‘What happened to us, Neil?’ She asked, her voice small, sounding needy in her own ears. ‘We used to get on so well.’
A sigh came down the line. ‘Get on? That’s the problem, Kate. You always make us sound like friends. You don’t need me, do you?’
‘Of course I do,’ she replied, frowning at his question. ‘We both need you.’
‘No, that’s not what I mean. We have a life together, but you’ve never really needed me, have you? Wanted me even? Tell me, if something bad happened, who would you ring first?’
‘You,’ she said. ‘You’re my husband, of course it would be you.’
‘Really? Because I think if you’re honest with yourself, I would be somewhere on the list, but not the top. If I dropped out of your life, you wouldn’t suffer, would you?’
‘Are you leaving me, is that what you’re saying?’
‘No!’ The voice barked back, angry. ‘You’re still not listening Kate! You never hear me! I’m not leaving. You are though, you’re constantly leaving. You dip in and out of my life like a side show. We’re married Kate, that means something to me.’
‘I come home every night Neil, if I’m not working. You knew the job I did when we met. It’s demanding, but I’m still your wife.’
Neil sighed, a slow desperate sounding sigh.
‘No one’s perfect Kate, god knows I’m not. I regret a lot of things. If you want to go on the trip, go. I can’t stop you, I won’t. I just want you to remember this conversation. Think about it when you’re gone. I need you to get this Kate. You can’t keep living like this. We can’t. I’ll be home in the morning to take Jamie to school.’
‘Neil, don’t go, we need to sort this out!’ She begged, suddenly afraid of his detached demeanour. ‘You sound like you’re giving up.’
‘I’m not Kate, I’m not at all. You want to go, fine. I’ll look after things here, but just don’t forget that we need to work on us, too. Sooner rather than later. Things change Kate. Some things can’t be undone, and I’m sorry for that. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Kate was about to ask what couldn’t be changed when the line went dead. Did he mean them, their marriage couldn’t be saved? What should she do now? If she left, would he be here when she got back? Would she want him to be?
She looked around their home, at the schedules and pictures on the fridge. The photos on the walls, the lines drawn on the door frame that marked the journey of Jamie’s growth. She knew one thing, whatever was going on with her and Neil, she had to be true to herself. Jamie was her priority, but she had to like herself as a person too. She knew what that meant. She knew that this choice was important, but she was used to making split second decisions and living with the consequences. Once she chose, she saw it through. Just like her marriage. Fight or flight. She didn’t run, she faced things head on. What Neil did with her decision was up to him.
She took a large calming sip of the wine and scrolled through her contacts before hitting dial. A familiar voice picked up the other line.
‘Kate! Hey stranger, given it some thought?’ Trevor said into her ear.
Kate smiled at her mentor’s upbeat and hopeful voice. ‘Yep, and I’m all in.’
Cooper
My throat felt like dry fire. I attempted a cough, but nothing came out, and I felt my heart race. I tried to lift up my head, but it felt as though it was stuck to the pillow. Raising my hand to touch my face, I felt a tug of pain. Looking at the back of my hand, I saw a butterfly drip stuck into it. Trying to focus my eyes, which felt like they had been taken out and dipped in sand, I saw a dim light in the corner of the room. I felt a warm presence on my other hand, and looked to see what was laid across it. My whole body felt fuzzy, with a dim undertone of throbbing pain. My hand, still resting on the bed, looked unnatural, and I realised that the extra fingers didn’t belong to me. I squeezed gently, which was an achievement in itself. The fingers wrapped around mine squeezed back. My gritty eyes followed the fingers up the arm, and I realised a woman was asleep in the chair next to me. Even in sleep, she looked exhausted, pale blue scrubs encasing her lithe body. The hand holding mine had a wedding ring on it I noticed, and I felt a little pang of unexplained disappointment. Pushing the thought away, I tried to make my eyes focus on her again. She was pretty, little snuffles coming from her as she slept deeply. She had squeezed my hand back in reflex, unconsciously in sleep. I wanted to move my hand away, embarrassed by the contact, but I didn’t move.
Looking around, I saw everyone was asleep, except for a couple of nurses milling around the area. It was then that I noticed what was missing: the noise. There was no gunfire, no explosions. All I could hear were the sounds of nature outside the tent. I think that this was more unnerving than being woken by the sounds of war, and I kept my ears open for any sound of impending danger. I felt so groggy, and my legs were numb. Trying to lift my head again, I pushed through the pain to look down at my body. Lifting the covers laid over me, I saw that I was naked. They must have cut my clothes off. I glanced across at the doctor in the chair. Had she seen me naked? I almost laughed out loud. The first time a woman had seen my dick in years, and I was unconscious and bleeding at the time. Very sexy. Go figure.
Pushing down the covers again, being careful not to move my hand from hers, I looked down at my legs. I half-expected to see two stumps, but there they were, although one of them looked like it was in a real mess, the whole thing encased in bandages. The shape was off, like someone had shaved off some ribbons of flesh. I still had two legs, that was a good start. My torso was bandaged too, with a tube coming out of one side. Probably a drain, I realised. I had seen enough injured buddies to realise that a bomb blast ripped through your body like a hurricane, tearing organs, snapping bones, taking the very soul from a man. I was still here, so I would take it from there.
‘Morning, Captain,’ a soft voice said, thick with sleep. I lowered the covers quickly, aware that I had probably just been flashing the crown jewels.
I looked across at her. She was stretching in the chair, hand still on mine, rubbing the sleep from her pretty almond eyes. ‘I didn’t see a thing, don’t worry. How are you feeling?’
I cut her off before she could go into full bedside manner mode. ‘My unit?’
Her face fell. ‘The man you were carrying, he didn’t make it. I’m s—’
I raised my drip hand at her. ‘I know, what about the others?’
She smiled a little then, relieved to have been asked another question. ‘They are all out, safe and sound.’
I nodded, a wave of relief coursing over me. Then I remembered something.
‘There was a boy, on the roof.’ My voice pushed out the words in a croak. She pressed her lips together, and I saw a flash of distress cross her features.
‘I’m sorry, they sent in a unit to check, but no one on the roof survived.’ I thought of Hightower, and what that must be doing to him. To kill a child in the line of duty could never and would never feel right. I hated that we were ever put in that position.
‘Hightower okay?’ Kate looked confused, and I shook my head in frustration. ‘Never mind, forget it. When can I get back to duty?’
Her face fell, and she looked down at our hands. I pulled mine away then, and she let it go without a fight.
‘Dr Trevor Tanner is going to come and talk to you soon, on his rounds.’
I grunted in annoyance. ‘I’m not some idiot, missy. I just want to know when.’
She raised her chin at me then, her face hardening a little. ‘First