45. GAZE SUPERIORITY—All over the world, studies have shown that high-status individuals engage in more eye contact, while both speaking and listening. Less powerful people tend to make more eye contact with these higher-status individuals while listening but less while speaking. In Japan as well as other Asian Pacific countries this is even more pronounced. Incidentally, we tend to favor individuals who make direct eye contact with us, especially if they are of higher status. Eye contact from high social status individuals, movie stars, for instance, makes us feel favored.
46. EYE-CONTACT SEEKING—When we are interested in starting a conversation, whether in a social or a dating environment, we will actively scan until we make eye contact that says “I am here—please talk to me.”
47. GAZE AND SENTIMENTS—Around the world, those who study dating cues have noted that oftentimes the first clue that people’s feeling for each other have changed is how they look at each other. Long before words are exchanged, the look of increased interest telegraphs that the relationship is changing from friendly to more intimate. How Julie Andrews (as Maria) began to change the way she looked at Christopher Plummer (Captain Von Trapp) in the movie The Sound of Music or how Emma Stone (Mia) changed the way she looked at Ryan Gosling’s character (Sebastian) in La La Land is emblematic of how our gaze changes to reflect our changing sentiment before our words do. It is true in real life as well as in the movies.
48. GAZE ENGAGING—This is a behavior intended to get the attention of another person in a warm or romantic way. What makes this behavior stand out is the softness of the face and the repeated attempts to connect, eye to eye, always with a gentleness of the eyes, face, and mouth. We most often see this in dating settings, where it lets the other person know you are interested in further contact or proximity. I have seen strangers engage gazes across broad spaces, communicating their yearning.
49. GAZING VERSUS STARING—There is a big difference between gazing at someone and staring at someone. Staring tends to be more impersonal, distant, or confrontational, signaling that we find someone suspicious, alarming, or odd. On the other hand, gazing signals that we take comfort in someone, a much more inviting behavior. When we stare we are on alert; when we gaze we are intrigued, even welcoming. Staring can trigger offense, especially in close quarters such as a bus or subway.
50. CLOSED EYES—During a meeting, someone with closed eyes that take a long time to open or that suddenly shut and remain so for longer than usual is probably having issues. It is a blocking behavior that reveals dislike, concern, disbelief, or worries—some form of psychological discomfort. Long delays in eye opening reveal deep concern. Conversely, in an intimate setting, closed eyes say, “I trust you, I am blocking everything else out, and I am in the moment with my other senses.” Notably, even children born blind will cover their eyes when they hear things they don’t like or they find troubling.
51. EYES CLOSING FOR EMPHASIS—Oftentimes, when we want to emphasize something or agree in congruence, we will close the eyes ever so briefly. It is a way of affirming what is being said. As with all behaviors, context is key to ensure it is not a reflection of disagreement.
52. COVERING OF EYES—Sudden covering of the eyes with a hand or fingers is a blocking behavior associated with a negative event, such as the revelation of bad news or threatening information. It also indicates negative emotions, worry, or lack of confidence. You also see it with people who have been caught doing something wrong. As I note above, congenitally blind children will also do this, though they cannot explain why; clearly this behavior has an ancient evolutionary basis.
53. EYES CLOSED, RUBBING BRIDGE OF NOSE—Individuals who close their eyes and rub the bridge of their nose at the same time are transmitting that they are concerned or worried. This is both a blocking behavior and a pacifier, usually associated with negative emotions, dislike, insecurities, concern, or anxiety.
54. CRYING—Crying serves a variety of personal as well as social purposes, most notably providing a cathartic emotional release. Unfortunately, children also learn quickly that crying can be used as a tool to manipulate, and some adults don’t hesitate to use it similarly. In observing a person’s behavior, crying should not be given any more weight than other signals that a person is having a hard time. Crying, if it occurs with great frequency, can also let us know when someone is clinically depressed or struggling psychologically.
55. CRYING WHILE CLUTCHING OBJECTS—Individuals who cry while clutching at their neck, necklace, or shirt collar are likely undergoing more serious negative emotions than a person merely crying.
56. EYES DARTING—Eyes that dart back and forth feverishly are usually associated with the processing of negative information, doubt, anxiety, fear, or concern. Use this behavior in conjunction with other information such as facial tension or chin withdrawal (see #184) to provide a more accurate assessment. It should be noted that some people will dart their eyes back and forth as they analyze a situation, consider options, or think of solutions. This behavior alone is not itself indicative of deception.
57. EYE-ACCESSING CUES—As we process a thought, an emotion, or a question posed to us, we tend to look laterally, downward, or up and to the side. This is referred to as conjugate lateral eye movement (CLEM) in the scientific literature. There has been a myth for decades, now well debunked by more than twenty studies, that a person looking away or to the side while answering a question is being deceptive. All we can say when someone looks in a certain direction as they process a question or as they answer it, is that they are thinking—it is not per se indicative of deception.
58. EYELIDS FLUTTERING—Sudden eyelid fluttering suggests that something is wrong or that a person is struggling with something (think of the actor Hugh Grant, who often flutters his eyes on-screen when he has issues or has messed something up). People often flutter their eyes when they are struggling to find the right word or can’t believe what they just heard or witnessed. Incredulity is often observed as eyelid fluttering.
59. EYE POINTING—In some cultures an index finger just under an eye communicates doubt or suspicion. But many people across cultures also do this subconsciously in the form of a light scratching motion as they ponder or question something being said. When traveling abroad, ask locals if this means anything special. In Romania, I was told that the finger under the eye was a sign often used to communicate “Be careful, we don’t trust everyone who is listening.”
60. EYE-POINTING CLUSTER—Pointing of the index finger just under the eye (see #59) clustered with eyebrow arching and compressed lips simultaneously conveys doubt, bewilderment, or incredulity. This is especially accurate if the chin is tucked in rather than jutted out.
61. EYE ROLLING—Rolling of the eyes communicates contempt, disagreement, or dislike. Children often do it to their parents to communicate contention or rebellion. It has no place in a professional setting.
62. EYELID TOUCHING—Eyelid touching can be a form of eye blocking coupled with tension relief. Often when people say something they shouldn’t have, people nearby will touch or scratch their closed eyelid—this is a good indicator that something improper was uttered. You see this often with politicians when one misspeaks and another catches it.
63. FATIGUED EYES—Fatigue usually shows in the eyes first. The eyes and the area around them look strained, puffy, weathered, even discolored. This may be due to long hours working; external factors, such as stress; or crying.
64. FAR-OFF LOOK—When alone, or even in conversation with others, staring into the distance, avoiding distractions, allows some people to think or contemplate more effectively. This may be