“This is precisely why I don’t encourage staff to bring their personal lives into work.” He gets up from his chair and comes to stand in front of me. “Lover’s tiff was it?”
I turn, I’ve had enough and I don’t have to take this, but he grabs my wrist roughly. His grip is tight and it hurts. I stop struggling as he spins me around.
“Don’t think you can flaunt your little affair in front of me and get away with it.” For a moment I wonder if he’s going to lash out at me. What on earth does he mean? “I’m not the jealous type. I have more to offer you than Alex could ever hope to have.”
“Please let me go.” My voice is strong and I hold his gaze without fear. “Or I will scream.” I don’t think he realises he has me in a vice-like grip and when he lets go he too seems shocked by what just happened. I turn and run out of the office, down the corridor, grab my things and leave.
My heart is pounding and my eyes are filling with tears that threaten to obscure my vision as I leave the building. It’s over, I’m done.
“Sheena, its Ceri.” The tears muffle my voice and it takes her a few moments to recognise who is calling.
“Ceri, what’s going on?”
“I need to escape for a few days, are you at home?”
“No, I’m on the outskirts of Paris. I’m working on some legal documents at the moment,” she answers with concern in her voice. “You aren’t okay, are you?”
“My life is falling apart. I’ve walked out on my job and Alex has disappeared.”
“What the heck… look, if you can hang on for twenty-four hours a colleague of mine is leaving the UK tomorrow for an evening tunnel crossing. He’s taking over the case I’m working on while I’m on a week’s leave. I’ll contact him, I’m sure he won’t mind having someone along for the journey. Don’t switch your phone off and pack enough for at least a week.” The line disconnects and I throw myself on the bed, absolutely distraught at how quickly things can go from bad to worse.
Alex doesn’t answer his phone and I give myself a deadline. If I can’t contact him before my lift arrives tomorrow afternoon, then I will take that as a sign. I won’t lay bare my heart for a man who believes I’m throwing myself at him. At least I can make common-sense out of Mason’s outburst. He thought I’d do anything for a promotion and at least he has a reason to be bitter, even if it’s totally unreasonable. But Alex knows I’m not a bad person and I don’t throw myself at men. He’s the only one night stand I’ve ever had and I’ve only slept with two men before him. Both were relationships that, at the time, I felt might go somewhere. But I was rather naïve and assumed anyone who cared enough to sleep with me would understand the sensitive side of my nature. That wasn’t the case.
***
“I can’t believe he said that to you,” Sheena sounds angry on my behalf. “Who the hell does he think he is?”
I can’t help but defend him, even though I’m hurt. “There’s something not right Sheena. Alex is usually such a sensitive guy. Maybe he started to feel something for me and then felt guilty about this person he says he loves. It’s painful when you offer your heart to someone and they reject you. I know that for a fact.”
Sheena puts an arm around my shoulder and squeezes.
“Whatever, Ceri. You still don’t deserve to be treated that way. Mason is another story of course and you can’t get hung up on that. But Alex, well, I’m surprised and very sorry it should turn out this way.”
I take a few deep breaths, determined that I’m not going to start crying again.
“What can I do? I have to work today and tomorrow, but after that we can head off to one of the small towns on the north coast. There are some lovely beaches and we can do some walking, blow away those cobwebs.” Sheena pushes away the hair that’s fallen over my cheek. “I am so sorry my darling girl, you don’t deserve this and I won’t let him make you feel you are a victim. If he has a problem then he has to deal with it. You’ve been through enough already.”
I lean against the pillows on the bed, watching Sheena as she heads for the door. “I’ll be back before you know it. Ring down for room service, the menu is on the table. Try to rest. There are a couple of books in my suitcase if you want to read.”
As the door closes behind her I turn on my side and let the tears flow. I love you, Alex, and I know you are the one. Where are my angels? Why aren’t you here when I need you?
It’s the last thing in my head before I drift off into a deep and uneasy sleep.
I pop another pill, washing it down with a swig from the wine glass on the floor next to the bed. The room looks like a tornado has hit it; I roll over and sink into a deep sleep.
Ceri is there, slumped against a low wall, resting. Maybe she’s observing one of her angels. The wind is playing with her hair, but she’s oblivious to it whipping around in front of her face. She isn’t moving and I realise her hands are almost blue with cold. My senses are screaming that something is wrong. She’s dead. I cry out her name but then sleep claims me again, which doesn’t make sense. I feel awake, if not alert, and I struggle to raise my level of consciousness to that place where I can make sense of what’s happening.
“It’s wrong, you know that. You shouldn’t get involved and you need to back off.” The voice is either above or behind me, I can’t tell, and there is no physical presence attached to it. Is this all in my mind or is it a part of my dream? I’m trying to find Ceri, but I can’t see her now. Is she alright? Is she alone? Why do I feel a terrible sense of emptiness? I need you Ceri, where are you?
***
Mason looks up, surprised to see me. “You’re fired,” he utters, barely able to look me in the face.
“I know; if I wasn’t, I’d quit anyway. You’re a piece of work, Mason, but I doubt anyone has the balls to tell you that to your face. Do you know where Ceri is?” It’s not so much a question, more of a demand.
“I have no idea, she’s fired too.”
“Well that’s good news then.” I throw the words over my shoulder on my way out of the door.
No one in the office seems to know anything at all about where Ceri might be. I’ve been to her apartment a dozen times and there’s no sign of anyone being there for the last few days. I’ve left a dozen messages on her mobile and put two letters through her door begging her to give me a call and let me explain. But what can I tell her? That for some reason I can’t be with her and I don’t know why? It doesn’t make sense to me and it won’t make sense to her.
The dreams are getting worse and every one is a warning. Something is telling me that I’m a danger to Ceri for some reason. That’s why I have to keep away, but I can’t. I’ve tried and it doesn’t work, I keep getting drawn back because something here, deep inside of me, needs to be with her. I thought