She was tempted to go to the off-licence she’d seen on Shaftesbury Avenue to buy a bottle of scotch, but that would only make her a casualty of the situation again; something she’d fought so hard over the years to avoid. She’d come to London to try to find out the truth, she’d found out so little over the years but from the one lead she’d managed to find, she hoped finally she was in the right place and drowning herself in alcohol – which she’d done for too long now – had victim written all over the label.
Wiping away a tear, Casey decided the best thing she could do was try to get some sleep; she’d a busy day ahead of her. Undressing rather unsteadily and checking there weren’t any nasty creepy crawlies wanting to share the bed with her, Casey lay down and closed her eyes. But within a moment the unwanted memories came running into her head.
‘It’s best this way, Casey, you’ll see.’
‘Best for who, Mum?’
‘For everybody.’
‘But it’s not. It’s only best for you and Dad. Please, I know I’ll be able to look after it, just give me a chance. Let me keep my baby.’
‘Casey, you don’t know what you’re talking about. A baby isn’t something you can put away in a drawer once you get bored of it. I know it seems hard at the moment but later on you’ll thank us and realise we were just doing what’s best. You’ll be able to go on and make a life for yourself, get a career and get married. You’ll have the chance to have more children one day and put all this business out of your mind. I doubt you even know who the father is.’
‘Of course I do, but I’m not telling you.’
Her mother snorted in disgust. She wasn’t going to tell her who it was; she could think what she liked. Granted, Paul was just a boy at school – he hadn’t been the love of her life, but he wasn’t the one-night stand her mother thought he was. They’d dated for a few months until he’d moved to Swansea with his parents. She hadn’t bothered to keep in touch with him and when she found out she was pregnant, she certainly had no desire to complicate anything further by adding him to the equation. So her mother could continue to think she spent her time jumping into bed with strangers; Casey knew whatever she said she wouldn’t be believed anyway.
She spoke with as much hostility as she could conjure up between the painful contractions.
‘I’m not like you, Mum; I’m not going to pretend things aren’t happening because it’s easier. Maybe that’s what you can do with Dad but I can’t.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean, young lady?’
‘You know exactly. Dad’s been shagging about for as long as I can remember. And you know something? I don’t blame him one little bit.’
The pain of the slap on Casey’s cheek from her mother stung less than the pain from the hurt and humiliation it caused. The midwives rushed forward and started to usher Casey’s mother out of the room.
‘No Mum, please stay! Can you let her stay please?’
The Chinese midwife first looked at Casey and then her mother before speaking.
‘You can stay if she wants you to.’
‘Mum?’
Casey watched her mother’s eyes narrow and a stony expression appear on her face as another contraction began to take hold.
‘It’s fine. My daughter’s made her feelings abundantly clear. I’m sure she’ll manage just exceptionally on her own. She always does.’
‘Mum please, don’t go! Mum! Please, I’m scared!’
The banging of the labour room door reverberated round the little room. Less than an hour later Casey’s 9lb 8oz baby was born.
‘Can I see? Is everything okay?’
‘Everything’s fine, Casey, you did really well.’
‘Please can I see?’
The midwife looked sympathetically as she spoke.
‘It’s probably best you don’t; it’ll make it easier.’
The tears poured down Casey’s face as she begged the midwife in charge to listen to her.
‘Please, at least tell me if it’s a boy or a girl.’ It was the second time the labour room door had banged shut but it this time the noise sounded even louder to Casey as it hung in the air, mixed in parts with her scream.
Casey jolted herself up out of bed. She refused to lie there all night being melancholic. Moving back to the living room she started to search in her bag, hoping there was still some vodka left in the bottle she kept tucked away in case of emergencies.
CHAPTER SIX
‘I’ll give you fucking strict orders, mate.’ Janine Jennings’s face was red with anger as she pushed the bouncer in his chest, using the full force of her weight.
‘Let me fucking past, you great big lump of cunt.’
Vaughn smiled at Janine’s foul language. He’d known her for as long as he’d known Alfie and even though most of the time she tried to behave like an Essex princess sitting in her eight-bedroom mansion, the real East End girl came shining through when it mattered.
‘Now what’s all this?’
Janine turned at the sound of the familiar voice and saw Vaughn Sadler standing there with a bedraggled Emmie.
‘Where the fuck have you been, young lady? You’ve had me worried out of me bleedin’ mind. I drove up here like a bitch out of hell when I got your father’s message. You’ve got some explaining to do.’
‘I’m sorry Mum, I thought …’
‘You thought? Fuck me, Em, that’ll be a first.’
‘Don’t be too hard on her Jan; she’s had a bit of a rough evening.’
‘Hard on her, Vaughnie? She don’t know the meaning of it. Her father treats her like her shit’s made out of gold. I nearly choked on me fucking biryani when I got the message she was up West, and then when I got here this cunt said I can’t go in my own husband’s club!’
Vaughn saw Emmie start to cry again and he gave her a big hug, feeling sorry for her. He loved spending time with his goddaughter and he found her to be a sweet girl who was often overshadowed by Janine’s loving, but domineering personality.
Vaughn looked at the bouncer, who shrugged apologetically at him. He guessed Alfie had given him strict orders not to allow Janine in and it was probably worth more than the bouncer’s life to go against them.
It was a comedy club open to the public but he also knew it was a front for Alfie’s other business dealings. No doubt he didn’t want his wife poking around upstairs where he stashed a lot of his stolen goods.
Vaughn felt Emmie shiver and he brought her in closer to the warmth of his body. Alfie had asked him to take Emmie back to the club but now Janine had arrived he wasn’t quite sure what to do. He looked first at Emmie and then at Janine and decided to take matters into his own hands; as long as he kept an eye on Jan, it wouldn’t do any harm to take her inside. They could sit in the back room together until Alfie came back.
‘It’s