Erica shuffled in her sleeping bag, turning towards the wall as a single tear escaped her eye.
Day 2
Noah
The camp was bigger in the daylight. Beside the five huts Noah had seen only by the headlights of the minibus the previous evening sat the large pyramid-shaped Lavvu tent where they’d eaten a breakfast of steaming hot porridge, washed down with bitter black coffee.
Beyond the huts and the tent, snow blanketed the ground in every direction so that there was no way to see where one boundary finished and another started. Sparse spindly trees dotted the landscape like skeleton scarecrows. A small mound of white teetered on the top of every branch, weighing on the thinnest of the twigs so they drooped mournfully towards the ground.
Every so often a flurry of dog barks broke the still, icy morning air. The noise carried from the other side of the camp where rows of kennels – smaller versions of their own accommodation with wire-fenced runs – stretched out in two long lines. Beyond the kennels was a two-storey house and a large barn or storage shed.
The sun was hidden by the same grey cloud that had covered the night sky, but the day was bright and Noah’s eyes squinted half shut as if the snow shone brighter here than the sun ever could. Looking at the shadowed dark grey mountains of rock jutting out of the white ground in the distance, and the trees dead with winter, it was hard to believe that this part of the world would ever feel the kiss of life from spring, let alone a summer that would cover the trees in rich green leaves.
The snow’s brightness prodded at the ache in Noah’s head as he stepped away from the tent and breathed in a gulping mouthful of cold air that he swore coated a frost on his lungs.
The cold and the bright daylight did nothing to shake the fog from Noah’s mind. The moment they’d all finished their breakfast Lee and Valek had launched into a four-hour safety tutorial and demonstration on how to use the equipment they’d be taking with them across the Arctic.
Noah had tried to listen, he really had, but there was no solace in Lee and Valek’s words, no distraction from the nightmare that had followed him to Norway. Flashes – half real, half nightmare – had bombarded his head with an all-consuming violence. It had taken all of his energy not to run into the snow, but to sit at the back of the Lavvu, to be still, to be normal. All the while goose bumps had shivered across his skin inside the insulated snow gear as if his mind had convinced his body that he was right back there, lying on the cold wet concrete clinging desperately, oh so desperately, to life.
Yes, Noah had tried to listen, but there was no distraction from those flashes, or the sound of his screams drilling in his eardrums.
The muffled scrunch of snow brought Noah’s thoughts back to the day.
Rachel sidled up beside him, hooking her arm through his. Along with the royal blue snow jacket with its fur-lined hood, and the black padded trousers they’d all been given, Rachel had a cream knitted bobble hat pulled low over her ears so that only an inch of blonde hair stuck out.
‘Are you ignoring me?’ Rachel asked.
Noah sighed inwardly. The temptation not to answer was overwhelming. He shook his head. ‘It was a bad night.’
‘Oh.’
He could feel the disappointment radiating from her body. Had she really thought it would be as easy as leaving London?
‘Are we meeting the dogs now?’ he asked.
‘Yes.’ Rachel fixed him with a quizzical stare, like she had something to say, or something to ask, but thought better of it. ‘The puppies too. Do you think anyone will notice if I slip one in my luggage?’
Noah ignored her question and tried to remember what Lee had said about handling the dogs. Something about walking on their hind legs in the snow – that didn’t seem right, did it? Dogs didn’t walk on two legs.
Every piece of information delivered by the two leaders had been given with the same warning: This is important. This will save your life. To hell with it, Noah thought, giving up trying to recall what he was supposed to do. It wasn’t like he cared that much about his life any more.
Only one instruction had stuck, probably because Lee had said it at least a dozen times. ‘Don’t let go of the sled. Ever. The dogs are trained to run, and once they start they won’t stop, whether you’re holding on or not, and you’ll never get them back again if you fall off.’
‘Cheer up,’ Rachel said, stretching up to plant a kiss on his cheek. Her lips were warm on his skin but he didn’t reciprocate. ‘Are you still pissed about last night?’ she asked.
Noah thought about her comment in the hut, and Molly’s outburst. God knows why he’d bothered to defend Rachel after she’d skipped off to the bathroom. Less than a few hours into the trip and she’d already alienated herself and him from the rest of the group.
They’d awoken to a chill in the air that had had just as much to do with the tension between the four of them as it did the freezing temperatures. Noah had no idea why Molly and Erica seemed to be fighting too, but it made his and Rachel’s relationship look almost normal.
Rachel’s attempts to pretend everything in group B was fine bordered on delusional. The way she’d chirped away to him in the bunks as if the others weren’t there only added to the headache Noah had woken with, and now he couldn’t remember a damn thing about what he was supposed to be doing.
‘You didn’t have to be so mean,’ Noah said eventually.
Rachel stepped away and looked up at his face. ‘I was only messing around. You know – making a joke? Having a laugh? I wouldn’t have bothered if I’d have known they were as miserable as you.’
She strode away in the direction of the kennels. For a moment he considered catching up with her and making up. It wouldn’t take much. An arm around her shoulder. Another thank you. Rachel had put up with a lot from him. Her expectations for him, the amount of physical contact, how much they spoke, they were … well … they weren’t much.
But with the throbbing in his head, his resentment outweighed his gratitude today. So she’d stuck by him through the worst and darkest time of his life. When had he asked her to do that? Never. If anything, there’d been days – hell, there’d been entire weeks – when he’d begged her to leave him, when her face and her constant presence in his life were a reminder of who he’d been before, what he was now, not to mention why he’d changed.
A sudden movement behind him startled Noah. He jumped to the side and twisted around with his arms up ready to protect himself.
Erica smiled. She glanced at his gloved hands, raised in defence. ‘You OK?’
Get a grip, man. He never used to be so easily rattled.
‘Sure.’ Noah lowered his arms and tried to remember what a normal conversation sounded like. With the exception of the kids in class 4B, Rachel was the only person he spoke to day to day, and well, there was nothing normal about that. ‘It’s a lot to take in.’
‘That’s true, but I meant with your girlfriend.’ She shook her head. ‘Sorry, fiancée.’
‘Oh.’ Noah stared after Rachel. She was laughing with one of the teenage boys from the other group. ‘It’s complicated. Rachel really is a nice person. What she says and how she comes across sometimes isn’t the real Rachel. I’ve put her through a lot. It’s not really her fault; it’s mine.’
‘I know that feeling,’ Erica said with a wry smile.
Noah glanced at Erica. Her skin was a pearly white against her dark red hair and the spray of deep orange freckles across her nose. She was older than him – late thirties, he guessed, but confident too. Erica was the type of woman