But not badly enough to go through with a marriage that had put her in the worst panic attack she’d had since she’d been a patient at Fernwood
She’d left Denver. She had no intention of going back. She’d had friends, but no one—other than Martin—who’d been truly close. Aside from him, she’d spent nearly all of her time teaching. Teaching during the regular year. Teaching during the summers.
And dwelling on it all accomplished nothing.
Martin was sending her money for her car, and she’d find something economical in Lucius. On Monday she would open a bank account in town, have her funds transferred from Colorado. She’d have enough to tide her through the summer, hopefully enough to accomplish the most necessary repairs on the house, if she was careful. And then…and then, she would see.
Concrete plans. Achievable goals. Such behavior had gotten her through a lot of years. She could do this.
She would do this.
“Laurel?”
She started, pressing her hand to her heart when it jolted. She turned to the doorway. She hadn’t seen Shane since she’d gone to his office. “What do you want, Sheriff?”
She didn’t need to see his expression clearly through the screen to know he was irritated. The way he yanked open the door and stepped inside told her that quite well enough.
He swept off his dark-brown cowboy hat and tapped it against the side of his leg. “What are you doing here?”
“Where else would I be?”
“You left town this morning.”
“How’d you know that?”
“The grapevine is as active now as it was when you were a girl. More so, I ’spose, considering half the town has cell phones now. You drove out of town and word spread.”
“And I wasn’t allowed back?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
She felt herself flush when she realized she was staring at his legs, strong and long and clad in fading blue jeans that fit extremely well. He looked delectable and she looked…as if she’d just spent a few hours on a bus. “I had to return the rental car in Billings.”
“How’d you get back to Lucius?”
“The bus.” Looking at his dark-blue pullover didn’t help her any, either, because the fabric did little to disguise the massively wide chest beneath.
She settled for focusing on the faint dent in his stubbornly square chin.
He tossed his hat and it landed unerringly on the corner of the coffee table, right next to a footed glass bowl of ugly plastic purple grapes. “For crissakes, Laurel. You could have called someone.”
She sank her teeth into her tongue for a moment. “Is it the bus you object to, or the fact that I didn’t remain out of town?”
“I never wanted you to leave town in the first place.”
“No, leaving was what you liked to do.” Her words seemed to hang in the air, giving her mortification plenty of time to set in good and deep.
If she’d wanted to prove that the brief past they’d shared was completely irrelevant to her now, she was doing a miserable job of it.
“Leaving is what I had to do,” he said finally. “If I’d have stayed, I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands to myself again. Not after we’d—”
“Stop.” Heat filled her face. She had only herself to blame for opening up the matter, but she really didn’t want to go into those details. “It was a long time ago. No need to rehash it.”
“Maybe not for you. I always meant to tell you that I was—”
“Please, this isn’t—”
“Sorry.”
“—necessary.”
He frowned at her, looking very much as if he had plenty more to say. After a moment, though, he just raked one long-fingered hand through his hair, ruffling the deep gold into soft spikes. “So you really do mean to stay while you work on this house.”
She could feel her scalp tightening. “Yes.”
“Despite what happened here.”
There was no possibility of pretending she didn’t know what he referred to.
“Was Holly in the hospital when she died?” she asked.
His eyes narrowed. “No.”
“Hospice care?”
“She was at home.” His voice was clipped.
“With your father.”
“Yes.”
“Did he leave his house after? Sell it?”
A muscle flexed in his jaw. “No.”
“And you still visit your dad there. At the house where you and your brother and sisters grew up.”
“Apples and oranges, Laurel. My father didn’t—” His teeth snapped together. “God. What is it about you that pushes me right off the edge of reason?”
She crossed her arms, stung. “Why don’t you just finish it, Sheriff? Your father didn’t kill your mother. And you believe—just like your predecessor, Sheriff Wicks—that my father killed mine. Well, he didn’t. Her death was an accident.” She dropped her arms and stepped closer to him, forcing the words past her tight throat. “I may have been stuck in a straitjacket five-hundred miles away, but even I knew the charges against my father were dropped. Sheriff Wicks obviously changed his mind. So why can’t you?”
“You were never in a straitjacket.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I visited you there.”
Shock reared her back. “I…what?”
He stepped past her, pacing the close confines between the faded couch and the equally faded rocking chair. He rounded the back of the couch. Stopped. Closed his palms over the back of it. “Guess I don’t have to ask if you remember that.”
She stared at him. His fingertips were white where they sunk into the faded floral upholstery.
“You…saw me there. At Fernwood.”
“Three times a week for three months.”
She couldn’t breathe. Her lips parted, but she simply could not draw a breath. She sat down on the rocker and pressed her forehead to her hands.
Everything she’d thought about him for all these years tilted.
She finally dragged oxygen into her lungs. “I didn’t know.”
“There was a sunroom there. Plenty of windows. A lot of fake palm trees planted in pots.”
She didn’t even have to close her eyes to recall the room. To this day she preferred any tree other than a palm. “It overlooked a parking lot. The nurses tried to brighten it up with the plants.”
“Right.”
She remembered the room, remembered so much of Fernwood.
But not his visits.
Which