Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: How to Increase Your Marriage Potential by up to 60%. John Molloy T.

factors that contribute to the likelihood of a relationship leading to marriage are religious beliefs and political persuasion. Each of these has a relative value. If a man is deeply committed to his religion, he probably won’t marry outside that religion unless the woman gives in to him on religious matters. The same goes for a woman with strong ties to a religion; her fiancé may need to accept her faith. In some cases, this means one person converting to the other’s religion. The most common impediment to marriage is one party’s insistence that the children be raised in his or her faith. So if you’re dating someone from another religion and both of you hold your religious beliefs very strongly, it dramatically reduces the chance that you will marry.

      Couples coming out of marriage license bureaus confirmed these findings. A number of them told us that before they met their intended, they had had a serious relationship in which religious differences caused one party to break it off. I’m not suggesting there aren’t interreligious marriages; I have friends and family whose interreligious marriages work very well. But it’s a statistical fact that commonly held religious beliefs increase the likelihood a couple will marry.

      Therefore, if you have a choice of dating two men who seem equally desirable, but one holds the same religious beliefs you do and the other doesn’t, you’re better off dating the man with beliefs similar to yours. Your chances of marrying him are much greater than your chances of marrying the other man.

      The importance of belief systems cannot be underestimated, and this is also demonstrated in political areas. Men and women often do not cross “party lines” on the way to the altar: Republicans generally marry Republicans, Democrats marry Democrats, conservatives marry conservatives, and liberals marry liberals. Of course, there are exceptions. One of the most public party-crossing couples is conservative pundit Mary Matalin and Democratic campaign manager James Carville, who worked for opposite sides when Democrat Bill Clinton challenged GOP incumbent George H. W. Bush for the presidency.

      In the focus group we put together to investigate political alignments in marriage, we discovered that many married couples were politically divided. We know more women vote Democratic than men, and more men vote Republican than women. Political disagreements are a significant factor only when they’re grounded in core beliefs. Differences of opinions on core values such as abortion, capital punishment, or even disciplining children can divide a couple.

      So if your deeply held values and beliefs, religious or political, clash with those of your man, it’s less likely that you will wed. Think it over. People with similar beliefs and values tend to have similar outlooks on life and are usually more compatible.

       Living at Home

      Men who live at home with their parents are less likely to marry than men who have their own places. This is more significant in some communities than in others. In communities where circumstances make it difficult for young people to find a suitable place to live—for example, an expensive suburb where there are no rentals—it isn’t as important. Nevertheless, a man who lives alone is more likely to marry than one who lives with his parents. We also discovered that men who have never lived away from home are less likely to marry than men who have. Men who have gone away to college or have worked in a different city are more likely to marry than men who have never left their parents’ home.

       Following the Pack

      Another important question a woman should ask a man before getting serious is whether any of his male friends have married in the last year or so. If so, there’s a substantially higher chance that he himself will tie the knot within the next two years than if none of his buddies has recently renounced bachelorhood. More than 60 percent of the men we questioned coming out of marriage license bureaus told us they had a friend who had married within the last year.

      After we asked men in singles bars if any of their friends had recently married, and if they themselves were considering getting married, we saw a reason for this correlation. Seeing their friends marrying had clearly caused a change in their thinking. Those who said none of their male friends was married were two to three times as likely to tell our researchers they were not ready to marry. Of those who had seen even a few male friends get married recently, a majority said if they met the right woman, they might think seriously about getting married. There’s no question men play follow-the-leader when it comes to marriage.

       Keeping It in the Family

      A follow-the-leader factor can also be seen in families. Single men who had unmarried older siblings—particularly if the siblings were still living at home and past the prime marrying age—were less likely to find a spouse than men whose older siblings were married, or those men who had no older siblings.

      Men usually will tell you what they think. If a man says he does not see himself married, could never see himself married, doesn’t think marriage is for him, you should look elsewhere.

       Date Only the Marrying Kind

      To dramatically increase your chances of marrying you must seek out and date the marrying kind.

       Statistical Truths About the Marrying Kind

      

Most men will not even consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment. For 80 percent of high school graduates, the minimum age of commitment is twenty-three, whereas for 80 percent of college graduates, it’s twenty-six.

      

The high-commitment period for most college-educated men is from ages twenty-eight to thirty-three.

      

For men who go to graduate school—doctors, lawyers, and the like—the high-commitment period runs from thirty to thirty-six.

      

After age thirty-seven or thirty-eight, the chance that a man will commit diminishes. After forty-three, it diminishes even more.

      

Most men think sowing their wild oats is a rite of passage and will not even contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years.

      

Men are most likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene.

      

Men have biological clocks. They want to be young enough to teach their sons to fish and play ball, and to do the male-bonding thing.

      

Men who look at marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain are not likely to marry—nor are they good prospects. Run … fast.

      

Men whose parents divorced when they were young are often gun-shy about marrying.

      

Men often marry women whose backgrounds—religion, politics, values, socioeconomic status—match theirs.

      

Men who have their own places and have lived as independent, self-supporting adults are more likely to marry.

      

Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry.

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