The Colloquies of Erasmus, Volume I. Erasmus Desiderius

Because unless I am there in Time, before the Bill is called over, I am sure to be whipp'd.

      Sy. You need not be afraid of that, it is but a little past five: Look upon the Clock, the Hand is not come to the half Hour Point yet.

      Jo. Ay, but I can scarce trust to Clocks, they go wrong sometimes.

      Sy. But trust me then, I heard the Clock strike.

      Jo. What did that strike?

      Sy. Five.

      Jo. But there is something else that I am more afraid of than that, I must say by Heart a good long Lesson for Yesterday, and I am afraid I can't say it.

      Sy. I am in the same Case with you; for I myself have hardly got mine as it should be.

      Jo. And you know the Master's Severity. Every Fault is a Capital one with him: He has no more Mercy of our Breeches, than if they were made of a Bull's Hide.

      Sy. But he won't be in the School.

      Jo. Who has he appointed in his Place?

      Sy. Cornelius.

      Jo. That squint-ey'd Fellow! Wo to our Back-Sides, he's a greater Whip-Master than Busby himself.

      Sy. You say very true, and for that Reason I have often wish'd he had a Palsy in his Arm.

      Jo. It is not pious to wish ill to ones Master: it is our Business rather to take Care not to fall under the Tyrant's Hands.

      Sy. Let us say one to another, one repeating and the other looking in the Book.

      Jo. That's well thought on.

      Sy. Come, be of good Heart; for Fear spoils the Memory.

      Jo. I could easily lay aside Fear, if I were out of Danger; but who can be at Ease in his Mind, that is in so much Danger.

      Sy. I confess so; but we are not in Danger of our Heads, but of our Tails.

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      2. Of Writing.

      CORNELIUS, ANDREW.

      Co. You write finely, but your Paper sinks. Your Paper is damp, and the Ink sinks through it.

      An. Pray make me a Pen of this.

      Co. I have not a Pen-knife.

      An. Here is one for you.

      Co. Out on't, how blunt it is!

      An. Take the Hoan.

      Co. Do you love to write with a hard-nip'd Pen, or a soft?

      An. Make it fit for your own Hand.

      Co. I use to write with a soft Nip.

      An. Pray write me out the Alphabet.

      Co. Greek or Latin?

      An. Write me the Latin first; I'll try to imitate it.

      Co. Give me some Paper then.

      An. Take some.

      Co. But my Ink is too thin, by often pouring in of Water.

      An. But my Cotton is quite dry.

      Co. Squeeze it, or else piss in it.

      An. I had rather get some Body to give me some.

      Co. It is better to have of one's own, than to borrow.

      An. What's a Scholar without Pen and Ink?

      Co. The same that a Soldier is without Shield or Sword.

      An. I wish my Fingers were so nimble, I can't write as fast as another speaks.

      Co. Let it be your first chief Care to write well, and your next to write quick: No more Haste than good Speed.

      An. Very well; say to the Master when he dictates, no more Haste than good Speed.

* * * * *

      _A Form of giving Thanks.

      PETER, CHRISTIAN._

      Pe. You have oblig'd me, in that you have written to me sometimes. I thank you for writing to me often. I love you, that you have not thought much to send me now and then a Letter. I give you Thanks that you have visited me with frequent Letters. I thank you for loading of me with Packets of Letters. I thank you heartily that you have now and then provoked me with Letters. You have oblig'd me very much that you have honour'd me with your Letters. I am much beholden to you for your most obliging Letters to me. I take it as a great Favour, that you have not thought much to write to me.

      The Answer.

      Ch. Indeed I ought to beg Pardon for my Presumption, who dar'd presume to trouble a Man of so much Business, and so much Learning with my unlearned Letters. I acknowledge your usual Humanity, who have taken my Boldness in good Part. I was afraid my Letters had given you some Offence, that you sent me no Answer. There is no Reason that you should thank me, it is more than enough for me, if you have taken my Industry in good Part.

* * * * *

      A Form of asking after News.

      Pe. Is there no News come from our Country? Have you had any News from our Countrymen? What News? Do you bring any News? Is there any News come to Town? Is there any News abroad from our Country?

      The Answer.

      Ch. There is much News; but nothing of Truth. News enough indeed; but nothing certain. A great deal of News; but nothing to be depended upon. Not a little News; but not much Truth. There is no News come. I have had no News at all. Something of News; but nothing certain. There are a great many Reports come to Town; but they are all doubtful. There is a great deal of Talk; but nothing true, nothing certain. If Lies please, I have brought you a whole Cart-Load of them. I bring you whole Bushels of Tales. I bring you as many Lies as a good Ship will carry.

      Pe. Then unlade yourself as fast as you can, for fear you should sink, being so over-freighted.

      Ch. I have nothing but what's the Chat of Barbers Shops, Coaches and Boats.

      Han't you received any Letters. The Form.

      Pe. Have you had no Letters? Have you had any Letters out of your own Country? Have no Letters been brought to you? Have you receiv'd any Letters? Have you had any Letters? Have you receiv'd any Letters from your Friends? Are there no Letters come from France?

      The Answer.

      Ch. I have received no Letters. I han't had so much as a Letter. I han't had the least Bit of a Letter. No Body has sent me any Letter. There is not the least Word come from any Body. I have received no more Letters for this long Time, than what you see in my Eye. Indeed I had rather have Money than Letters. I had rather receive Money than Letters. I don't matter Letters, so the Money does but come. I had rather be paid, than be written to.