He departed. The ensuing solitude came as a relief, and retiring at once to my bedroom I stripped off both gown and cassock before pausing to light a cigarette. At once I felt more relaxed, and as soon as I was dressed with the minimum of formality, I returned to my sitting-room, mixed myself a substantial whisky and soda and began to contemplate my mission to Starbridge.
VI
The more I considered the situation the less enamoured of it I became. It would involve me in deception; although it could be argued by any student of moral philosophy that the welfare of the Church justified a little espionage by the Archbishop’s henchman, I was averse to involving myself in one of those situations where the end was held to justify the means. When I had cited Jesuitical casuistry earlier, Lang had all but quoted Shakespeare’s line: ‘This is the English, not the Turkish court,’ but nevertheless I did wonder, as I recalled our conversation, what game Lang was really playing.
Jardine had humiliated him during that debate in the House of Lords ten days ago. ‘What are the ordinary people of England to think,’ the Bishop had demanded in fury, ‘when on one of the great moral issues of the day the Archbishop of Canterbury says with a conspicuous lack of courage that he can vote neither for this bill nor against it? Is this leadership? Is this the great ecclesiastical pearl of wisdom which so many people have been eagerly awaiting? Is this the ultimate fate of the Church of England – to be led into the wilderness of moral confusion by a septuagenarian Scot who has apparently lost touch with those whom he purports to serve?’
I thought Lang would want to get rid of Jardine after that performance, and the only way Lang could rid himself of a turbulent bishop without a scandal was to find evidence of a disabling impropriety so that a resignation could be extorted in private. In other words, I suspected that I was being used not merely to safeguard the Church but to promote a secret war between two of the country’s leading churchmen.
This was a most unedifying thought. As I followed my Sunday evening custom of making myself a cheese sandwich in the little pantry attached to my rooms, I wondered if I could extricate myself from Lang’s scheme but I could see no way out. I had committed myself. I could hardly admit now that I was suffering debilitating doubts. Lang would be most displeased, and incurring my Archbishop’s displeasure was a prospect on which I had no wish to dwell. I decided my best hope of resolving the dilemma lay in proving Jardine’s private life was as pure as driven snow with the result that the Archbishop’s Machiavellian plans would collapse in an unconsummated heap, but the next moment I was asking myself how likely it was that Jardine was an episcopal saint. Even if one ruled out the possibility of a fatal error there was still room for a variety of smuts on the driven snow; the thought of flirtatious behaviour at dinner parties was not encouraging.
I finished my second whisky, ate my sandwich and brewed myself some coffee. Then I decided to embark on some preliminary research by talking to two people who almost certainly knew more about Jardine than I did.
My first telephone call was to a London friend who worked for The Church Gazette. We had been up at Cambridge together as undergraduates, and later when I had been Lang’s chaplain and Jack had begun his career as an ecclesiastical journalist it had suited us both to maintain our friendship.
‘I confess I’m ringing you out of sheer vulgar curiosity,’ I said after the conventional enquiries had been exchanged. ‘I’m about to stay at the episcopal palace at Starbridge – what can you tell me about its current tenant?’
‘Ah, the vampire who feeds on the blood of pompous archbishops! Brush up your theories on the Virgin Birth, Charles, take a gun and shoot straight from the hip – after dinner at Starbridge when the lovely ladies have withdrawn the conversation will be guaranteed to put you through your theological paces.’
‘Are you deliberately trying to frighten me?’
‘Oh, don’t despair of survival! He likes theologians – they give him a good run for his money. But why are you offering yourself to Jardine for shooting practice?’
‘I’m beginning to wonder. Tell me more about these lovely ladies I shall meet at the dinner table.’
‘The gossips say no man receives an invitation to dine unless he has an attractive wife, but I dare say that’s an exaggeration.’
‘What’s Jardine’s own wife like?’
‘She’s a wonderful, fluffy little thing with a heart of gold and a stunning selection of tea gowns. Everyone adores her. Her favourite topic of conversation’s the weather.’
‘That must make a welcome change from the Virgin Birth. And isn’t there a good-looking companion in the household? What do I talk about with her?’
‘Don’t get excited, Charles – curb your natural inclination to indulge in impure thoughts! Miss Christie’s the original ice-maiden. Starbridge is littered with the bones of those who have died of unrequited love for that particular lady.’
‘Well, I wasn’t seriously expecting to find a nymphomaniac lodged at the episcopal palace –’
‘No, Jardine knows when to play safe. Lovely ladies, preferably titled and always chaperoned by their boring old husbands, are more in his line than nymphomaniacs and ice-maidens. No scandal, of course. He just likes to look and chat.’
‘No doubt he enjoys the chance to talk of subjects other than the weather.’
‘Ah, so you’ve heard the rumour that the Jardines’ marriage has died of boredom, but don’t you believe it, old chap! Mrs Jardine’s still pretty as a picture and I shouldn’t think Jardine gives a damn about her intellect once the lights are out in the episcopal bedchamber.’
‘Jack, are you still working for The Church Gazette? You’re sounding exactly like a hack from The News of the World!’
‘Nonsense! There’s nothing scandalous about a bishop who sleeps with his wife. The News of the World would only bat an eyelid if he started sleeping with someone else, but as far as I know –’
‘Yes, how much of this prurient rigmarole of yours is hearsay and how much is first-hand information?’
‘Well, naturally I’m in league with the chaplain but since he always presents his hero as a cross between St Paul and Sir Galahad he’s hardly a source of spicy gossip. However I do have first-hand experience of the Jardines. Last March I was invited down to Starbridge to report on a Church committee meeting which was discussing special Coronation services in the southern province – Jardine, as chairman, was playing host. Of course he’s rumoured to eat journalists on toast for breakfast but in fact he was very civil to me, and Mrs Jardine was a poppet. She gave me some ginger biscuits and said I reminded her of her nephew.’
‘And the luscious Miss Christie?’
‘She gave me a cool look and told me where to find the lavatory. But I think you’ll like both the Jardines, Charles, and I see no reason why you shouldn’t survive your visit with ease. Just gird your loins when the sinful vintage port starts circulating, and take a deep breath if the Bishop begins to hold forth on the Virgin Birth …’
VII