ONE of the last things the genuine indexer thinks of is to make his work amusing; but some wits have been very successful in producing humorous indexes, and others have seen their way to make an author ridiculous by satirically perverting his meaning in the form of an ordinary index. We can find specimens of each of these classes.
Leigh Hunt has a charming little paper, "A Word upon Indexes," in his Indicator. He writes: "Index-making has been held to be the driest as well as lowest species of writing. We shall not dispute the humbleness of it; but since we have had to make an index ourselves,6 we have discovered that the task need not be so very dry. Calling to mind indexes in general, we found them presenting us a variety of pleasant memories and contrasts. We thought of those to the Spectator, which we used to look at so often at school, for the sake of choosing a paper to abridge. We thought of the index to the Pantheon of Fabulous Histories of the Heathen Gods, which we used to look at oftener. We remember how we imagined we should feel some day, if ever our name should appear in the list of Hs; as thus, Home, Howard, Hume, Huniades, –. The poets would have been better, but then the names, though perhaps less unfitting, were not so flattering; as for instance Halifax, Hammond, Harte, Hughes, –. We did not like to come after Hughes."
The indexes to the Tatler and the Spectator are full of piquancy, and possess that admirable quality of making the consulter wish to read the book itself. The entries are so enticing that they lead you on to devour the whole book. Hunt writes of them: "We have just been looking at the indexes to the Tatler and Spectator, and never were more forcibly struck with the feeling we formerly expressed about a man's being better pleased with other writers than with himself. Our index seemed the poorest and most second-hand in the world after theirs: but let any one read theirs, and then call an index a dry thing if he can. As there 'is a soul of goodness in things evil' so there is a soul of humour in things dry, and in things dry by profession. Lawyers know this, as well as index-makers, or they would die of sheer thirst and aridity. But as grapes, ready to burst with wine, issue out of the most stony places, like jolly fellows bringing burgundy out of a cellar; so an Index, like the Tatler's, often gives us a taste of the quintessence of his humour." The very title gives good promise of what is to be found in the book: "A faithful Index of the dull as well as the ingenious passages in the Tatlers."
Here are a few entries chosen at random:
Vol. 1—
"Bachelor's scheme to govern a wife."
"Knaves prove fools."
Vol. 2—
"Actors censured for adding words of their own in their parts."
"Dead men, who."
"Dead persons heard, judged and censured.
—– Allegations laid against them, their pleas."
"Love letters before and after marriage, found in a grave."
"Mathematical sieve to sift impertinences in writing and discourse."
"News, Old People die in France."
Vol. 3—
"Flattery of women, its ill consequences."
"Maids of Honour, their allowance
of Beef for their Breakfast in Queen Elizabeth's time."
"Silence, significant on many occasions.
—– Instances of it."
Vol. 4—
"Blockheads apt to admire one another."
"Female Library proposed for the Improvement of the Sex."
"Night, longer formerly in this Island than at present."
In 1757 A General Index to the Spectators, Tatlers, and Guardians was published, and in 1760 the same work was re-issued with a new title-page. Certain supposed blots in the original indexes were here corrected and the following explanation made in the preface: "Notwithstanding the learning and care of the compilers of the first Indexes to these volumes, some slight inaccuracies have passed, and where observed they are altered. Few readers who desire to know Mr. Bickerstaff's Opinion of the Comedy called the Country Wife, or the character of Mrs. Bickerstaff as an actress, would consult the Index under the word Acts." This seems to refer to an entry in the index to the first volume of the Tatler:
"Acts the Country-Wife: (Mrs. Bignel)."
The index to the original edition of the Spectator is equally good with that of the Tatler, but the entries are longer and more elaborate than those in the latter. The references are not made to the pages, as is the case with the Tatler, but to the numbers of the papers. The following entries are worthy of quotation:
Vol. 2—
"Gentry of England generally speaking in debt."
"Great men not truly known till some years after their deaths."
"Women, the English excel all other nations in beauty.
—– Signs of their improvement under the Spectator's hands.
—– Their pains in all ages to adorn the outside of their heads."
A precursor of the Tatler and Spectator was the curious Athenian Oracle, of the eccentric John Dunton, each volume of which contained "An Alphabetical Table for the speedy finding of any questions, by a member of the Athenian Society," from which the following amusing entries are taken:
"Ark, what became of it after the Flood?"
"Bees, a swarm lit upon the Crown and Scepter in Cheapside, what do they portend?"
"Hawthorn-tree at Glassenbury, what think you of it?"
"Noah's flood, whither went the waters?"
"Pied Piper, was he a man or dæmon?"
"Triumphant Arch erected in Cheapside 1691, described."
A selection from this curious seventeenth-century miscellany was made by Mr. J. Underhill, and published by Walter Scott a few years ago.
Shenstone's Schoolmistress is one of the works of genius which is little known in the present day, but well repays perusal. A humorous table of contents was prepared by the author, which he styled an index. He wrote: "I have added a ludicrous index purely to show (fools) that I am in jest." This was afterwards omitted, but D'Israeli reprinted it in his Curiosities of Literature. It contains an amusing précis of the chief points of the poem; the whole is short, and a few extracts will give an idea of its plan:
"A circumstance in the situation of the mansion of early Discipline, discovering the surprising influence of the connexion of ideas."
"Some peculiarities indicative of a country school, with a short sketch of the sovereign presiding over it."
"Some account of her night-cap, apron and a tremendous description of her birchen sceptre."
"Her titles and punctilious nicety in the ceremonious assertion of them."
"A view of this rural potentate as seated in her chair of state, conferring honours distributing bounties and dispensing proclamations."
Gay composed a full and humorous index for his interesting picture of eighteenth-century London—Trivia. The poet added a few entries to the index in the quarto edition of his Poems (1720). The following selected references will show the character of the index:
"Asses, their arrogance."
"Autumn, what cries then in use."
"Bully,