It was dramatic; it sure as hell was traumatic and it genuinely killed me not to be able to make our date last night, but I hope this goes some small way towards explaining the downside of a life in the sky.
I’ll try calling you at a more respectable time and if you don’t want to speak with me, then I’ll totally get it.
I’m being re-routed back home now. Like I always say, gotta fly.
Andy.
I go online and do a quick google of the international news in this morning’s online papers. I scroll down through countless pages and links and, lo and behold, there it is.
Buried up at the top of page seven in the Chronicle; a tiny breaking news feature about a Delta flight that had to be re-routed back to Newfoundland when a passenger unexpectedly took ill. Not only that, but it’s on both the Sky News app and the BBC app too.
Which means he was telling the truth then, the whole truth and nothing but.
So I climb back into bed, mind racing. And deep down, I think, almost a bit relieved. After all, as excuses go, this one’s a doozy.
Not long after I fall into a fitful, troubled sleep and keep flashing back to when this all first began.
Exactly three weeks ago.
Welcome to the Two’s Company Dating Website!
User Name: lady_reporter
Never easy to describe yourself, but here goes. Tall, slim, blue-eyed brunette. Loves eating out and staying in and mountaineering and sky diving and I know everyone says they’ve got the best job in the world on these sites, but I really, genuinely think I have.
I’m also a major foodie who adores cooking for friends/ baking/ all of the above. And with apologies in advance if I come over as a boasty boaster, but my friends do reckon my chocolate cherry cupcakes, something of a house specialty round here, are worthy of the Great British Bake Off.
So, anyone out there? Anyone at all?
I posted it out there and as you do, resolved not to check back in again for at least a good hour or so. But it was a quiet night with shag all to speak of on telly, so after exactly seventeen minutes I cracked. And there it was, just waiting for me.
8.07 p.m.
*New Message*
Hi, Lady Reporter, you have 1 new response!
From: Guy_in_the_Sky
Hey there Lady Reporter,
Like your profile. Mountaineering? Skydiving? Wow. And you’re a foodie too? Snap. Message me back soon – if you’re not half way up Mount Kilimanjaro or about to do a parachute jump at two thousand feet, that is.
Now as we all know in man-language, ‘message me back soon,’ can mean anything from two hours to two weeks. However, all my time served at the online dating coalface had taught me that there’s almost an Alice in Wonderland/upside-down environment at play here, where the dating rules that apply in real-life are totally inverted. On sites like this one, the longer you play games and wait to respond to a guy who shows initial interest, the higher the likelihood he’ll have moved onto someone else by then.
So I struck while the iron was hot.
User Name: lady_reporter
A member since: August 2011.
Lovely to hear from you, but may I point out that’s only one personal fact about you whereas I told you loads?
Come on, fair is fair!
From: Guy_in_the_Sky
Hi again, and please excuse me, I’m kinda new to this whole online dating thing. Ok, so a few more nuggets about me.
Fact two is that I’m loving the fact that you’re tall. I’m on the six foot side myself as it happens and way back in my college dating days, I inevitably found myself going for ladies who I at least could share eye contact with.
And another bit of personal info? Gotta say, I find this whole online dating thing pretty tough to get a handle on. Guess I’m old-fashioned, but if you ask me, personal contact trumps online messaging any day.
So what do you think, Lady Reporter?
Personal contact? I thought, re-reading it. Was this guy really hinting that we swap phone numbers at this early stage? Wow, unheard of! I decided to play it cautious though and left a dignified pause, the exact length of the first half of an episode of Modern Family, before replying.
User Name: lady_reporter
Sorry, but this is just a quick message, as I can’t really chat right now. Long story, but I’m at a critical stage with my pear and almond tart. Thing is, baking is almost like a fundamental switch-off mechanism for me. In fact I don’t sleep right without knowing my chocolate biscuit cake is in the fridge and setting right.
Anyway, we’ve swapped a few basic facts, which I reckon now means we get to ask each other slightly more personal questions.
1. So whereabouts are you based exactly?
2. And you never mentioned if you’re married/separated/divorced? Not to be overly nosey or anything, but I’m a great believer that directness – and of course total honesty online – really is the best way.
Pinger on the oven’s calling me, gotta dash.
Bye for now,
Lady_reporter.
Right. If nothing else, that was bound to fish him out, I reckoned. If this guy was married – and you’d be astonished how many of them there are out there openly masquerading as single – chances are he just wouldn’t respond and would skulk quietly off to go and hassle someone else. After all, you’ve got to protect yourself on these sites. Can’t be too careful, etc.
I finished watching Modern Family and was just about to go over to Netflix, when curiosity got the better of me. And whaddya know, to my astonishment he’d already replied.
From: Guy_in_the_Sky
Excuse my lousy manners, Ma’am.
Ok, here goes. First up, I’m originally from Charleston, South Carolina, but right now, I’m based here in Atlanta, Georgia for work. You ever been to the Southern states? Best and most beautiful part of the US by a mile. And, just so you know, ladies like yourself who are into home cooking are generally held to be a deeply treasured species down here.
Second thing is that I’ve actually been married before. Amy and I had a wonderful, joyous ten years together, and I cherish that time as just about the happiest in my whole life. We got a son who lives here with me and his Grandma, and that little kid is the light of my life. Name of Logan. He’s six years old, cute as a button and smart as a whip. Yelling at me right now for spending too much time on my computer when he wants me to play Minecraft on his Xbox with him, so I guess that’s my cue to say over and out.
For now, at least.
You