‘But you pushed him away when you needed him most.’ Alice holds up her hands when I glare at her. ‘That’s all I’m going to say on the matter.’
This isn’t the first time I’ve heard Alice say this. I’ve heard it time and again and, like always, I shake my head.
‘It was never going to work out between us. I hadn’t been happy for a long time.’
This isn’t strictly true, but Alice can’t prove otherwise.
‘And what about your relationships since?’
‘What other relationships? I haven’t been on more than a handful of dates with anybody in the past year.’
‘Exactly!’ Alice throws me a triumphant look. I return a withering one. ‘Do you know the maximum number of dates you’ve allowed yourself with any one guy?’
I shrug and emit a long sigh. ‘I don’t know. Six? Seven?’
‘Three.’ Alice leaves a pause to allow it to sink in. ‘Three dates. Nobody gets a fourth, because you always find a reason to end it, whether it’s because he wants you to meet his parents, or wears a beanie hat indoors, or watches Hollyoaks.’
All valid reasons, I think.
‘But it isn’t about them,’ Alice says before I can defend myself. ‘It’s about you and your fear of allowing anybody to get close.’
I scoff. I fiddle with my cutlery. But I don’t disagree.
‘Ever since your mum…’
‘No, Alice.’ My voice is sharper than I intend, but I have to put a stop to it. I won’t talk about her. Not here, not now.
‘I’m sorry,’ Alice says, but I’ve already scraped back my chair and am striding from the room.
I take a moment to compose myself, perching on the stone steps while I take deep, calming breaths. I know Alice means well, that she wants what’s best for me, but I need her to back off, to let me live the life I want to. Need to. Because matching me up with a man isn’t going to fix me. There’s a reason I hold back, why I guard myself so fiercely.
‘Is it the food or the company?’
I turn at the sound of the voice, looking up to see the guy who’d helped me with the suitcases earlier. He’s at the top of the steps, looking down with a bemused smile twitching at his lips.
‘Sorry?’
‘The reason you’re hiding out here. Is it the food or the company?’
I push my mouth into what vaguely resembles a smile. ‘Neither. Just needed a bit of fresh air.’
‘Should I leave you alone?’ He indicates the door, which he’s been holding open with his shoulder, and starts to back inside the castle.
‘No, it’s fine.’ I stand up and brush down the skirt of my dress. ‘I should be getting back inside anyway. Alice will be wondering where I am.’
‘Yes, that’s right.’ His face lights up as I climb the steps. ‘You’re a friend of Alice’s. How is she? I haven’t seen her for ages. Not since…’ The smile vanishes from his face. ‘Well, you know.’
No, actually, I don’t. What the hell happened the last time Alice was here? People keep hinting at it, but I haven’t got a clue. It must have been something big to keep Alice away from her beloved castle. I’ll grill her later and find out the goss.
I follow him inside the castle and the sound as we near the dining room is incredible. The room has started to fill now and the dozens of conversations taking place are reaching a crescendo.
‘Do you know where you’re sitting?’ he asks, and I nod, pointing at the table where Alice and I were seated earlier. The table has filled up, though Alice is no longer there. ‘I’m over there.’ He points further down the room. ‘But I’ll find you later, in the ballroom?’ He waits until I’ve nodded in agreement – it would seem churlish to do anything other than agree – before striding off to find his seat. I sit down at the table, shooting awkward smiles at my dinner companions. The only person I recognise is Mr Cravat, though he’s removed the neckwear by now.
‘I mean, it’s got to be a sick joke, right?’ one of the women is saying to her neighbour. ‘Seating us with her.’ She presses a hand to her throat, where a diamond pendant is catching the light. ‘Keep an eye on your valuables, that’s all I’ll say.’
‘Oh, absolutely.’ Her neighbour nods, one hand covering a giant emerald ring on the middle finger of the other.
‘Ssh!’ the woman suddenly hisses. ‘Here she comes.’
I follow their gaze and almost laugh out loud when I realise it’s Alice they’re tracking across the room. They’re worried about Alice? Alice, the loveliest, most generous person I know? Ridiculous! I’m offended on my best friend’s behalf and am about to put them straight when Alice stops suddenly, her eyes widening when she clocks the looks of distrust on our dinner companions’ faces. She hesitates for a moment, as though she’s contemplating turning around and retracing her steps out of the room, but then pushes forward swiftly, a smile forced into place.
‘There you are. I’ve been looking for you.’ She drops down into the seat next to me, her gaze fixed firmly on my face. ‘I’m sorry about before.’
‘It’s okay.’ My eyes flick towards the two women, who are looking on with deep suspicion, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. What is going on? ‘Don’t worry about it.’
‘I think they’re about to start serving.’ Alice is now looking down at the tablecloth, her fingers playing with the napkin, unfolding its elaborate design and smoothing it down into a boring old square.
‘Do you know what?’ the woman announces loudly. ‘I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.’ She scrapes back her chair and stands, looking down at Alice, who is refolding the napkin, though not in its original shape. ‘I can’t imagine why.’
She strides away, followed quickly by her neighbour, leaving the table in awkward silence. Even a couple of nearby tables have quietened so they can observe the drama. The bloke sitting next to me starts to whistle with fake nonchalance while Mr Cravat is taking a great interest in his fingernails.
I lean in close to Alice and whisper, ‘What was that all about?’
She sneaks a peek up from her napkin-pleating and I’m stunned when I notice the tears pooling in her eyes.
‘It’s nothing.’ She attempts a smile. And fails. ‘I’ll explain it all later.’ She gives another valiant attempt at a smile and almost succeeds this time. ‘So, our mission…’ I give her a blank look. ‘To find your Prince Charming.’
‘Oh. That.’ I should have known there was little that could distract Alice from the task at hand. ‘What about it?’
‘Is there anybody you’ve seen so far who’s piqued your interest, even mildly?’ She looks around the table, frowns, and looks further afield, craning her neck to see who’s on offer.
‘I quite like the look of the suit of armour in the entrance hall. I bet Old Rusty would show me a good time.’ I’m joking, trying to cheer her up after the awkward moment, but Alice isn’t amused by my fooling around. Her lips are pressed very tightly together as she turns to face me again.
‘His name is Wallace.’
‘You named the suit of armour?’
‘Yes.’ Alice gives me a look that suggests I’m the crazy one. But then her face brightens and she gasps. ‘I’ve got it! I know who’ll be perfect for you. He’s so charming. And handsome. And kind.’
‘But