08.12hrs: Me again. Hey, who else would it be really? I was just going to read chapter eleven of The Golden Compass, after cleaning my rifle, and wondered what kind of daemon I would have. Then I thought, well, I have Diesel with me so perhaps he would hold my soul and be my daemon? I wonder if other people would think a dog would be the right daemon for me.
10.10hrs: I’m fed up of the desert now. And I’m really pissed off. The 3 Para lads asked me if there was anything I needed as they had to do a run to pick up rations, water and ammo. All I asked them for was dog food. So what did they forget? Yes, the f’ing dog food!! I’ve only got enough now to last me until tomorrow. It’s f’ing shite and it really pisses me off. I have enough in my kit to sustain him for another two days but it ain’t the right thing to do or the best thing for him to be honest. Can’t believe it’s so hard to do something so simple. It’s the British Army for f’s sake!
12.30hrs: Sand storm now and has been for twenty minutes. Kicks in dust from everywhere and covers everything. Diesel’s water bowl is already full of wet dust. Quite fitting that I’m having such a problem with dust as I’m reading The Golden Compass! I wonder who has the most problems with dust – me or Lord Asriel? Ha! Ha!
I’m hiding in my doss bag with a head torch writing this and waiting the storm out. D is curled up in the corner with my second basher draped over him to keep as much off him as possible. Hopefully it won’t last much longer. xxx
15.30hrs: Well I fell asleep in the storm and woke about an hour ago. It went really hot but it has clouded over again now so bet it will rain next. Very gloomy. Still no work and told not moving anywhere until the 24th (April) hopefully getting a hele back to KAF.
Christ this sandstorm keeps coming and going and it’s just been pissing down. And we’ve had some thunder and lightning which would probably have been pretty dramatic without the sandstorm at the same time! I’ve blocked my basher up to try and prevent as much wind and rain coming in as possible – like that’s going to happen!
17.30hrs: Just had my evening meal of chicken tikka, rice and a cup of crap tea. Got a Yorkie bar – it has to be sweets for pudding! That’s what I miss most about Army life to civvie is being able to eat almost anything you want to eat without having your food dictated to you day in and day out. But I was just thinking how much I could down a good family Chinese or egg and chips with fresh bread … things like that.
Sorry my writing’s gone all funny due to the sand clogging the end of my pen and Diesel trying to get between me and the wall and still trying to fit on my inflatable roll mat – which no longer inflates.
19.00hrs: OK, best go and stand-to as the Taliban are literally that brave that they will attack us head-on in a fire-fight!
21.00hrs: Hey just realised I’m on page 10 of this letter … Now tell me I ain’t just bored the tits off you?
What I would do for a cheese scone right now is not worth thinking about!
Six days to the planned push … I hope it happens …
When I read the letters back now I can see that Kenneth did a lot of growing up in Afghanistan. There’s a seriousness on the page and over the four months it’s there more and more. He mentions his favourite book, The Golden Compass, many times but I suppose there’s a lot of down time in the desert so reading about a fantasy world where good is pitted against evil … it was bound to make Kenneth think about the story in a way he probably never had at home. Whenever I read the letters over now I can see why the book provided some escapism from what was happening all around him. After all, who wouldn’t have wished themselves somewhere beyond the sand-blasted hell of Helmand?
To me that letter was a window into Kenneth’s life in Afghan and, reading between the lines, I think it says ‘I miss you lot.’ Even now I read parts of it and cry: the yearning for egg and chips, the concern for Trevor his pet tortoise, praising me for sticking with my swimming lessons and conquering my fear in the water. I loved him congratulating his dad for facing his fear of technology to write his first e-bluey! It was so Kenneth … in a letter … a moment in time. Him all over.
Knowing what I know now I read his last few letters in a different way to how I did in 2008.
I don’t just read them, I search through them. I want to learn more and more about my son’s life in the place where he died.
24 June
The air-con unit in my room has broken down and it’s like a sauna. I could lose so much weight here … and more fucking vehicle searches today. We’ve searched 20+ vehicles entering the Camp … so I’ll be glad I’ll be getting out of here on the 27th June. I’m doing a new job in a FOB not that far away in Helmand Province. Don’t worry, though, I’ve been training for this. It’s a great opportunity really. There is some bad news, though; I’ve been told that I can’t get my promotion as I’m not eligible until October or maybe January. That also pisses me off!
There might be a posting to Brunei coming up … but I’ve been asked to go to Germany in November. It’s a three-year posting, if Poole or Hereford doesn’t work out. Which one do you think I should do take?
Well that’s my little rant over! I’ll write and ring you tonight if Op Minimise isn’t on that is. Love ya as always Ken xxx
3 July
Just a quick one – how is everything? Have you seen much of the baby? We talk and email and seem to be OK … Keep me in touch with how everything is.
Well, that’s all I got to say. Will write when I’m established with my new lot. Take care. Love you loads as always. Ken xxx
By the way parents, how are you coping with the tour? I was told to ask. In daily brief they told us to check on our families as they can go through more stress and anxiety than we do. So are you OK with everything? Is there anything we need to discuss? Don’t be afraid to ask what you think could be a delicate question. Just ask me.
Oh Mam, I need some decent toothpaste and another exfoliating mitt. I bought some toothpaste in the NAAFI [Navy, Army and Air Force Institutes – military camp shops] which was supposed to be Colgate but it tasted like shit. I swear the dust gets into the toothpaste too. By the way the mitts are really cheap in Morrisons. Mam, I don’t know if I’ve ever said but I really like writing the letters to you and the rest of the family. It really relaxes me and I wish I had more time during the day for that. How’s my handwriting – be honest? I hope my spelling’s not too shite?
How’s the baby? I’ve seen photos of her on MSN, her mum sent them, and we were talking but I couldn’t see much of the bairn. Is she beautiful, Mam? Bet she is. Hope she’s got our skin and my jet-black hair. Oh Mam, I can’t wait to get home …
Love you as always. Ken xxx Rabb says hi too!
9 July
My R and R is cancelled so at the moment I ain’t comin’ home. Shite. My captain is on the case so I should get my leave as planned but I wanted you to know the score. I’m raging at the moment but what can I do about it? The decisions are made by people higher up than me.
Sorry about the camera. I was taking cover and didn’t think about the camera. I hope it can be mended after all the trouble you went to find one for me and get it out here. It was a bloody lovely one too.
I’ve asked them to send Sasha out to me which means I’ll be back on search dog work all the time. Andy Dodds has been working her in Garmsir and she was working well finding everything the Taliban put down or try to hide in the tunnels there. Andy’s taking on a new role and he won’t need her for a while so I feel comfortable about that. I’ll be much happier when Sasha gets here. She’s a bloody good dog … I’ll be alright with her. And she’s a light creamy coloured Lab, not golden like Diesel, so she will do better with the heat too.
Would