‘Oh dear, oh dear, you know it was just the same for our Laura,’ she said, patting me on the back. ‘She used to be with a lovely lass called Carly, who we all adored. Carly was into aromatherapy. Have you heard of it? Well, we were sure there’d be wedding bells and civil ceremonies any day. I bought a hat. But Laura messed it up as only Laura can and ran off with a fitness instructor called Tessa, who, excuse me, is terribly masculine and terribly rude. Well, what’s the point of being a bloody lesbian then setting up home with a woman who is the spits of a ruddy great man?’ And now Mary needed a hanky and a hug. Eventually we steered the conversation back onto Mary and my idea about Love-Stolen Dreams.
‘Well, it made me laugh when your grandma called the other morning, wanting to know about my deepest desires.’ Mary took a sip from a mug commemorating the marriage of Prince Charles to Princess Diana. ‘I felt like I was on one of those TV phone-ins!’ she said, pushing herself further back into her 1980s floral sofa. ‘And it’s not that I’m unhappy, Kate. I am very content. And I would never want Len to think otherwise, poor old bugger! It’s just your grandma’s such a pushy what-not. She wouldn’t get off the phone until I told her at least one unfulfilled dream or interest.’ Mary tutted good-naturedly before offering me a strawberry Quality Street. ‘And it’s silly that I even think about it. I don’t think about it. It’s nothing. Well, now I’ve gone and made it sound like something! Bloody Josephine! For the record I am happy watching a bit of Top Gear and sitting with Len while he fiddles with his cars, but, if I was going to spend the rest of my life “alone” as your grandma rather dramatically told me, then I suppose learning about cars would make me quite happy.’ She offered me another Quality Street. I took another Strawberry Cream.
‘What do you mean you want to learn about cars? Like, you’d want to understand the different makes and models?’
‘Oh no dear, I’d want to learn how to take apart and put back together a combustion engine,’ she said, straightening out her flannel dress and cardi combo. ‘I’d want to train to be a mechanic.’ My half-chewed Strawberry Cream nearly fell from my mouth.
‘OK,’ I said, nodding my head. ‘Cool.’ Lots more head-nodding. ‘So, er, have you had any mechanical, combustion-type experiences so far …?’
‘Well, I’ll tell you, Kate,’ she said, tapping my knee, ‘I did do a little something about six months ago. There was an old part from one of Len’s cars and he was going to throw it out, but I knew it wasn’t broken. I was sure of it. So when Len went to work I took the part out the bin, took it apart, cleaned it up and put it back together. I gave it back to him and told him I’d got it from Jim at the scrapyard. Well, I never tell lies, Kate, but I was desperate to know if it worked. And it did! He put it in the car and it worked!’ Mary was squeezing her podgy hands together in her lap as if shaking her own hand with praise.
‘Wow! Mary, that’s amazing! You must be so proud!’
‘I felt on top of the world about it, Kate! Still do! It worked because I had fixed it. Can you imagine that? You see something broken and you put it back together, you fix it, with your own bare hands.’
For some reason the image of my own heart popped into my head, bright red, shattered on a stone floor. I saw hands picking up all the pieces, squeezing them back into shape like a plasticine toy. But all the pieces wouldn’t stick; they kept falling off and tumbling back to the floor, like overly floured pastry. I shoved another Quality Street in my mouth to fill the void.
‘So, Mary, how did you feel when you were actually working on the part?’
‘Well, I’m not sure if it’s like this for you, Kate, but normally I have a hundred things going on in my head. While I’m ironing the sheets I’m scanning the room looking for my next job, thinking about what’s in the fridge for dinner, wondering what time Len will be back from work. But when I sat at the kitchen table fixing that part I was completely into what I was doing. And that felt … peaceful. When I finished I felt this warmth, right here.’ She placed the palm of her hand against her breastbone and left it there for a few seconds. Then she picked up her mug of tea and rested it on the exact same spot. We both fell silent. My red plasticine heart was still in pieces on the imaginary floor in my mind’s eye.
‘Mary, do you think you might be interested in doing some kind of mechanics course with me? I could organise it all through work. And what goal do you think we should aim for? Would your dream be realised the first time someone pays you to fix a car or—?’
‘Well, I never!’ Mary flushed bright red. ‘Someone paying me to fix an engine!’ She shook her head. ‘It’s not possible, Little Kate. It’s a silly idea.’
‘Mary, if you find it hard to imagine yourself as a mechanic, why don’t you try visualising a version of yourself in a parallel universe, a Power Mary, who isn’t worried about what Len might think, or the kids, who only has herself to please? What would that Mary be doing with her days? I bet she’d work on cars! Try it,’ I urged. ‘Close your eyes and imagine a Power Mary in an alternate universe.’ Mary looked at me suspiciously before good-naturedly closing her eyes. ‘What would Power Mary’s perfect car-related day be? How would it start?’
‘Well, I can’t do a thing before I have a cuppa so Power Mary would need to start her day the same way. Do they have tea in this universe?’
‘I think so.’
‘And she’d need her own toolbox, which would be nice, and somewhere to work.’
‘Where would that be?’
Mary kept her eyes closed, frowning with concentration.
‘Well, there are the arches down near Tessa’s gym. Power Mary could have an arch down there.’
‘And is Power Mary by herself or are there other people with her?’
‘Well, it would be nice to work with other people, wouldn’t it—maybe some other ladies? And Power Mary would need to stop for lunch because Len and I do like to eat together. But in the afternoon she could carry on, as long as she finished by four because I like to have dinner ready for when Len gets in. So Power Mary could go home, have a quick shower, put her overalls in the wash then make Len a nice stew, although if this is an alternate universe it would be lovely if Len could work a washing machine.’
‘Mary, that sounds so achievable.’
Mary opened her eyes.
‘Me working in a garage!’ she scoffed before gathering up the mugs and hurrying into the kitchen. ‘Why on earth would I learn to do this at my age?’ she said over the sound of frenzied washing up. ‘I am who I am, Kate. I have what I have and I am happy. What would poor Len think if I suddenly decided to copy his hobby after all these years? I’d feel like I was taking something from him.’ She came back into the lounge with two fresh cups of tea. ‘And what if I was better than him, Kate, which, I am not going to lie to you, would probably happen. Lord knows how any of our cars have kept working over the years. No, we are fine as we are. I was brought up to be grateful for what I have and what I have is this.’
‘Mary, have you even spoken to Len about this, or asked him if he would mind?’
‘Oh no dear. No, not at all.’ She opened the box of Quality Street.