‘Just what in heaven’s name are you makin’ there, Theresa?’ I asked to break the tension. ‘You trying to kill us all before Cher gets a chance to get outta here?’
‘Get out of my way, Movita,’ Theresa warned. ‘You know what they say about too many cooks, don’t you?’
I just laughed and backed off. Havin’ a conversation with Theresa was like talkin’ to a refrigerator door loaded with sayings. I respected that girl. The goin’ never got so tough that Theresa didn’t get up and go. ‘People say I’m an optimist,’ she’d say, lookin’ all serious and stuff. ‘But I don’t think that’s necessarily true. And do you wanna know why? I’m gonna tell you why. Because – you know what they say about pessimism and optimism, don’t you?’
Theresa never really wanted you to answer her questions, ‘cause she had all the answers herself.
‘They say the pessimist says the glass is half empty, but the optimist says it’s half full. Well, you know what I say to that? I don’t say that glass is half anything, I say you’re using the wrong damn glass. It’s obviously too big. That’s what I say.’ Then old Theresa always waited a little and let it all sink in before she’d wind up for her big finale. ‘And you know what that makes me?’ she’d ask. ‘That makes me a pragmatist! That is someone who has a practical, matter-of-fact way of solving problems. That’s a pragmatist and that’s what I am – a practical, matter-of-fact problem solver. If you got a problem with how much is in your glass, well then maybe you’re just using the wrong glass. You understand what I’m saying here? It just doesn’t matter if you think it’s half empty or half full, what matters is what you do about it. Get off your ass and get yourself a different glass is what I say. Always remember this: Answer is also a verb. You understand what I’m saying here? The door to success is labeled PUSH! You can’t leave footprints in the sands of time if you’re not wearin’ work boots.’
I don’t know why, but I could listen to Theresa talk for hours. I loved those speeches.
‘Get up off your butt, Cher, and grab that plastic strainer for me,’ Theresa told Cher, and Cher did it. ‘Hold it over the bowl.’
Cher was laughing as Theresa strained her pasta and let the water go down the john. ‘You think there’s any symbolism here with your cookin’ right next to the toilet?’ Cher teased.
Theresa’s specialty is her pasta. That’s somethin’ the canteen don’t carry, but Theresa’s sister sends her a lot of it. That’s another thing about who you pick for crew. You want the girls who get lots of packages from the Outside. Theresa gets pasta and salamis and Italian shit like that. And you can’t get better packages than Cher gets. Theft runs in her family, so they’re always sendin’ her stuff. Lots of it is contraband and gets taken out and sent back, but the boxes always have hand creams and shampoos and stuff like that. And now and then she’ll get a big ol’ canned ham with some spices. The chips and dips and stuff come in on a regular basis. Both girls are real good about sharin’ with the crew.
Suki never gets a damned thing. She ain’t got a family. Her little girl is in foster care. I don’t care, though – we had to take her in. But if we have to take in this Spencer bitch, then that girl better be prepared to do her part.
Dinner was almost ready. Besides the pasta we were having some lettuce and some bananas for dessert. ‘All the ice is gone,’ Theresa said, ‘and there won’t be any more until tomorrow afternoon, so get prepared to eat. I don’t want anything to go to waste.’
‘Speakin’ of waste,’ I said. ‘I hear Miss Spencer had herself quite a night in Observation.’
‘Did Karl Byrd give her any trouble?’ Theresa asked, all concerned.
‘Karl can do better than get a piece of that sorry ass,’ Cher snarled.
‘That’s not very nice,’ Suki piped up. ‘I think she seems kind of nice. She’s my bunkmate. But she says she’s not gonna be here very long.’
Cher was laughing. ‘Oh, let me guess,’ she said. ‘She’s just another innocent victim, put in the slammer by mistake.’
‘That’s what she says,’ Suki told us, all sincere. Suki doesn’t get irony – you might say she has an irony deficiency. ‘Jennifer says her boyfriend is coming to get her out.’
‘Yeah, just like my knight in shining armor is comin’ for me,’ Cher snorted.
Havin’ Cher as a cellmate helps the time pass. When she first hit Jennings, I couldn’t imagine how I’d ever survive being locked up with a wild white woman. But she can be so damned funny. And she’s honest – for a thief. She never pretends to be nobody ‘ceptin’ who she is. For her, everything she sees is just ripe for the pickin’. She always has her eyes wide open and on the lookout for the next chance to take what she wants. And not just for herself, either. Soon as she got here she stole me a Sony Walkman and a feather pillow, and damn it – that hillbilly girl just stole my heart. I never understood how it happened, but I was glad that it did. I love Cher. Now it isn’t like we’re lesbians. No one in my crew is a lesbian. I know lots of women couple up for a little sex and comfort while they’re here, but nothin’ like that goes on between me and Cher. But we do love each other. When I think of how I felt for Earl I almost laugh. My feelings for him were pretty shallow and pathetic when I compare ‘em with the love I feel for Cher. And even for Theresa and Suki.
About the only action I get from men is from that mother Byrd. He would jump a ladybug or a polliwog as long as they were unwilling. That’s what gives ‘em the thrill. I keep ‘em way off me by never showin’ any fear and askin’ him if he’s got a hard three inches ready for me. Once I made the redneck bastard blush. Made my day, I tell ya’.
I just sat there on my bunk and looked at my crew. Maybe we could take Spencer in. But the thought of it made me feel like I was somehow cheatin’ on Cher. Cher was gonna get paroled soon, if she kept her nose clean and didn’t get caught stealin’ from Intake. Even if she did, Cher had herself a good lawyer on the Outside.
It all made me feel sorta sad and cold. I didn’t really resent Cher leavin’ Jennings. It’s just that it was gonna be a damned lonely and borin’ place once she was gone. Maybe we needed to take another woman in.
Windows on buildings and vehicles were smashed one day after all the women in the dining room had been ‘searched’ for tacos as they left the cafeteria. Later the women referred to the incident as ‘The Great Taco Shake’.
Kathryn Watterson, Women in Prison
‘Mealtime,’ the officer announced from the control room. ‘Stay in single file and follow the brown line.’
Jennifer had absolutely no interest in eating dinner in the cafeteria, but Suki pointed in the direction that she should go and Jennifer had no choice but to follow the others. She had to admit that she was starving, but God only knew what kind of food was being served. She turned to ask Suki if she might know, but Suki seemed to have someplace else to go. Jennifer turned back and followed the woman in front of her.
As the line moved down the corridor it approached a door that was being held open by yet another officer. ‘Single file, ladies, single file. Something good today. Officer Summit says it’s Reubens since we had ham salad for lunch today.’
‘It’s about time,’ spoke one inmate.
‘Now you’re talking,’ said another.
Off to the side, a woman was having a loud argument with a doorpost. ‘You no good, muthafukka,’ she