Stunned, Joe stared, unable to take his eyes off the child.
Nikki curled her body protectively over the dark-haired baby and guided the small searching mouth back to her swollen nipple. She crooned and stroked the tiny cheek until the baby started to nurse again with a little huff of indignation.
Awkwardly Nikki tried to pull the blanket back over her shoulder with one hand.
“No, leave it.” He breathed the words, wonder displacing some of his anger. He pushed the blanket down farther so he could see more of the baby. He’d never seen anything more perfect. A feeling of awe and wonder bloomed in his chest.
She had the infant angled across her lap, tiny feet dangling just past the crook of her elbow. The baby’s lips looked pink against her white breast, and one perfect little fist curled against a small rounded cheek.
Nikki didn’t look at him. She continued to stroke the baby’s hair and rock from side to side.
“Is it mine?” Joe breathed the question, but he already knew the answer.
He had a child. Nikki had carried his baby for nine months. The baby had to be about three months old. All that time and she hadn’t told him.
A sharp stab of anger sliced through him. How could she keep something so important from him?
Finally she spoke. “Michael’s mine,” she said fiercely without looking up.
A boy. He had a son.
Overwhelmed, he stared at the baby, trying to take in the fact that Nikki had given birth to his child.
She’d known they’d made a baby for a year and never contacted him. He had seen her just this afternoon and she hadn’t said a word. If she hadn’t had the break-in, he still wouldn’t know.
Emotion came surging back in a hot rush. He took a step back, not trusting himself to keep his hands off her. He’d never put his hands on a woman in anger, but right now he wanted to shake Nikki.
“Galtero.” Joe glanced over his shoulder. McCully stood in the doorway.
“What?” he said, the agitation he felt plain in his voice.
Joe blocked his partner’s view while he covered Nikki and the baby.
“Joe, I need you downstairs. Now.”
In the worst way he wanted to turn a deaf ear to his partner but he knew it would be best if he left until he could get a grip on himself.
“Yeah, coming.” He took a deep breath to calm himself, then slid his hand under Nikki’s chin again and pulled her face up again until she had no choice but to look at him.
“Stay right here. I’m coming back.” He drew back the blanket and with a shaking hand he cupped his palm over his son’s head, his fingertips feeling the pulse beating in the soft spot on top of his son’s skull. “I’m coming back.”
Nikki watched him turn out the light and leave the room, her emotions a confusing jumble of dread and arousal. He was furious she hadn’t told him about the baby.
Stay here, he says, she thought bitterly. As if she had a choice. As if there were anyplace she could go.
Utterly weary, Nikki leaned her head back against the chair and closed her eyes. If she’d had a choice, she never would have come back to San Diego.
Resentment bubbled up. She’d told herself she was over him. He’d hurt her so badly a year ago. How could she still have feelings for him? But those treacherous emotions were still there. Her breast burned where he had touched her while stroking Michael’s head.
How could she hate him and want him at the same time? She must be crazy.
The baby stopped sucking. “Come on, Michael, just a little more.” She stroked her son’s cheek, urging him to eat.
No matter how out of control her life might be, she had to keep herself together. Her first responsibility was her child. He’d been fussy and she’d suspected he’d sensed her tension after Joe’s visit this afternoon.
Thank God she had gotten him to sleep upstairs before the break-in. She took a deep breath and exhaled, willing herself to relax.
Nikki looked up and once again saw Joe’s frame filling the doorway. The light from the hallway turned him into a menacing silhouette.
He slipped his hands into his pockets and leaned against the door frame, watching her. She could see the glint of his badge, clipped to the pocket of his jacket.
Finally he spoke. “What exactly did the men who broke in ask for?”
“Information about my father.” She was tired of the question. His partner, McCully, had already asked her a dozen times.
He stared at her hard before he spoke. “You didn’t tell them where he is.”
Near tears with frustration and fatigue, she snapped, “He’s dead.”
He must be dead, she thought desperately, or he would have let her know where he was. He wouldn’t have just abandoned her.
Joe continued to stare at her without moving.
Just the fact he was here and she remembered how good it felt when he’d held her in his arms unnerved her. The temptation to turn to him for comfort scared her. There was no way she could go down that road again and survive.
“Go away.” She felt brittle from the strain of coming home and the assault, but she had to stand up to him. If she sought the shelter of his arms her resolve would crumble and she’d be back where she’d been a year ago.
He ran his hand through his hair in a familiar gesture of frustration. “Nikki, be reasonable.”
Why was it whenever they differed, she was the unreasonable one? She felt herself being drawn into his argument, and she simply didn’t have the strength, emotionally or physically. She hadn’t fully recovered from a difficult pregnancy and nightmare birth.
“Go now, or I’ll call McCully and have you thrown out,” she threatened.
He had to leave. She couldn’t have him here, not when she didn’t trust herself.
“Why isn’t the alarm system working?” He never took his eyes off the baby.
She sighed and shifted the baby to a more comfortable position. She hadn’t expected him to listen to what she wanted. He wouldn’t leave until he got his way. The man was as stubborn as a mule, Nikki thought, suppressing the urge to howl with frustration.
She took a deep breath and brought Michael up to her shoulder to try and coax a burp from him. She’d be damned if she’d answer his question. It was none of his business that the alarm company had discontinued service when they hadn’t been paid. She didn’t have telephone service, either, and she had no money to have either service reconnected.
He gestured over his shoulder. “McCully will be done soon. I’ll go home and get a few things. I’m not leaving you alone.”
“I’ll be fine,” she said through clenched teeth, knowing as she spoke he was right about her vulnerability.
The two men could return, even though she couldn’t tell them what they’d demanded to know. The thought made her frantic. But so did the thought of Joe spending the night in her house.
As she calculated the danger, Joe shifted away from the door frame and took a step into the room. She avoided his gaze but could still feel his eyes on her.
“Nikki, what if they come back?” he said, his low voice vibrating with anger.
She clutched Michael as Joe gave voice to her fears. She brought her chin up, defensive. “Why should they? I can’t tell them anything.”
“What makes you think they believed you? You told McCully the sirens scared them off, remember?” he said