But why the Polaroid photos, the messages? And there must have been an inkling of concern if the police had decided to talk to her, and maybe speak to Aiden too.
Oh God, Aiden.
He had to hear it from Estelle first. It wouldn’t be fair to find out from a stranger. She thought of the teenager she once knew. He’d be a man now. What would it do to him to know he had a child out there somewhere … and that Estelle hadn’t given him the chance to know that child? Her stomach dropped. Aiden was a good person, kind, caring. She felt terrible. And she’d feel even worse if he found out from the police.
She googled his name but nothing came up. Then she googled the Garlands, finding a website for their property business. Images of Lillysands flashed on screen: the vast cliffs, the white beaches, its distinctive pastel-coloured houses dotting the coastline. So beautiful, just like she remembered.
She clicked on the contact page, finding a number and grabbing her phone. She hesitated a moment. She never dreamed she’d need to speak to the Garlands again, though there had been many times she wanted to pick up the phone. Like when she’d received a cheque from them for five thousand pounds via her social worker. A little something to help you in your new home, the note had read. Please call us, Stel darling, we so desperately miss you. Autumn, Max and Aiden x But she hadn’t called them, instead she’d stuck to her guns, and left her life in Lillysands far behind her.
But this phone call was different. She owed Aiden this.
So she took a deep breath then dialled the number with shaky fingers.
‘Hello?’ a familiar husky voice answered.
Estelle found herself mute when she heard her foster mother, a plethora of memories hitting her.
‘Autumn?’ she eventually said, finding her voice.
‘Jesus Christ, is that Stel?’
Estelle couldn’t help but smile. After all these years, Autumn remembered her voice. Maybe that was part of the talent with foster carers like Autumn and Max, remembering each and every child they welcomed into their home.
‘It is,’ she said, trying to keep her voice normal. ‘How are you?’
‘Shocked and delighted to hear from you, honey – that’s how I am!’
Estelle imagined Autumn sat at the large dining room table, a cigarette smouldering in her ancient black-marble ashtray, her expensive gold necklace nestled in her cleavage, the light outside the vast windows behind her catching on her blonde hair.
‘It’s so good to hear your voice, Stel,’ Autumn continued. ‘We’ve missed you; all of us have.’
‘I’m sorry it’s been so long.’ That was a lie. She would never have got in touch with them all again if it weren’t for what had happened.
‘We’re so proud of you, darling, what a life you’ve made for yourself!’
So they’d been following her progress? That thought made Estelle’s heart clench. ‘Thank you. Look, Autumn, the reason I’m getting in touch is I need to talk to Aiden.’
‘Why?’
‘I just—’ She peered at the photo of Poppy again. ‘I’m having a launch party for my book. I thought Aiden might want to perform there.’
She heard Autumn sigh. ‘Sorry, sweetheart, but Aiden’s musician days are way behind him. He’s a rock climber now, helps tourists climb the cliffs here.’
Estelle frowned. She was so sure he would have ended up becoming a singer or a songwriter, he was so ambitious back then. ‘Okay,’ Estelle said, trying to think on her feet. ‘That’s good enough, he works with cliffs, doesn’t he? My next book’s on coastal food,’ Estelle lied. ‘Maybe he can help with that.’
‘I see,’ Autumn said, not sounding convinced. She always had a knack of seeing right through to the truth. ‘Well, here’s the number.’ Autumn reeled off Aiden’s mobile number. ‘He might not answer, he doesn’t always answer when working.’ She paused. ‘You okay honey? You sound anxious.’
‘I’m fine!’ Estelle said in a faux happy voice. ‘Just busy.’
‘We’d love you to come visit some time. I’ve missed you, darling.’ Autumn’s voice was full of emotion. Estelle wouldn’t be surprised if her green eyes were full of tears. She had so much love in her, so much intense emotion. Max always said that’s why they fostered, Autumn had so much compassion to give out.
‘I will visit,’ Estelle said, knowing she wouldn’t. But as she thought that, a tiny voice whispered, Why not? Years have passed. Would it really be so bad to be back in the place where you spent some of your best years?
‘Promise?’ Autumn asked.
Estelle squeezed her eyes shut. ‘Promise. Take care.’ Then she put the phone down, staying still and quiet for a few moments as she thought of Autumn, of her kind green eyes, her warm arms.
Estelle snapped herself out of it, looking at Aiden’s number. Emotions whirled inside as she remembered the time she broke things off with him. It had been just after the secretive scan Autumn arranged for her to have. She’d had to call in a favour with an old nurse friend. But it had confirmed she was indeed pregnant, too late to do anything but have the child. Estelle had lied, told Aiden she didn’t love him, pushed him away. In the weeks that followed, she’d had to watch him angrily go from one girl to the next before being packed off by Autumn and Max to a boarding school to try to focus his mind on his studies. He’d never got on at the local school, getting in the odd fight, missing lessons. But Estelle also suspected part of the reason his parents wanted him away from Lillysands was so he wasn’t touched by any scandal that might occur when Estelle had her baby. So there he was, completely in the dark about his child growing within Estelle.
But now, fifteen years later, he was going to find out.
Estelle took a deep breath and dialled his number, keeping her breath held while it rang and rang. Then it abruptly cut off. She tried it again but the same happened. ‘Damn it.’ She thought about texting him. But it would seem weird, after all these years, and she certainly couldn’t tell him about the child she gave up in a text.
Estelle closed her eyes, exhausted from it all. Then she heard the front door click open. She sat up straight, heart thumping.
How would she explain all this to Seb?
Tell him the truth. Something she should have done a long time ago.
He appeared at the door to the kitchen, face hard. ‘How did it go?’
‘Sit down,’ she said, gesturing to the stool next to her. ‘I have something to tell you.’
‘Something else?’
‘Yes, something else,’ she said with a sigh.
When he walked over, she could smell beer on his breath. He’d clearly popped to the pub. That didn’t bode well. Seb could get angry when he was drunk lately. He’d never hurt Estelle, but he liked to shout, to rant. That’s what the injury had done to him, made him feel like a caged animal. She remembered the phone call she’d got from his trainer after Seb had been rushed to hospital in agony during a training session three months before. There had been a collision with another boat and he’d seriously damaged his leg as a result. He’d even seen the muscle hanging from the bone. After an operation, it was a waiting game, one that was looking increasingly worrying with each consultation, delaying his return to practice more and more, the bone too weak.
Of course, Estelle understood how demoralising it must be. But other times she found his attitude towards her, the person trying her best to help and support him, hard to tolerate.
‘What is it?’ he asked roughly.
‘I