Except for her.
He shoved that thought in the background. He didn’t like to think of Anna that way, and in general he didn’t.
Sure, in high school, there had been moments. But he was a guy. And he had spent a lot of time with Anna. Alone in her room, alone in his. He had a feeling that half the people who had known them had imagined they were getting it on behind the scenes. Friends with benefits, et cetera. In reality, the only benefit to their friendship had been the fact that they’d been there for each other. They had never been there for each other in this way.
Maybe that’s what was wrong with him.
Of course, nothing felt wrong with him right now. Right now, pleasure was crackling close to the surface of his skin and it was shorting out his brain. All he could do was sit back and ride the high. Embrace the sensations that were boiling through his blood. The magic of her lips and tongue combined with a shocking scrape of her teeth against his delicate skin made him buck his hips against her even as he tried to rein himself in.
But he was reaching the end of his control, the end of himself. He reached down, cupping her cheek as she continued to pleasure him, as she continued to drive him wild, urging him closer to the edge of control he hadn’t realized he possessed.
He felt like he lived life with the shackles off, but she was pushing him so much further than he’d been before that he knew he’d been lying to himself all this time.
He’d been in chains, and hadn’t even realized it.
Maybe because of her. Maybe to keep himself from touching her.
She gripped him, squeezing as she tasted him, pushing him straight over the edge. He held on to her hair, harder than he should, as a wave of pleasure rode up inside of him. And when it crashed he didn’t ride it into shore. Oh, hell no. When it crashed it drove him straight down to the bottom of the sea, the impact leaving him spinning, gasping for breath, battered on the rocks.
But dammit all, it was worth it. Right now, it was worth it.
He knew that any moment the feeling would fade and he would be faced with the stark horror of what he’d just done, of what he’d just allowed to happen. But for now, he was foggy, floating in the kind of mist that always blanketed the ocean on cold mornings in Copper Ridge.
And he would cling to it as long as possible.
* * *
Oh, dear God. What had she done? This had gone so far beyond the kiss to prove they had chemistry. It had gone so far past the challenge that Chase had thrown down last night. It had gone straight into Crazy Town, next stop You Messed Up the Only Friendship You Hadville.
In combination with the swirling panic that was wrapping its claws around her and pulling her into a spiral was the fuzzy-headed lingering arousal. Her lips felt swollen, her body tingling, adrenaline still making her shake.
She regretted everything. She also regretted nothing.
The contradictions inside her were so extreme she felt like she was going to be pulled in two.
One thing her mind and body were united on was the desire to go hide underneath a blanket. This was definitely the kind of situation that necessitated hiding.
The problem was, she was still on her knees in front of Chase. Maybe she could hide under his chair.
What are you doing? Why are you falling apart? This isn’t a big deal. He has probably literally had a thousand blow jobs.
This one didn’t have to be that big a deal. Sure, it was the first one she had ever given. But he didn’t have to know that, either.
If she didn’t treat it like a big deal, it wouldn’t be a big deal. They could forget anything had ever happened. They could forget that in a moment of total insanity she had allowed her anger to push her over the edge, had allowed her inability to back down from a challenge to bring them to this place. And that was all it was—the fact that she was absolutely unable to deal with that blow to her pride. It was nothing else. It couldn’t be anything else.
She rocked back on her heels, planting her hands flat on the dusty ground before rising to her feet. She felt dizzy. She would go ahead and blame that on the speed at which she had stood up.
“I think it’s safe to say we have a little bit more chemistry than you thought,” she said, clearing her throat and brushing at the dirt on her pants.
He didn’t say anything. He just kept sitting there, looking rocked. And he was still exposed. She did her very best to look at the wall behind him. “I can still see your...”
He scrambled into action, standing and tugging his pants into place, doing up his belt as quickly as possible. “I think we’re done for the day.”
She nodded. “Yeah. Well, you are.”
She could feel the distance widening between them. It was what she needed, what she wanted, ultimately. But for some reason, even as she forced the breach, she regretted it.
“I don’t... What just happened?”
She laughed, crossing her arms and cocking her hip out to the side. “If you have to ask, maybe I didn’t do a very good job.” The bolder she got, the more she retreated inside. She could feel herself tearing in two, the soft vulnerable part of her scrambling to get behind the brash, bold outward version that would spare her from any embarrassment or pain.
“You’re...okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“Because you just...”
She laughed. Hysterically. “Sure. But let’s not be ridiculous about it. It isn’t like you punched me in the face.”
Chase looked stricken. “Of course not. I would never do that.”
“I know. I’m just saying, don’t act like you punched me in the face when all I did was—”
“There’s no need to get descriptive. I was here. I remember.”
She snorted. “You should remember.” She turned away from him, clenching her hands into fists, hoping he didn’t notice that they were shaking. “And I hope you remember it next time you go talking about us not having chemistry.”
“Do you want us to have chemistry?”
She whirled around. “No. But I have some pride. You were comparing me to all these other women. Well, compare that.”
“I...can’t.”
She planted her hands on her hips. “Damn straight.”
“We can’t... We can’t do this again,” he said, shaking his head and walking away.
For some reason, that made her feel awful. For some reason, it hurt. Stabbed like a rusty knife deep in her gut.
“I don’t want to do it again. I mean, you’re welcome, but I didn’t exactly get anything out of it.”
He stopped, turning to face her, his expression tense. “I didn’t ask you to do anything.”
“I’m aware.” She shook her head. “I think we’re done for tonight.”
“Yeah. I already said that.”
“Well,” she said, feeling furious now, “now I’m saying it.”
She was mad at herself. For taking it this far. For being upset, and raw, and wounded over something that she had chosen to do. Over his reaction, which was nothing more than the completely predictable response. He didn’t want her. Not really.
And she knew that. This evening’s events weren’t going to change it. An orgasm on the floor of the shop she rented from him was hardly going to alter