John Lee danced a moment, from Merideth to the playpen then back, trying to decide what to do. Finally he plopped the baby in the playpen and started out the back door. “Keep an eye on her,” he ordered, aiming a finger at Merideth’s nose. “I’ll be back before you can say scat.”
She stretched out a hand. “John Lee, wait! I—” The door slammed behind him.
The baby continued to wail, and Merideth closed her eyes and flattened her hands over her ears, trying to block out the sound—the same sound that haunted her dreams at night. In the dream, her baby, her son, cried out for her, his pitiful wails tugging at her heart. She would run, searching and searching, following the sound, but he always remained just out of sight, just out of her reach.
The crying continued, rising in intensity. As hard as she tried, Merideth couldn’t block out the sound. She forced open her eyes to find that the baby had knotted her fingers in the mesh sides of the playpen and was hauling herself to a wobbly stand. Fat, frustrated tears streaked down her face and dripped off her chin. Releasing her tentative hold on the mesh, the baby held out her arms to Merideth.
Emotion pushed at Merideth’s throat, choking her, while pain ripped through her chest like a knife, slashing at her heart.
She pressed her fists against her lips, fighting back the tears, until her knuckles turned as white as her face.
Oh, God, she begged silently, please help me. I can’t bear this. I can’t!
With a broken sob, she whirled and ran from the room.
John Lee stepped into the kitchen just as the front door slammed. Seconds later his Porsche’s powerful engine roared to life. Over it all he heard Cassie’s lusty squalls.
“Damn,” he muttered as he shoved the platter of steaks onto the counter. “Damn. Damn. Triple damn, hell!”
Merideth raced down the highway, the wind whipping her hair around to sting her face. Tears burned behind her eyes and clotted her throat, but she held them back. She wouldn’t cry. Not yet. With each shift of gears, she pushed the accelerator harder against the floor, trying to outrun the sound of the baby’s cries, the plea in the child’s watery eyes, the tiny arms stretched out to her.
But she couldn’t. They echoed in her mind and squeezed at her chest until she felt as if she were suffocating beneath them. Why had John Lee done this to her? she silently cried. She’d always known he was ornery, but she’d never known him to be cruel. Surely he must know how fresh her pain was, how difficult it would be for her to see another baby so soon after the loss of her own.
At look-out point, she spun the steering wheel to the left, careening onto the small paved space, then slammed on the brakes. Jerking on the emergency brake, she sank down in the seat, the pain in her chest deep and debilitating.
Her son. Her infant son.
She’d seen him only once, the glimpse as quick as the sweep of a butterfly’s wings, the memory hazy as if viewed through a winter morning’s fog. She’d never held him close to her heart, never cuddled him to her breast. Yet, she had yearned to. Oh, God, how she had yearned to.
The wad of emotion that filled her throat rose higher, choking her. With no one and nothing but the cactus and the rocks and the darkening sky to witness her grief, Merideth covered her face with her hands and let the tears fall.
Two
John Lee sat on the sofa in the McClouds’ living room with a sleeping Cassie cuddled against his chest. Mandy and Sam sat opposite him, the look in their eyes damning.
“I know it was the wrong thing to do,” he said regretfully. “Or at least I do now. But I swear I was only trying to help Merideth. I thought if she and Cassie met up, they might be good for each other. You know, both of them having suffered a loss, and all.”
He sighed in frustration when Sam and Mandy continued to glare at him. Hell. He’d said he was sorry. What was there left to say?
The roar of his Porsche on the drive outside saved him from having to make any more attempts at an apology, for it made both Sam and Mandy leap to their feet He stood, too, and stretched out his free arm to stop them from rushing to the door. “If you girls don’t mind,” he said, “I’d like to talk to her first.”
The two exchanged a glance, then stepped back, silently indicating their agreement.
“In private,” he added. He held out the sleeping baby to Mandy. “Would you mind looking after Cassie for me while I talk to Merideth?”
Mandy stretched out her arms, her expression softening as she took Cassie from him.
Sam continued to glare at him. “If you upset her again, John Lee, I swear I’ll—”
He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m not going to do anything but apologize. You have my word.”
Not wanting her sisters hovering over Merideth while he made his amends, John Lee headed for the front door and the porch beyond, hoping to intercept Merideth before she reached the house.
Dusk had settled over the landscape since his arrival, leaving the porch in long shadows. He paused there among them, watching Merideth’s approach, noting the droop of her shoulders, the heaviness in her step. He wished he could see her expression, too, but her hair curtained her face and dark sunglasses masked her eyes.
When she reached the foot of the porch steps, he took a deep breath and stepped from the shadows. She froze at the sight of him, then firmed her lips and started past him.
John Lee took a step sideways, blocking her way. “I’d like to talk to you, if I could,” he said quietly. “To explain.”
“There’s nothing you have to say that I want to hear.” She started to go around him again, but this time John Lee caught her arm, holding her in place. When she tried to twist free, he tightened his grip, his fingers digging into her flesh.
“Five minutes, Merideth. That’s all I ask.”
She yanked off her sunglasses to glare at him. “That’s right, John Lee. When charm fails, use muscle. Isn’t that what you cowboys usually do to get your way?”
More than her words, it was the red, puffy eyes and the tracks of tears through her makeup that made John Lee release his hold on her. “I’m sorry, Merideth. I never meant to upset you.”
Fresh tears welled in her eyes and she fought them back. She wouldn’t let him see her cry. “Apology accepted. Now go home to your baby and leave me the hell alone.”
“She’s not my baby.”
Already turning for the house, Merideth stopped.
“She’s my niece.”
Slowly she turned to face him. “Sissy’s baby?”
“Yeah.”
Though the news surprised her, it didn’t soften Merideth’s anger with John Lee. She lifted her chin, her look one of contempt. “I always considered Sissy intelligent, but she certainly has displayed poor judgment in her choice of babysitters.”
John Lee heaved a sigh. “I’m not baby-sitting. I’m Cassie’s guardian. Sissy’s dead.”
The blood slowly drained from Merideth’s face. “Dead?” she repeated in a hoarse whisper.
John Lee thinned his lips, fighting back the emotion, the memory. “Yeah. She was killed in a motorcycle accident a little over a month ago.”
“Oh, John Lee,” she murmured, “I didn’t know.” She pressed a hand against her heart, remembering the towheaded little girl who had shadowed her big brother’s every step from the time she could walk. “I’m so sorry. You