“That’s not the point,” Crivaro said.
Riley fought down the urge to ask …
Then what is the point?
Crivaro drove on in sullen silence for several minutes. Then he said in a quiet, bitter voice, “I pulled a lot of strings to get you into this program.”
Another silence fell. But Riley detected a world of meaning in those words. She began to realize that Crivaro had really gone out on a limb on her behalf, not only to get her into the program but also to serve as her mentor. And he’d probably made some of his colleagues angry, perhaps by excluding intern candidates they might have deemed to be more promising than Riley.
Now that she thought of things that way, Crivaro’s cold behavior started to make sense. He hadn’t wanted to show even the slightest bit of preferential treatment toward her. In fact, he’d gone to the opposite extreme. He’d been counting on her to prove herself worthy without any encouragement from himself, and despite his colleagues’ doubts and resentments.
And judging from the looks and whispers she’d noticed among other interns during the day, Crivaro’s colleagues weren’t the only people who harbored those resentments. She’d faced an uphill climb just to achieve even modest success.
And she’d blown it all in a single afternoon, with one stupid mistake. Crivaro had good reason to be disappointed and angry.
She took a long, slow breath and said …
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
Crivaro didn’t reply for a few moments.
Finally he said, “I guess you want a second chance. Well, let me tell you, the FBI isn’t big on second chances. My last partner got fired for making the same kind of mistake—and he definitely deserved it. A mistake like that has consequences. Sometimes it just means spoiling a case so that a bad guy gets off free. Sometimes it costs someone their life. It can cost your own life.”
Crivaro glanced over at her with a scowl.
“So what do you think I should do?” he said.
“I don’t know,” Riley said.
Crivaro shook his head. “I sure don’t know either. I guess maybe both of us should sleep on it. I’ve got to decide whether I misjudged your abilities. You’ve got to decide whether you’ve really got what it takes to stay in this program.”
Riley felt a lump in her throat, and her eyes stung and she blinked hard.
Don’t cry, she told herself.
Crying was the only thing she could think of that would make things worse than they were already.
CHAPTER FIVE
Still stinging from Crivaro’s rebuke, Riley arrived at home a full two hours before Ryan did. When Ryan got there, he seemed surprised to see that she’d gotten back so early, but he was too excited about his own day to notice how upset she was.
Ryan sat down at the kitchen table with a beer while Riley heated up macaroni and cheese TV dinners. She could tell that he was really buzzed about everything he was doing at the law firm and eager to tell her all about it. She tried to pay close attention.
He’d been given more duties than he’d expected—a lot of complex research and analysis, writing briefs, preparing for litigation, and other tasks that Riley barely understood. He was even going to appear in a courtroom tomorrow for the very first time. He was only going to be assisting the lead attorneys, of course, but it was a real milestone for him.
Ryan appeared nervous, daunted, maybe a little scared, but above all else exhilarated.
Riley tried to keep smiling as they sat down and ate dinner. She wanted to be happy for him.
Finally Ryan asked …
“Wow, listen to me talk. What about you? How was your day?”
Riley gulped hard.
“It could have been better,” she said. “Actually, it was pretty bad.”
Ryan reached across the table and took her hand with an expression of sincere concern.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Riley wondered whether talking about it would make her feel better.
No, I’ll only start crying.
Besides, Ryan might not be happy that she’d actually gone out into the field today. They’d both been sure that she’d be doing her training safely indoors. Not that she’d been in any actual danger …
“I’d rather not get into any details,” Riley said. “But do you remember Special Agent Crivaro, the FBI man who saved my life back in Lanton?”
Ryan nodded.
Riley continued, “Well, he’s supposed to be mentoring me. But he’s got doubts now as to whether I belong in the program. And … I guess I’ve got doubts too. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake.”
Ryan squeezed her hand and didn’t speak.
Riley wished he’d say something. But what did she want him to say?
What did she expect him to say?
After all, Ryan hadn’t been enthusiastic about Riley being in the program from the very start. He’d probably be just as happy if she dropped out—or even got kicked out.
Finally Ryan said, “Look, maybe it’s just not the right time for you to do this. I mean, you’re pregnant, we’re just getting moved into this new place, and I’m just getting started Parsons and Rittenhouse. Maybe you should just wait until—”
“Wait until when?” Riley said. “Until I’m a mom raising a kid? How is that going to work?”
Ryan’s eyes widened at Riley’s bitter tone. Even Riley was startled at the sound of her own voice.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”
Ryan said quietly, “Riley, you are going to be a mom raising a kid. We’re going to be parents. It’s a reality we both have to deal with, whether you keep training this summer or not.”
Riley was really struggling not to cry now. The future seemed so murky and mysterious.
She asked, “What am I going to do if I’m not in the program? I can’t just sit around this apartment all day.”
Ryan shrugged slightly.
“Well, you can always find a job, help with the expenses. Maybe some kind of temp work—something you can just walk away from whenever you get tired of doing it. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. There’s plenty of time to figure out what you really want to do. But before long, I could be successful enough that you wouldn’t have to work at all if you don’t want to.”
They both fell quiet for a moment.
Then Riley said, “So do you think I should quit?”
“What I think doesn’t matter,” Ryan said. “It’s your decision. And whatever you decide, I’ll do my best to back you up.”
They didn’t say much for the rest of the meal. After they finished eating, they watched TV for a while. Riley couldn’t really focus on what they were watching. She kept thinking about what Agent Crivaro had said …
“You’ve got to decide whether you’ve really got what it takes to stay in this program.”
The more Riley thought about it, the more doubt and uncertainty she felt.
After all, she had more than just herself to think about. There was Ryan, the baby, and even Agent Crivaro.
She remembered something else her would-be mentor