Her brain ran into overdrive, trying to assimilate the one piece of news she’d never, ever expected to be told. Or wanted to hear. Her hands clenched in her trouser pockets. How could she work with the man who’d once sworn he loved her so much he’d broken his own vow and proposed before he’d finished his training?
The man who had not shown up for their wedding, leaving her looking a complete fool, shaking in her high heels and beautiful silk gown, clinging to her father’s arm as they’d stood on the top step ready to walk the aisle. To her love, her bright and exciting future.
They’d waited, and waited, she and her dad. Slowly her mother had joined them, then her four brothers had surrounded them, protecting her from the buzz of questions rising from the guests also waiting.
At the time she’d been frantic, thinking the worst, imagining him in a hospital bed after an accident, but he hadn’t been there. Or anywhere she’d called. It had been as though he’d vanished into thin air. Then late that night he’d called her from who knew where. It had been the call she’d have given anything not to receive.
‘Nik, I’m so sorry. About today, about everything. I won’t be marrying you. Not ever. I’m sorry.’ Fraser had choked and then the line had gone dead. As far as she knew, he hadn’t been seen in Blenheim since.
The pen in Nikki’s fingers shook, creating wonky lines as she filled in the weekly checklist for Blenheim One ambulance. Her teeth pressed into her top lip, inflicting a sharp pain. ‘What’s wrong with me this morning?’ She couldn’t blame the icy chill from the late winter frost blanketing Blenheim.
Fraser McCall. That’s what’s wrong.
‘I know.’ Her teeth dug harder.
So what are you going to say to him first? Hi, and welcome. Or, where’ve you been hiding for the past five years since you ran out on me?
‘Definitely not that. That’d be telling him how much I still care and that’s a non-starter.’
Since hearing from Mike that her worst nightmare was coming true she’d lived in dread of this day. Her stomach had been rioting continuously, barely tolerating even the tastiest food. The belt on her trousers was a notch tighter. Her mind had refused to shut down at night, giving a constant recital of all the reasons why she did not want to work with Fraser.
There’d been little sleep, causing her head to ache continuously. The headache pills she’d swallowed an hour ago hadn’t worked, as they hadn’t for the past eight days. And now her hands had started this crazy shaking that made her writing look like a two-year-old’s.
How challenging could working with Fraser be? How difficult was it to run a marathon over mountains with no preparation? Her hands shook harder. Mike had put them on the same four-day roster, and no amount of pleading had changed that. She’d even baked Mike’s favourite coffee and walnut cake, but had got zip, nada, nothing. At least she’d be working days while Fraser did the nights, and vice versa. Hopefully they’d only see each other at shift changeover. Still, far too often.
Toughen up. Use the opportunity to finally ask him why he left. Why he couldn’t face marrying you. Why he didn’t have the gumption to face up to you that day and tell you straight. Then you can tell him exactly how much you hurt at the time and that you’re now totally over him.
‘I am?’ Of course she was. ‘I’m older and wiser. I’ve learned not to trust as easily—which has to be a good thing, right?’ Whatever. But she did have her future all mapped out, which went to show how far she’d moved on from Fraser.
A lonely future without a husband or children of your own.
‘There’s a wee niece or nephew due in six months’ time. How cool’s that?’
Not the same as your own. True. One day she’d love to have a baby, to feel it grow inside her, to push it out into the world and then smother it in love.
‘Talking to yourself again?’ Mike asked from the internal garage door.
‘Only way to get a sensible answer,’ she quipped automatically, while bending down to check the tread on the rear tyres. She didn’t want Mike to see the pain and worry that must surely be swimming in her eyes.
‘You’re early. There’s fifteen minutes until you clock on at seven.’
‘I was up and ready so decided I might as well come in.’ She’d figured it would be better to already be working when Fraser arrived. That way she could acknowledge his presence and then immediately carry on with the job. She straightened up slowly, made a show of ticking another box.
‘Like you do that often.’ When she glanced across the garage, Mike’s calm, knowing smile beamed at her. ‘Our newest crew member’s also early.’
‘What?’ Fraser was here already? Shouldn’t she have sensed his presence? Breathe in deeply, breathe out. In, out. It was too soon to front up to him. She wasn’t ready. She’d never be ready. The next tick on the checklist skewed sideways. ‘Dang.’ She could do without this ridiculous thumping in her chest and the sudden lump blocking her throat. What did she say to him? It wasn’t as though they could ever become friends again. Could they? No, too much pain sat between them.
‘Nikki, you’ll be fine. Whatever your problem is with Fraser, you’re a very professional AP and I know you won’t let anything come between you and your job.’ Mike’s words soothed her a little. If he believed she could manage then she’d do her best to live up to his expectations.
‘I wish I was as confident as you.’ She’d even mentioned resigning to Mike a couple of days ago but he’d known it for the halfhearted gesture it had been. She loved working as an AP and this was the only full-time ambulance station within a hundred kilometres. Her plans for owning a catering business were for the future, not now when she could help so many people when they were ill or distressed.
Mike stepped closer, the concern in his eyes worrying. ‘Fraser’s in the tearoom. Come and have a coffee, break the ice while everyone’s around. You have to get past this moment, whatever’s causing it.’
Gulp. There was another option. She could run away. So you’re a coward now? Face it, Fraser can’t hurt you any more. That’s done and dusted. And he was the one who did the running away, remember? Pushing her shoulders back, sucking in another deep breath, she plonked the checklist down on the front seat of the ambulance and squeaked, ‘You’re right.’ She owed this man who’d given her a break and taken her on at a time when he’d had many applicants, some far more qualified than her. Tapping his shoulder, she gave a weak smile. ‘Thanks.’
At the tearoom door her shaky resolution backed off. Standing with his back to her, talking to Chloe and Ryan, who were about to take over on Blenheim Two for the day shift, was Fraser. Her first glimpse of him since she’d come home from Dunedin to get ready for their wedding, fully expecting him to follow her three weeks later.
Her heart bumped hard against her ribs as she drank in the sight of him. Fraser’s tall, lean body had morphed into a broader, more muscular version of the body she’d known intimately. On Fraser the very ordinary uniform looked like something out of a style magazine. The black pants hugged his mouth-watering butt in a way that made her fingers itch.
What had seemed difficult had just become darned near impossible. Right now her heart was squeezing tight with raw longing, and her eyes were filling as an alien tenderness overtook her. Transfixed, she drank in the sight of this man who’d dominated her thoughts one way or another for all her adult life.
She swallowed, hard. ‘Hello, Fraser.’
He turned slowly. Nervous? Unwilling to face her? It had never occurred to her over the past few days that he might find this situation as difficult as she was. But maybe he