‘Because nobody can trust you, Jim. You take people’s feelings, scrunch them up into a tiny ball and then you throw them aside as though they never mattered to you in the first place.’
‘Is that what you really think?’
‘You’ve never given me any cause to think otherwise.’
She could feel her heart pounding as his fingers slid down over her neck, her shoulder, running lightly over her arm until his hand slipped into hers. He was holding her hand, and it felt just like it had done all those years ago – it felt magical, almost. They’d shared this big secret, the two of them, and it was a secret that seemed destined to continue. Despite everything Amber had promised herself.
‘I would have done anything for you, Jim,’ she whispered, staring up into his eyes. ‘Anything. But the one thing I didn’t do is the one thing I should have done – I should have told people what happened between us because, if I had, then this wouldn’t be happening now. You wouldn’t have had the chance to come near me again, my dad would’ve seen to that.’
‘So why didn’t you?’ Jim asked, watching as Amber slipped her hand out of his, walking away from him.
‘I was scared.’ She swung back round to face him. ‘I slept with you when I was just sixteen, Jim. I’d been sixteen years old for just a few days when I let that happen, because I wanted you so much, and to know that you wanted me, too – you have no idea how that made me feel. But if my dad ever found out… How do you think he’d react, huh? Even after all this time, do you really think he’d just shrug it off because it happened all those years ago? If it was your daughter…?’
Jim ran a hand through his hair, walking over to her as she leaned back against his desk. ‘He’d hate me. Of course he would. But nobody needs to know what happened back then. Nobody got hurt…’
‘Nobody got hurt?’ Amber gasped. ‘I got hurt, Jim. Me. You hurt me.’
‘I know, baby,’ he whispered, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. ‘I know. And I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. But all that matters is what’s happening now. You and me. We could be so good together.’
Amber shook her head, but her heart was screaming for him to touch her again, to kiss her mouth the way he’d always used to, to hold her in his arms and make love to her, because she knew it would feel as if he’d never been away. She knew that. And that’s what frightened her the most, but it was something she’d wanted more than anything – from the very second she’d laid eyes on him again.
‘We can’t be together, Jim.’ But what she was saying and what she was feeling were two completely different things, and it was taking more effort to stay strong than Amber could have ever imagined. ‘We can’t. And this… this isn’t fair, this is so unfair…’
His mouth was on hers before she’d had a chance to draw breath, his tongue touching hers, his arm circling her waist, pulling her against him. And that kiss, just the feel of his mouth moving against hers, it was as if it had wiped every ounce of that hard-fought-for strength clean away, leaving Amber as that sixteen-year-old girl once more – powerless to do anything because she loved him. So much. She always had done. Was that the real reason why she’d never really wanted another serious relationship? Because, in the back of her mind, she’d always been waiting for him to come back to her?
Lost in the moment now, too far down that road to turn back and forget this was happening, Amber closed her eyes and threw her head back as his mouth brushed the base of her neck, his fingers sliding up under her top, cool against her naked skin, but all that did was send a shiver running through her that heightened everything she was already feeling. She was under his spell once more.
Pulling her top up over her head, she leaned right back, closing her eyes again as she remembered the very first time he’d touched her this way; how she’d felt just a little bit scared, but with an excitement inside that had been almost unbearable. She’d been worried it would hurt, worried the pain would detract from what she’d so wanted to be a fairy tale experience, and whilst it hadn’t been quite that, he’d made love to her so carefully, so gently that she’d cried, because she’d had such a crush on Jim Allen. Such a huge, heartbreaking crush, and to feel him actually making love to her had been the biggest dream come true.
She bit down on her lip as his fingers gently stroked her breasts, his quiet groans turning her on to the point where she didn’t think she could take anymore. She didn’t even care that his office had no lock, that anyone could walk in at any second, it didn’t matter. She didn’t care. She’d waited so long to feel this way again, waited so long to have him touch her naked skin, waited so long to feel him this close, but the pain it was actually causing now that he was here was indescribable. Because this shouldn’t be happening.
‘Jesus, Amber, baby. You grew up good…’ Jim groaned, lifting her up onto his desk. She kicked off her shoes, allowing him to slide her jeans down over her thighs, throwing them aside before doing the same with her underwear until she was naked and exposed, but it felt almost exhilarating. Freeing himself with a speed that was almost record-breaking, he pushed her legs apart, taking just a second to look at her, just a second before he’d taken his place back where Amber had let very few men go since.
She closed her eyes again, leaning back and wrapping her legs around him as she felt him push inside her, and it was a feeling she’d never forgotten. A feeling she’d missed like the most addictive drug there ever was, and not even Ryan Fisher could give her the fix she really needed. Even the most beautiful man in football couldn’t compare to this man here with her now.
‘Don’t think about him,’ Jim whispered, his mouth resting on hers. ‘Don’t do that. Don’t. You’re with me, baby. You’re with me now.’
‘Jim…’
‘Sshh, it’s okay. It’s okay.’
She should be feeling guilty, but then, why should she? Her and Ryan, they may be a couple, but as far as a committed relationship went they were so far away from that. It wasn’t something Amber thought either of them were ready for, and the fact she was here, with Jim, went a long way to proving that point even further. For all she knew Ryan had been with other women when she wasn’t around – they’d never laid down ground rules or issued conditions. It wasn’t that kind of relationship, so she couldn’t let guilt get in the way.
Sliding her hand round the back of his neck, she pulled Jim closer, desperate to feel his mouth on hers again, his lips soft and welcoming as they kissed her slow and deep. Kisses that sent her head spinning and her stomach cartwheeling; kisses that spelt trouble, but what was she supposed to do? She could feel him inside her, deep inside her, and every memory, every beautiful, painful memory of the past came crashing over her like a tidal wave of emotion that was hard to control. But he was holding her so tight, saying all the right things, making her feel everything she’d ever wanted to feel, and as she felt the white-hot climax begin its climb, nothing else seemed to matter. Not Ryan, not the fact that she was getting into something she really shouldn’t be going anywhere near; none of it mattered. All that mattered was that Jim was with her; he was back. But for how long?
That question flashed briefly through her mind as she felt his body jerk inside her, his muffled cries signalling the end of the ride for him and Amber kept her eyes closed as she felt that hot rush filling her up, spreading through her like a blanket of beautiful pins and needles, each tingle reaching every last, tiny part of her. It was the most incredible feeling. Even more incredible because he’d never forgotten – he’d never forgotten that, sometimes, he needed to help her reach that endgame, too, and as he slowly withdrew he gently touched her with his fingers, their eyes locked together as his hand moved slowly back and forth until Amber reached that same white-hot climax, burying her face in his shoulder as she shuddered in his arms, her skin tingling once again. It was as if every time he touched her it sent a wave of something she couldn’t explain