is when I’m out competing again.”
He sensed there was something else, that she was holding something back. Jessica was staring past him; he guessed she was looking through the window even though the light was fading fast and it was almost dark. She was keeping secrets, just like he was.
“And then there’s Teddy.”
Nathan knew instantly who she was talking about, because he’d read all the news stories about her when it had happened. She