‘Honestly, though, Kate, thank you so much for bringing him home. Given the state I found him in… well…’ Megan paused for a moment, reminded of the image of Jonnie face down on the carpet in a pile of his own vomit. ‘I’m just thankful that he chose to come to you. Heaven only knows where he’d have ended up if he hadn’t.’
Megan had been dismayed to see the number of missed calls from her friend the previous evening. It had been an unwelcome surprise after an already exhausting experience of getting stuck on the Underground for close to two hours. The lack of ventilation, frustrated fellow passengers and the fact that she’d been forced to stand for most of the journey now seemed like a blessing in disguise. Finding out that Jonnie had made a nuisance of himself by going to Kate’s wasn’t something she would have had the strength to deal with. Especially after being called into the last-minute management meeting at work and told of the restructuring plan that was to affect the entire staff force at Hamilton’s.
‘It’s just a shame he slipped up. He was doing so well,’ Kate said, feeling sympathetic at the weariness in Megan’s voice. ‘I still can’t understand why he came here, though? Did he mention anything to you today?’
Relieved that she wasn’t having the conversation face to face, Megan nodded into her house phone. ‘Yes, he did; he said he locked himself out of Sid’s and you were the closest place he could think to go to.’ It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the entire truth.
‘Oh, okay, I thought it might have been more than that. I’m just pleased that Alf wasn’t home – he wouldn’t have been happy.’
Megan agreed. Having Alf involved in the situation would have made things exceedingly complicated. Besides, she wasn’t sure that, given her current state, she would have been able to hold back on the news she’d discovered at the meeting, directly affecting him. She tried to put the thought aside.
Just like Kate, she had been baffled as to why her brother had ventured to her friend’s house. Rather than pressing him for answers straight away, she’d waited until late morning, when a grey and pallid Jonnie had arisen from his slumber and – then sober – apologised profusely. She’d heard it all before, but with no desire to head down the well-trodden path of lecturing him, she’d instead asked why he’d gone to Kate’s. She’d been startled by his response. It seemed that in his incoherent stupor, after locking himself out of Sid’s and being ‘abandoned’ by Megan in her refusal to answer his calls, the only person he could think of who would understand his situation was Kate.
With lowered eyes and stilted words, he’d consciously tried to explain to Megan that he had an overwhelming sense of loneliness. He’d been struggling with feelings of rejection and emotional neglect. Given that he knew Kate had no real family to speak of, he’d hoped to find a kindred spirit in her. After all, she’d made references on numerous occasions in the past to the fact that she, too, had felt empty. He thought she’d understand and maybe have some answers.
It had pained Megan to hear of her brother’s troubled feelings, but she was grateful that he’d passed out before he’d had a chance to open up to Kate. She knew her friend well and although she’d have done everything within her power to help Jonnie, Kate would have also been torn apart at revisiting the emotions associated with her parents’ and aunt’s death. She’d spent so long trying to make peace with everything and the emotions would have undoubtedly opened old wounds. It wasn’t a subject Megan wanted Jonnie to raise again – and she’d warned him of this, explaining that Kate had her own issues she was struggling with, without the extra burden of his, too.
Sidetracked by her thoughts, Megan realised she hadn’t been paying attention to Kate’s chattering. She caught the end of a sentence about visiting Tea Cup Viv for a reading and made what she hoped was the right reassuring response.
‘Great. So you’re going to have one, too, then?’ her friend asked in surprise. Without waiting for Megan’s response, she carried on enthusiastically. ‘I’ll tell Viv. I don’t want to do it alone; I’d prefer to have you there. You know – just in case. And it’ll be so interesting to see what she gets for you, too.’
Trying to sound enthusiastic, Megan said she’d look forward to it – with no real intention of undertaking anything of the sort. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in psychic abilities it just didn’t interest her. She had no desire to know anything about the future – she was much more content living day by day.
Kate knew this too, which was why she’d been a little taken aback at Megan’s keenness. She’d expected her friend to instantly dismiss the suggestion. She herself had been toying with the idea for most of the morning; gradually she’d come to the conclusion that she needed answers and although she didn’t really believe in it, perhaps it would offer some. She was at a loss as to what more she could do. Short of sitting down and having the frank conversation with Alf that was needed, she first wanted some guidance from somewhere – and if Viv could give that in some small way, then why not?
The previous evening, although it seemed to improve as the hours passed and the wine flowed, had left her once again wondering where their relationship was headed. Things, perhaps, wouldn’t have been so questionable if Marcus hadn’t raised the subject of travelling and holidays. She’d been more than surprised when Alf had piped up with the unlikelihood of them taking a long-distance trip in the foreseeable future. She vaguely recalled the words ‘workload’, ‘financial restraints’ and ‘priorities’ being bandied around by him, but the entire time she’d stayed silent, solemnly wondering why her input on the matter hadn’t been requested. Only when Marcus had looked at her for confirmation had she managed to mutely nod her head in agreement, not wanting to cause another quarrel in front of their guest.
Kate couldn’t understand what had happened to their plans to spend two weeks road- tripping around California. Alf had seemed so eager to discuss the trip at the start of the year and they’d even looked into excursions. It was now only spring – so when had his change of heart taken place?
So many uncertainties seemed to be dancing around inside her and she knew it wouldn’t be beneficial to open up to Alf unless she could make some sense of their meaning first. Besides, the idea of talking to him about things and not hearing the response she wanted to hear, terrified her. She’d lost so many people in her life already. What if there was a possibility that Alf didn’t want the same things as her for the future? The devastation that rippled through her at the very idea wasn’t an emotion that she even wanted to acknowledge. The fear of being alone once again, of someone she desperately loved leaving her, was too overwhelming a thought to consider.
So she needed to be prepared first within herself. Just in case….
She tried to pay attention as Megan’s voice boomed excitedly down the phone, telling her about an opening party of an exclusive cocktail venue in the City. As her eyes flitted towards the large staffroom clock, she was dismayed to find that her lunch hour was rapidly drawing to an end.
‘I’ll let you know if Shilpa can get me an extra free entry for opening night – it’s going to be a ticketed event. I think you’ll enjoy it.’
Kate groaned. ‘Oh, I don’t know, Megan, it doesn’t really sound like my scene…’ she tailed off, wondering why Megan was extending her the invite. Shilpa was usually her partner in crime for these sorts of things.
Megan cut her off before she could protest further. ‘Kate, you’ve been moaning that you want to dress up and go out more lately. This is your chance. You need to let your hair down – de-stress. Come on, it’ll be fun.’
It didn’t take long for Megan’s words to have an effect. Kate knew it was true – since her birthday party, she’d once again gotten lost in a swamp of insecurities and forgotten the glamour and zest for life that she’d briefly rediscovered. She thought of the new cream-chiffon dress, still marked with nail varnish and banished to the back of her wardrobe. Hadn’t Alf promised to replace it? In a split second she’d made up her mind.
‘Okay,